Question About A Wedding Invitation

Jordan2 · ‎03-16-2010

I got a wedding invitation today in the mail. It was mailed on January 3 for a February 19 wedding. You must RSVP by January 15, it's a black tie affair.I'm thinking 9 days isn't much time to RSVP and am thinking I was an after thought invite, maybe they have gotten a number of nos.I won't be attending but I am wondering how much should a couple not attending a wedding give as a gift (a check)?TIA

Gram W · ‎01-22-2013

If the wedding couple are not friends or family I would not feel obligated to attend or send a gift. I do not attend any function where I feel I have been invited for appearance and/or a gift. In some minds a big black tie wedding requires a big expensive gift. A big black tie wedding is planned many months, if not a year, in advance. I agree that you might be a last minute fill in. No thank you.

SahmIam · ‎04-16-2010

In my world:

If I know the person, then I know they are getting married and also know that an invite will arrive with at LEAST a month of turn-around time to RSVP. If I can't attend, I pick something off their registry and either send it OR a check in the same amount (or $50 if they don't have a registry).

Beyond that: I say no and don't send anything.

JeanLouiseFinch · ‎10-03-2011

Are you very close with the bride or groom? I think, if you were, you would have known the wedding was coming and you would have received the invitation long ago, along with being invited to the bridal shower, if there was one. Unless I'm out of the loop, I think it's still customary to send wedding invitations 6 weeks in advance. It sure sounds like you could have been an afterthought. I'm sorry, that couldn't have felt good. If I were in a close relationship with either the bride or groom and just couldn't attend, I'd send the same thing I would have given them if I were attending. For a not-so-close relationship, I wouldn't feel too compelled to do anything, and even moreso if I was an afterthought.

ETA - I'm changing my response, sort of. I misread and thought the wedding was in mid- January. I somehow missed the February wedding date. You really have received the invitation in the appropriate amount of time so you weren't an afterthought. What I question now, is why the B & G need the RSVP's a month out? Ultimately, it's your decision if you want to send a gift or not.

ladyroxanne · ‎03-09-2010

@Jordan2

today is the 6th and they were mailed on the 3rd? no, you were not an afterthought. and for a mid feb. wedding that's about right.

if you feel so strongly about this, then i would send my regrets. no check or gift is necessary.

KarenQVC · ‎05-13-2010

It looks like you were on the B--or C--or D list. Send your regrets and a nice card.

muttmom · ‎11-28-2012

Some couples have A & B guest lists. As A listers send regrets, B listers receive invitations.

Since B listers are not as close as A listers, the relationship must not be that close. A gift off the register or a $50 check would my choice.

sallybusky · ‎01-06-2013

I'm surprised that a couple whose wedding will be a black tie affair didn't send out save-the-date cards several weeks in advance. Nonetheless, if you really care about the couple (or at least one of them), you should go! Dress up, make yourself beautiful, and have a ball! If the bride and/or groom don't mean that much to you, stay home in your sweats. If a gift won't break you, send what you can afford. If you're strapped and don't go, send a nice card. If they feel snubbed by the card, they'll probably think you felt snubbed by the late invitation.

maestra · ‎03-09-2010

Give what you can afford and what you feel is correct in your heart.

If you are not close a card is correct.

It may depend on your relationship w/the engaged couple/family.$50.00-100.00 is generous if you are close to the couple, otherwise just well-wishes is fine.

Katcat1 · ‎07-21-2011

It depends on how close you are to the person getting married. I received an invitation to a wedding (years ago) from someone I worked with and we were friendly but not close. I did not attend the wedding nor give a gift. I felt i should have not been invited in the first place but they were trying to fill space. No thanks.

kindness is strength