Community Chat

[Marienkaefer2]

On 3/19/2014 Irshgrl31201 said:

On 3/19/2014 glb613 said:

I'd rather give up than have the kid get beat up everyday at school. There is a time to draw a line in the sand and a time to not. Plus, I'd be worried about a boy who wanted a "my little pony" backpack.

See, I would be more worried if I had a kid who thought it was ok to taunt or beat up a kid who carried a my little pony backpack. That I see as a problem, not a kid who likes something that society says isn't what they are supposed to like. If we are serious about addressing bullying it should start here.

Yes, I agree.

I think that's the crux here. Not what the kid carries, but how society reacts.

[Irshgrl31201]

On 3/19/2014 Marienkaefer2 said:

On 3/19/2014 Irshgrl31201 said:

On 3/19/2014 Marienkaefer2 said:

On 3/19/2014 Dagna said:

On 3/19/2014 Marienkaefer2 said:

On 3/19/2014 Dagna said:

I guess I just find it amazing that in this time of - everyone must not just tolerate, but embrace diversity - that bullying seems to be at an all time high.

I remember high school in the 60's where we had a guy who was flamboyantly gay - and no one bothered him. He had his artsy friends and was fine. I know this personally because his sister and I were friends and I spent a lot of time with her - and with him. My boyfriend at the time was also his friend.

This was in a very conservative time and place and no one was lecturing us on how to behave.

Because it was one way in your experience, doesn't mean it was that way everywhere. Plenty of people were persecuted, thrown out of the parents' homes, injured, and killed for being gay or "different." Plenty still are.

Lots of bullying was not reported or addressed. Things happened and no one found out about them.

Actually, I'm not sure how the topic of being gay has come up related to this thread. Was it mentioned somewhere that the kid is gay?

If not, then just because this kid likes My Little Pony stuff does not mean he is gay. My mom's friend's son played with dolls a lot as a little kid. He is as straight as they come.

I don't know if he is or isn't. Other posters have mentioned discrimination against gays - which is why I did.

I'm not saying that discrimination never did - and does not still occur. Of course it did and does.

What I am saying is that - all the school programs on bullying, all the national attention to bullying, and all the lectures we get daily here on the forum and in the press - are not solving the problem.

The schools - every time we hear about a case of bullying - seem incapable of stopping it.

So what is the answer - more programs?

Is the answer to give up altogether?

I think by making this kid keep his back pack home they are giving up. They are in essence saying it is too much trouble for us so be yourself at home but not at school if it differs from societies norms.

When I said give up, I was referring to the "more programs" comment.

I took the statement to mean, education against this type of behavior (ie in the schools) isn't working, so what's the answer..more programs?

My response was..so do we give up altogether on the education?

As far as this particular case, I am on the fence, as I can see both sides.

Oh, I know what you meant. I don't think Dagna meant to give up either more like what is all this education for if we don't use for something like this. At least that is how I took it.

[stevieb]

It's a little of both, but it's certainly not dealing with the real problem. Not allowing an item because it might provoke trouble rather than dealing with the mentality of those creating the potential problem strikes me as being a lot like sticking one's head in the sand.

[Irshgrl31201]

On 3/19/2014 stevieb said:

It's a little of both, but it's certainly not dealing with the real problem. Not allowing an item because it might provoke trouble rather than dealing with the mentality of those creating the potential problem strikes me as being a lot like sticking one's head in the sand.

ITA.

[Marp2]

The school is meeting with the parents tomorrow (Thursday) to discuss and resolve the problem.

In the meantime Candler Elementary School parents, who support the schools actions in this case have also set up a Facebook page. It is called Prayers for Candler Elementary.

Following is an excerpt from an article about this:

In another telephone interview this morning, Buncombe County Schools Director of Student Services, David Thompson explained that he views bullying as the result of pervasive cultural bias among adults.

“First of all, we recognize that this [bullying] is not just a school problem, but a very serious cultural problem for adults too,” Mr. Thompson says. “Kids see bias in humor of comedians, in politics, and all over seeping into their consciousness and it’s reflected in our schools in the form of bullying.”

"Adults will often make jokes and use sarcasm around children. For many children who are very literal, they take it to heart. Adults may not even realize the bias they are imparting," Thompson says.

http://www.csmonitor.com/The-Culture/Family/Modern-Parenthood/2014/0318/Grayson-Bruce-Brony-bullying...

[SydneyH]

On 3/19/2014 glb613 said:

I'd rather give up than have the kid get beat up everyday at school. There is a time to draw a line in the sand and a time to not. Plus, I'd be worried about a boy who wanted a "my little pony" backpack.

The mother should really consider her agenda very carefully, although the physical violence has been nipped in the bud, he still has to see these children every day for next 3 months.

[QVC Shopper]

On 3/19/2014 glb613 said:

I'd rather give up than have the kid get beat up everyday at school. There is a time to draw a line in the sand and a time to not. Plus, I'd be worried about a boy who wanted a "my little pony" backpack.

What would you be worried about exactly?

[betteb]

On 3/19/2014 luvingit said:

I am a school counselor. I understand the school position. It is the easiest way to avoid conflict. It is difficult to handle every kid who teases this boy about his bag if there are more than a few. It becomes disruptive and takes time away from lesson time and can lead to violence on the playground and before and after school. The school could discipline every kid who teases this boy and even suspend them, but wouldn't it be simpler to leave the bag at home and the conflict is over?

It is not right that the boy get teased but this unfortunately is a part of elementary school and an ongoing problem since the beginning of time. It should not be allowed, but on the other hand, there are many ways of solving problems, too, so we can all get back to learning.

See my post #7 about taking the path of least resistance.

The easiest way is not always the right way. Maybe the school should lead by example and take the high road instead of minimizing the bully's behavior and blaming the victim.

[stevieb]

On 3/19/2014 QVC Shopper said:

On 3/19/2014 glb613 said:

I'd rather give up than have the kid get beat up everyday at school. There is a time to draw a line in the sand and a time to not. Plus, I'd be worried about a boy who wanted a "my little pony" backpack.

What would you be worried about exactly?

Good question.

Seems to me the only reasonable thing to worry about is the little boy's safety...

I guess some, though, assume he should be carrying a backpack touting a fascination with monster trucks, hunting, fishing, bikini-clad babes, or sports in order to qualify as being a 'real' boy... Oy...

[stevieb]

On 3/20/2014 betteb said:

On 3/19/2014 luvingit said:

I am a school counselor. I understand the school position. It is the easiest way to avoid conflict. It is difficult to handle every kid who teases this boy about his bag if there are more than a few. It becomes disruptive and takes time away from lesson time and can lead to violence on the playground and before and after school. The school could discipline every kid who teases this boy and even suspend them, but wouldn't it be simpler to leave the bag at home and the conflict is over?

It is not right that the boy get teased but this unfortunately is a part of elementary school and an ongoing problem since the beginning of time. It should not be allowed, but on the other hand, there are many ways of solving problems, too, so we can all get back to learning.

See my post #7 about taking the path of least resistance.

The easiest way is not always the right way. Maybe the school should lead by example and take the high road instead of minimizing the bully's behavior and blaming the victim.

I agree with you... Not even to mention that while some of the teasing might abate, some will likely continue whether he continues to carry the backpack or not. Again, it's a head in the sand solution. I get the expediency of managing it the way they have but I don't personally think it solves either the immediate problem or the deeper-seated one.