Community Chat

[Cakers3]

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@beach-mom wrote:

A couple gets divorced. They have three children; the oldest is 10. She gets primary custody; he has visitation. His job requires a lot of travel. Sadly three years later she is killed in an accident. The children go to live with their maternal grandparents for a while. Grandparents decide it's too much for them and want one of the children to live with their other married daughter (no children of her own). Dad comes back into the picture, changes his position that requires very little travel and gets full custody. Everyone is happy. 

When the oldest is a teenager he refers to his dad as a "widower." Of course no one corrects him, but I think because they were divorced he is not a "widower." A friend disagrees. Just wondering what you all think. TIA!

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@beach-mom   All that matters is what I highlighted.

While yes, Dad is divorced, this young teen has dealt with the divorce; indicating Dad is a widower shuts out any question as to where mom is today.

I think it is fine and I hope nobody corrects him (not meaning you).

[violann]

In my book, a child who can reconcile himself to the turmoil all 3 of these children have endured, can call his father by any polite title he wants. 

Dad is a smart cookie to let the situation go for now. At some point in the future if he or his son feel it needs a rethink, he and his son will have more investment in their relationship and may choose, or not choose, to change something (or not).

[Love my grandkids]

@beach-mom Technically the dad is divorced but for pete's sake, if it makes the kid feel better to say "widower" WHO CARES?????

[SXMGirl]

Technically, it is a divorce.  The children can call it whatever they want and it really is no one's business.  In fact, unless you live with the family, no one know the dynamics and maybe the parents were in the process of getting back together, or maybe they, to some extent, still considered themselves married.  It happens.  The most important thing is that the kids are happy.

[Peaches McPhee]

Three quarters of that "story" has nothing to do with the final question.

He was divorced before wife died, so he is not a widower.  But like others have said, does it really matter what he calls himself, or what his son call him?  This one of those times, when being "technically right" is not so important.

[ROMARY]

Imo, it's absolutely fine for the son to call his dad a widower.

It's his way of coping.  Probably especially around his new friends, etc.

This should not bother anyone.  

I wouldn't mention anything about it to him.

Just 'carry on'.  

[Marp]

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@beach-mom wrote:

A couple gets divorced. They have three children; the oldest is 10. She gets primary custody; he has visitation. His job requires a lot of travel. Sadly three years later she is killed in an accident. The children go to live with their maternal grandparents for a while. Grandparents decide it's too much for them and want one of the children to live with their other married daughter (no children of her own). Dad comes back into the picture, changes his position that requires very little travel and gets full custody. Everyone is happy. 

When the oldest is a teenager he refers to his dad as a "widower." Of course no one corrects him, but I think because they were divorced he is not a "widower." A friend disagrees. Just wondering what you all think. TIA!

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I think referring to his father as a widower is a comfort to the teen and indicates to me he had/has a problem with the divorce. Perhaps it is his way of figuratively keeping the family unit intact.

I'm not sure that anyone should "correct" the teen but a conversation about why is definitely in order.

[MyShadowLove]

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@Marp wrote:

I think referring to his father as a widower is a comfort to the teen and indicates to me he had/has a problem with the divorce. Perhaps it is his way of figuratively keeping the family unit intact.

     I'm not sure that anyone should "correct" the teen      but a conversation about why is definitely in order.

@Marp ...What a thoughtful, insightful and compassionate observation...It could very well be related to how he emotionally processed and copes with his parents' divorce and, subsequently, his mother's death...both such traumatic experiences...at such a young age just within three years of each other.

I do agree that, in time, a sensitive and understanding talk with his son would be very therapeautic for both of them.

[Sooner]

I think to mention it to anyone is cruel at this point.