Community Chat

[sidsmom]

.....or spin it by saying positive to HER. "Your outfit is dated", then you say "everything you wear is so pretty"....it'll throw her off. It's the theory of "Keep your friends close & your enemies closer". It'll bug you @ first, but she'll think you are her best friend...she'll leave you alone.

[ID2]

I see it that your sister-in-law is very insecure and feels she needs to insult everyone else to make herself feel better. I think she may be envious of how nice you always dress and is envious of your height. Poor girl. You got some good advice here on how to handle her.

[qualitygal]

She sounds like a class A jerk and you're doing it right. Distance and little contact. spend no more time, energy or thoughts on her, you've got better things to do.

[Financialgrl]

I had such a sister in law and chose to always be the "bigger person" and let stuff slide. The thing is that she did the same to my other siblings as well (always when we were alone with her and my brother wasn't around).

At some point she crossed the line and I figured if she was stupid enough to think she could get away with it, I'd be stupid enough to confront her and began calling her out on her actions and she didn't like that. I figured the worst that could happen is they'd stop coming to family gatherings or if they did, I'd ignore her. Two years later the issue was solved - my brother began to see her true colors emerge, divorced her and a few years later he remarried and we like the new wife.

You've got options - continue as things are, do what Selah suggests and tell her it's hurtful (do so in front of others though) or if you really don't care - let it rip and point blank call her out on it. Pick whichever one works for you.

[Peaches McPhee]

Just remember this: When she says rude things to you, she is trying to belittle you. What she is really doing is belittling herself - others can see that.

[agnesann]

That's so true, Peaches McPhee!

I would tell her, right in front of everyone that she's attempting to belittle you:

"Thanks for your unsolicited opinions on my stature and fashion choices, (her name) - since everyone knows.....

... and I've been happily buying my own clothes and dressing myself for quite some time now."

Then, without missing a beat; turn to someone else in the room and strike up a conversation on any other topic. You've dismissed your SIL's rude behavior and moved on to enjoy the company of others. Don't allow her to alienate you from the rest of the family. Some petty or jealous types will try to do that. Be cool, calm and consistent.

[chickenbutt]

I probably wouldn't stoop to her level, by insulting her back, but I'd go ahead and call her on her rudeness and then just move on. It doesn't matter what you say, in terms of how somebody like this is going to act, but you can/should call her out on it.

She is probably one of those people, of whom I've known several over the years, who does not know how to feel good about herself unless she tries to cut somebody else down. Maybe some day she will learn to like herself, but that's not your problem. So, for now, I'd have my say one time, to call her out, and just pretty much avoid her after that.

I'm curious as to whether or not your husband stood beside you with this. I'm hoping he does. If he doesn't, that's another entire problem.

I've been in a situation, in the past, where my husband (at that time) had a really nice mother who was a lot like him. But his father and sister were just nasty people - always trying to cut down others for no reason except that they just didn't like themselves much and it made them feel superior to be that way.

They are probably still like that, for all I know. But, a few years after our divorce, when my ex told me he was getting married again I gave him one bit of advice (we were close enough that he would want to hear it). I told him to not let the sister and father get in between his marriage. Stand up for her when they attack.

I had to do this decades ago, myself, when my father was treating my first husband badly. There was no reason for him treating my husband like that. It would be different if there was.

I finally told him that if he cannot accept my husband, then he does not accept me, and this will be the last he hears from me/us unless he decides to stop it now. He apologized and never did that again. That was the way to handle it and that was what made him stop doing that stuff.

[ivey]

She should never mention your height! No one can control that! When she mentions your clothes--look her in the eye and say "Oh, I've grown very fond of this dress/blouse because I receive so many compliments." Then walk away and enjoy the other guests.

I just bet she's saying things to others about something she doesn't like about them--so she's not going to fit in too well anywhere. There's one in every family, isn't there?

[pommom]

I would not recommend the following, but have to say the reaction was priceless:

A co-worker and I stopped by the pharmacy to pick up her prescription. The lady at the counter was obviously having a bad day and said something rather curt and rude to my friend. My friend said to her, "Did you have razor soup for breakfast or are you always this rude?"

The stunned look on the cashier's face said it all.

[Summer Sunflowers]

The next time she makes a mean comment to you, stop what you're doing, look her straight in the eye...and without sounding upset... say, "Wow. No one has ever said anything like that to me." Continue to look at her without looking upset.

This puts the ball back in her court & everyone who had been listening will be looking at her.

Hopefully, that should be enough for her to stop with the not so nice comments.

There's a woman on youtube who gives advice on how to handle certain situations & she had recommended something similar. I don't know if she's a therapist in "real life", but I like her advice & she can be pretty funny sometimes.