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Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,820
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Question about POA after person has Dementia

I am asking this as a topic of conversation. I live in California.I will see an attorney.  But wanted to ask any of you about getting a POA.   My Mother has Alzheimer's. It is at the mid stage I believe. She has properties, rentals, and many financial accounts.  The family( my brother and I) help her with all this.  In fact we pay bills, manage rentals, take care of my disabled brother.  She thinks she does all this, and that she is fully capable, and DOES NOT have dementia.  She cannot make sense of a statement most of the time.  She has a companion 4 days a week, half day.   I fill in the rest of her  her calender with visits with me, the grandkids and my brothers. Of course, she forgets she sees us, and thinks we are ingrates who never see her.  She is argumentative, independent minded, always complaining with extreme negativity. So it is hard.  She thinks she is fine.  The Doctor as much as told her her diagnosis, but she refused to believe him, and said he didn't know anything, and will not go back. Other than Alzheimer's, she has excellent health, does not take any meds.

 

I need a POA, but think she should not sign anything. Also, she doesn't totally understand POA, and would become irate and if she thought anyone was trying to do this. I know there is conservatorship, that takes a long time I think.  But I wanted to know.  Is there a way to get POA without them knowing, or having to sign? I am executor of her Trust, but that is it.  We need to take care of her, and she has the money, but we can't use it for her without her signing checks.  By the way...she thinks strawberries are  4 for 1.00.  No way would she pay for  more care. I need the power to force more care on her for her own sake

 

Thanks! I will look forward to input from you all

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,250
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Question about POA after person has Dementia

All I can tell you is that my Mother went to an Attorney and made her POA before she got ill.

 

This was in Missouri and I don't know how other states handle this type of situation.

 

I'm sure this is a hard situation for you to deal with on a day to day basis.

 

The best thing like you said is to see an Attorney.

 

Sorry, I'm not more help but this is a legal matter.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,270
Registered: ‎04-20-2012

Re: Question about POA after person has Dementia

[ Edited ]

Same here shoekitty (as Sister Golden Hair).  POA requires consent.  Sorry for what you're going through.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,450
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Question about POA after person has Dementia

My mother also did hers in advance, thank goodness.  She passed before she got to full-blown Alzheimer's, but I totally understand what you're dealing with.  The early stage was hard enough.  No doubt your attorney will tell you that you will first need to get medical documentation, such as a statement or statements from your mother's physicians.  Good luck; my thoughts are with you.

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 81
Registered: ‎04-24-2015

Re: Question about POA after person has Dementia

I understand how difficult this can be for you. I have had two family members with dementia. 

Your mom needs a durable power of attorney so that you can handle financial matters that are not part of the trust. She also needs a health care power of attorney that will permit you to make medical decisions on her behalf, including end of life decisions. It would be best if she then soon before she declined further and dose not have capacity. 

You cannot try to trick her into signing. She should see your lawyer or her own if she has one. Maybe the lawyer that drafted the trust. Maybe she will agree to sign if she understands the cost and burden of a guardianship and conseratorship.  

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 81
Registered: ‎04-24-2015

Re: Question about POA after person has Dementia

Everyone over 18 should have a durable POA and a health care POA.  You never know when you might be incapacitated.  You want your loved ones making those important decisions, and not have them publicly hashed out in a courtroom and decided by a judge. 

Valued Contributor
Posts: 805
Registered: ‎06-25-2015

Re: Question about POA after person has Dementia

My DH has Alzheimers and while he was capable, we did a POA through Legal Zoom. It worked for everything except a house sale that my son and DH owned jointly.  I live in CA too, and the underwriters wouldn't take the POA. I had to hire an attorney who turned out to be inexperienced which caused me no end of trouble. I am saying all this to urge you to choose a very experienced lawyer who specializes in elder care/estate planning. The laws are complicated and you want to do things right the first time.  I don't know what you do in your situation with your mother fighting you, You may have to get a conservatorship. They are a pain in the ***, but a really good lawyer will make it much easier. 

 

If you haven't already, go to the Alz.org website message board. There are great discussions, and I have learned a lot from being a part of this website.  God bless you!  I hope you can get things done without too much conflict. Alzheimers is a horrible disease in every way. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,820
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Question about POA after person has Dementia

My Mom is almost 95, and drove up until this past May.  She is so unaware of her condition, it is scary.  She wants nothing to do with anyone getting near her money, or to tell her what to do.  Her Doctor told me she  has denial so strong, there is nothing left for him to do.  She refused medication, help, etc. He will send me diagnosis and some papers to use, but he can do no more for her, until she is ready.   Anyway, there is no way she would see an attorney, or relinquish any rights on her own. I sure as heck wouldn't want to have her sign anything.  I was hoping there was some POA a family member could get when the ill person was too ill to reason.

 

Thanks for all the well wishes, I appreciate it

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 81
Registered: ‎04-24-2015

Re: Question about POA after person has Dementia

You can find a California elder law attorney through the National Association of Elder Law Attorneys. Their website has great information about these topics. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,091
Registered: ‎01-02-2011

Re: Question about POA after person has Dementia

I had to go to court in CA to receive a guardianship over my mother in very similar circumstances.  I had documentation of her dementia and inability for her to care for herself from numerous doctors and social workers.  

 

Even after being awarded the guardian status, the court placed strict rules on what I could and could not do as to her care.  It was very pricey, too.