Retiring - Page 7

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@Moonchilde wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
9
@Sooner wrote:
@GCR18 wrote:
You can still meet up with your friends from work. Plan a few lunches or dinners before you leave for the upcoming month. I can't wait for that day to come. Unfortunately, it's further out than I'd like. Congratulations, it will be great.
For many it doesn't work that way. After you leave they have little interest in you and your life leaves very little for you to talk about.

It NEVER works out becsuse work is the bond. Work friends get together and talk about the job, the boss, projects etc. Once a person leaves or retires, there is no bond. At first, not much changes but in time, the one who left has nothing in common with her former work buddies. They talk and laugh about what happened last week and the retiree just sits there. After that first year, those former work relationships wither away.

I tend to think this is the most common scenario. Some people make actual good friends at work, whom they see outside of work even while employed. So no, it's not 100%, never, etc., but I think it's more common not to socialize outside of work, and to not have anything in common but work. So people *try* to keep things going, but as you say, the drifting begins.

And it doesn't mean as some are sure to suggest, or have half-suggested already, that the retiree is defective in some way. There's no point in trying to force a relationship, and no lack in psyche or personality just because the bond is lost.

*****************************

The drifting does not begin for everyone, obviously. @mstyrion is still close to her friends, and for me, I am not only close to him but I helped raise his daughter. Both of our families remain close to each other. All from our work friendship.

Moonchilde · ‎05-23-2010

@Noel7 wrote:
@Moonchilde wrote:
@chrystaltree wrote:
9
@Sooner wrote:
@GCR18 wrote:
You can still meet up with your friends from work. Plan a few lunches or dinners before you leave for the upcoming month. I can't wait for that day to come. Unfortunately, it's further out than I'd like. Congratulations, it will be great.
For many it doesn't work that way. After you leave they have little interest in you and your life leaves very little for you to talk about.

It NEVER works out becsuse work is the bond. Work friends get together and talk about the job, the boss, projects etc. Once a person leaves or retires, there is no bond. At first, not much changes but in time, the one who left has nothing in common with her former work buddies. They talk and laugh about what happened last week and the retiree just sits there. After that first year, those former work relationships wither away.

I tend to think this is the most common scenario. Some people make actual good friends at work, whom they see outside of work even while employed. So no, it's not 100%, never, etc., but I think it's more common not to socialize outside of work, and to not have anything in common but work. So people *try* to keep things going, but as you say, the drifting begins.

And it doesn't mean as some are sure to suggest, or have half-suggested already, that the retiree is defective in some way. There's no point in trying to force a relationship, and no lack in psyche or personality just because the bond is lost.
*****************************

The drifting does not begin for everyone, obviously. @mstyrion is still close to her friends, and for me, I am not only close to him but I helped raise his daughter. Both of our families remain close to each other. All from our work friendship.

Obviously. That's why I said above that it wasn't universal 100% and that I know that people make lifelong friends through work.

But I do think it's more exception than rule, as several others have said, and I agree. Never say never (and I didn't) but I feel it's more usual to gradually lose touch with former co-workers than to maintain friendships with most of them.

I have maintained a close friendship with exactly one former co-worker, whom I did socialize with frequently outside of work, but that's all.

Life without Mexican food is no life at all

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

It probably has more to do with the thought of not seeing your friends so much. You can still stay in touch. In my humble opinion, it is part of the chapters of our lives, our own book of our life. Things change in that scheme of things. Gail Sheehe (sp?) wrote a book a long time ago called "passages" and I like her term, I just call it chapters of our lives. (Remember the soap opera, "like sands through the hour glass, so are the days of our lives".) That says it best. Really hits it on the head. Enjoy your retirement!

reiki604 · ‎03-09-2010

@occasionalrain wrote:
The thing about retiring is that the future is nothing but death. One can find rewarding busywork or entertain themselves with travel, crafts, grandchildren...to distract themselves from the closing in inevitable. What's to look forward to but decline? Where is the joy in that?

I don't know who I feel sorrier for, you or your family. My deepest sympathies on such a bleak and miserable outlook on life.

'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown

Starpolisher · ‎03-10-2010

@hoosieroriginal wrote:
I retired 2 years ago - you will find you can't figure out where the week went. I'm so busy now, I have no idea how I got everything done when I worked. People used to say, "it's just the best". It really is.

I agree with hoosieroriginal.

I retired 1 year ago in June. I felt exactly the way you did. In fact, if you do a search you will find my post saying how I was felling sad and a sense of loss. Well, fast forward...I love being retired! It's absolutely the best job I've ever had!!! Best wishes to you...you're going to love it!

"Kindness is like snow ~It beautifies everything it covers"
-Kahlil Gibran

BlingQueen022 · ‎09-23-2012

I can't retire fully, I love money way too much! lol

MaggieMack · ‎10-01-2014

Through the years, I have lost several friends and family to untimely deaths, those who didn't make it to 30 or 50 or retirement, I'm sure such losses are the experience of most. That we live to retirement should be celebrated!

My service club donates thousands of hours in volunteer projects each year, assisting our community in many ways, and donating many thousands of dollars to help the less fortunate. I was never able to do this prior to retirement. Now that I am no longer working, I have a new job, bringing a bit of hope and light to the world. I don't have a foot in the grave, but planted firmly on the ground so I can give others a hand up.

No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted. - Aesop

reiki604 · ‎03-09-2010

I am coming up on my 1st anniversary of retirement after working as a nurse for 34 years. I still feel like I'm on vacation. I always worked to afford my lifestyle but did not let my career overshadow the rest of who I am. At 61 I decided that it was time to stop caring for others and concentrate on me and DH. I am the happiest and most relaxed and contented I've ever been.

Once a month I get together with people I used to work wit. Some retired, some still working, younger and older than I. We are friends and our interest in each other transcends work. I wonder how I ever had the time to work as I'm so busy all the time.

Life is meant to be lived!!! Get out and grab it by the ears and hang on for an amazing ride.

'I refuse to engage in a battle of wits with an unarmed man'.......Unknown

Starpolisher · ‎03-10-2010

@occasionalrain wrote:
The thing about retiring is that the future is nothing but death. One can find rewarding busywork or entertain themselves with travel, crafts, grandchildren...to distract themselves from the closing in inevitable. What's to look forward to but decline? Where is the joy in that?

Whether one retires or not death will eventually come. Continuing to work will not prevent it. However, having a positive attitude and outlook on life does affect ones well being and health. I've read all of your disparaging comments on this thread and you have my sympathy. For most people, retirement and how we spend the last chapter of our lives is a choice. Whether or not we work or play sooner or later death smiles at all of us. I for one hope I can smile back!

"Kindness is like snow ~It beautifies everything it covers"
-Kahlil Gibran

ms traditional · ‎03-09-2010

i think if your work was just a job - retirement is just the thing. if your work was part of something more meaningful - helping people in one way or another, whether clients or co-workers, doing something constructive for the world - or your family - you do feel a loss. until you plug the hole. i am on the brink and am looking for something part-time that will combine doing something important with those causes i feel strongly about. i know it is important to be part of something bigger than me -- for me --- but this time, i don't have to be running it, just contributing in a smaller way. i quickly bore of doing what i want for longer than about a week (unless i am travelling). i need to be stimulated and challenged.