Question about POA after person has Dementia - Page 3

violann · ‎03-10-2010

Also want to add, in my mother's case, I SHOULD have put all of her money into my name and didn't.

My mother was in full care for 5 1/2 years, and the MedicAID "window" at the time was THREE years, so there would have been some of her estate "spared" which I'm SURE she would have wanted.

As it was, the cost of her care was nearly a million dollars, the entire amount she had saved over a 39 year marriage.

When all was said and done, I would have STRONGLY preferred her to have purchased a stove with a self cleaning oven for herself before she had to leave her home instead of spending it on diapers and a wheel chair, but sometimes you lose the chance to make choices.

If you put "estate" money into one person's name, then spend it on something other than the cost of care, it CAN "bite you in the b*tt", but personal experiences CAN vary.

A lawyer with a specialty in geriatric/elder care can really be helpful, if not essential, in specific situations.

Burnsite · ‎03-10-2010

My father developed early onset alzheimer's and faced a similar situation to yours, complicated by a recent family divorce and the fact that my dad's attorney was his brother (who also, as it happened) had Alzheimer's, in his case in an earlier stage.

As the children, we had no special rights, and had to fight for conservatorship, but it was not that expensive and only took about a year. The judges are looking for evidence, not for accusations/defenses, and the medical evidence was provided by two outside doctors who reported that the finances needed to be in competent hands. This wasn't just about money--denial of this illness means dangerous neglect for the patient.

It's a very tough situation, but be strong to do the best you can for her.

Stray · ‎04-20-2013

I had the same experience with my mil and dementia. All people are not open to doing a POA and that was the case with my mil. She was an expert in denial when she was well, was always negative and felt "people" were out to take her money, I would say she had a touch of paranoia which just exacerbated when she had full blown dementia. My DH was extremely generous with her in every way. It is just how some older people think so don't feel bad about not getting the POA before...she didn't do it then and won't now so don't try or even try to deceive her as it would be thrown out if someone challenged it. You need to go to an Elder Care Attorney now with medical documentation of dementia. They know the law re look back time when transferring assets and how to do it. The attorney can ask for an emergency hearing which for us in NJ took 2 months; the court also usually appoints an attorney to represent your mother and that is for the protection of the affected person. All relatives do not have good intentions. It is an expensive ordeal as you pay for both attorneys but in the long run, it not only helps with estate planning but gives you the authority to make difficult decisions re her care as well as preserving assets. You must go to court, have her declared incompetent and establish a guardianship. But, be sure you use an Elder Care attorney.

Ibby114 · ‎03-10-2010

How have the bills been paid if there isn't an official POA? My Dad had kidney failure and knew he couldn't take care of things- and my step Mom has dementia. I didn't start paying my their bills until we signed the paperwork- and it's good thing I did get on board because elders are so taken advantage of financially.

See an eldercre attorney. Since you're executor, with a medical diagnosis you should also be able to 'legally' handle the finances now.

kjh225 · ‎10-30-2010

Call me crazy, but somehow I am not sure a QVC Forum is the best place to ask a legal question. Not all states have the same law regarding this sort of thing. You can get a free consultation from most attorneys. My experience with this does not matter~~I am not an atty and lots of people seem to be giving legal advice. It is a nice gesture, but...

Pearlee · ‎06-11-2011

@kjh225 wrote:
Call me crazy, but somehow I am not sure a QVC Forum is the best place to ask a legal question. Not all states have the same law regarding this sort of thing. You can get a free consultation from most attorneys. My experience with this does not matter~~I am not an atty and lots of people seem to be giving legal advice. It is a nice gesture, but...

I think the OP realizes what you posted, because in her first post she does say she'll be talking to an attorney. I think she was just bouncing it off us and understands she needs to get appropriate legal advice in her state.

kdgn · ‎03-09-2010

You need to see an attorney who specializes in this field. In California there is no way to get a POA for healthcare or handling finances without the person giving you that power being in full mental command. Your mother is beyond that point.

The lawyer will advise you that steps need to be taken to have your mother declared incompetent to handle her own affairs. A guardianship for her person and a conservator for her finances will need to be appointed by the court.

I would strongly advise that you make an appointment ASAP before something happens either medically or financially that puts your mom in harm.

house_cat · ‎03-09-2010

I apologize if someone already said this -

We had this done last year for my mom and dad. I also live in CA. We used a law firm to do it, very simply, only cost $150 for both of them.

Just be aware of one thing - there is POA for legal affairs and one for health issues. Be sure you get both.

~ house cat ~

Kalli · ‎03-11-2010

Shoekitty, so sorry you are going through this. My siblings and I are also having to deal with this and it's so painful, expenses not even being the worst of it. It's seeing our parents losing mental functioning and knowing we're helpless to do anything about it.

We have gone to an elder care attorney and she's been great. Others on here have suggested this and I agree, see an attorney who specialies in this kind of thing. They've seen it before and know the procedures that are necessary and the pitfalls to avoid.

We held on to my parents' land and the old farmhouse, which was their wish all along. The money they saved to retire is in a trust. It will be spent for their care going forward. What they have saved will probably only last 2 years if they both go into a nursing facility.

millieshops · ‎03-09-2010

I have no idea about California law, but I know in NY, a person has to be mentally capable to sign a binding legal document.

Years ago when I had to move my aunt into a nursing home because home care had become dangerous for her, she had already made me POA but the nursing home insisted she sign some new forms. I insisted I was legally POA, but they kept insisting and won.

Twenty-four hous later they called me and said THEIR doctor said she was incompetent and her signature on a DNR was useless; I had to sign it. We'd already done all that with her lawyer years back, but I did sign a new DNR for them using my POA-approved signature.

That experience makes me think your family could confront some obstacles, but do see that lawyer you mentioned ASAP.