Community Chat

[Thrive]

Hi,

I'm looking for advice about how to deal with a rude sister-in-law. She has made insensitive comments about my height and my clothing on two separate occasions. On the occasion in which she made a comment about my clothing, it was in front of my husband and several guests. I later told my husband how I felt and I have been less cordial with her than before ie: I no longer buy her Christmas gifts. Of course. she never bought any for us anyway. Nor do I spend great deal of time on the phone with her when she calls for my husband. I simply just say hello for the sake of my husband. I really don't have much use for her. I can't understand how a person could be so insensitive. This is the best way that I know how to deal with a person like this. What do you think?

Thank You

[SelahG]

Hi, Furry, I'm sorry your feelings were hurt. I find some people have no empathy much at all. Cannot care, or relate to feelings outside of their own. With such people, I find the direct approach the best course--they will have forgotten (if they ever realized) that they've offended someone in the next moment. Since you likely don't want to make an ugly scene, if there's a next time with this SIL, I'd immediately look her in the eye and calmly say, "Wow, that's hurtful. Why would you such a thing to me?" Chances are few, if any, confront her behavior directly ... so it just continues.

[Pook]

I agree with SelahG. I would quietly confront her immediately with a response on how hurtful her comments are. I would ask how she would feel if I said the same things to her also. She might be so self centered that she doesn't think what she says is awful and either it will make her think before speaking if she knows she is going to be called on it or will feel badly that she hurt your feelings and think before speaking. Some just do it to make themselves feel better about themselves by putting someone else down and they do it because they can get away with it.

[Thrive]

Thank you- I guess she knew that I would probably not saying anything in my defense.

[colliemom4]

One of my sister in laws is like this to everyone and I avoid her as much as possible. My husband doesn't even want to be around her. I'm sorry this is happening to you. I don't know what's wrong with some people.

[Marienkaefer2]

If she's rude like that to you, she's probably rude to a lot of other people, too.

I guess if it were me, I would shrug and ignore her.

Or the next time she insults you in front of others, just smile sweetly and say"Gee, thanks!" She looks like the fool, not you. Probably everyone knows this.

[BellaPaprika]

I would not mention her remarks being ""hurtful"". She most likely intends them to be and that will only make her happy. I would simply look at her wide-eyed and very slowly and loudly say: ""What in the world is wrong with you? Have you lost your mind?"" and then walk away. She'll be left standing there with egg on her face.

[GCR18]

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing she hurt my feelings. Whatever she says, say thank you. Ex. She says your outfit is dated. Say thank you for noticing my outfit is dated, I planned it that way. She'll look insensitive to the rest if the crowd. I also would only spend the minimum amount if time around her.

[jeanlake]

On 3/28/2014 graycatsrule said:

I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing she hurt my feelings. Whatever she says, say thank you. Ex. She says your outfit is dated. Say thank you for noticing my outfit is dated, I planned it that way. She'll look insensitive to the rest if the crowd. I also would only spend the minimum amount if time around her.

Great advice. When people think they have you figured out, become a mystery. Keep your emotions in check. Speak up as graycats suggested - spin the comment back on your insensitive sister in law. But don't fuss with her. And absolutely, limit your time and don't chat on the phone with her. Let your husband verbally connect with his family.

[Pook]

I definitely would call her on it as then she would loose the upper hand she thinks she has. People like that get joy from saying hurtful things knowing that the other person won't speak up and that is where they get their power from.