Community Chat

[Abrowneyegirl]

Pregnancy drama at work- what to do?  here is the back story......(I posted this earlier in the year)

I work with two women who are both of poor health they are amazingly similar in age, symptoms, and issues. They both have rheumatoid arthritis, autoimmune disease, fibromyalgia and the one has lupus.

I finally talked the one into going to work with my dietitian who helped me so much and it's about four months later and she's doing great. We are all so happy for her she is sleeping better, has less pain, more energy, looking better, and her doctors are thrilled - she is even on less medicine.  The other woman was astounded with our co-workers improvements so she went to see the same dietitian.

The day after her appointment we asked her how did it go and she replied it was a great appointment and she learned a lot but she doesn't think she's going to follow the advice or the diet given to her as there are too many foods on it that she doesn't want to give up!

I can not understand why someone so sick would be unwilling to do something so simple as change their diet if it could mean dramatic improvement in their health!!!

Well, the one who changed her diet continues to thrive, she looks YEARS younger and is doing so well!  Still stays on the diet (I will call her Fran).

The other still wants to whine and complain about her symptoms but gets very little sympathy as it is her choice not help herself (I will call her Anne). People have grown tired of the whole thing.

THE PROBLEM- Fran become pregnant and has not miscarried for the first time ever (they both have suffered miscarriages in the past).

We are over the moon for her and her husband who desperately want a family.

This news is very hard for Anne.  Other pregnancies in the office have been 'fine' but Fran becoming pregnant has caused a huge upset.

If anyone mentions it or congratulations Fran, Anne becomes agitated and hostile, especially to Fran.

My heart aches for Fran.  Such a happy occasion marred with drama.

Many have suggested we do all baby events and conversations in secret, excluding Anne to avoid this conflict.  

For some reason this seems like it will only make things worse (as you know it will leak out).  Any thoughts?

PS - I have suggested that people STOP reminding Anne that "maybe she should try changing her diet...."  

Signed,

Walking on Egg Shells

[MyGirlsMom]

Dear Walking on Eggshells,

If you aren't a Doctor or Dietitian, leave the poor woman alone.  

[cherry]

I wouldn't feel obliged to have anything in secret. They both have made their choices, and  are living with the results.

If Anne ,had a least ,given it a try, and it didn't work out for her, I would feel differently

[raven-blackbird]

@Abrowneyegirl

You have done all you can do.........if she won't follow the suggestions, then it's on her..............but I don't think you should hide anything from her..........just like her illness, she'll need to learn to deal with this also......cause that baby ain't going anywhere...............................raven

[Meowingkitty]

Anne is going to do what she wants to do. If she wants something bad enough she will change. I would carry on and not hide the pregnancy events from her. Why should Fran feel guilty and made to hide just because of Anne. Don't coddle Anne. Hopefully she will get over it. 

[alicedee]

People shouldn't have to walk on eggshells at their jobs.  Human Resources should be dealing with Anne if the drama is creating issues at work.  

[RedTop]

I would not deprive Fran of any excitement, joy and happiness from her pregnancy.   I think your office should celebrate openly as usual.   

Anne made her choice; I would not play into her drama.   If Anne continues to be hostile towards Fran, then it needs to be brought to the attention of a supervisor.   

[KingstonsMom]

I agree with @cherry.

It's also not fair to Fran that her joyous event be treated like a deep, dark secret, IMO.

[on the bay]

Can you give some idea of what the diet was that helped so much? It would be interesting to know,especially since many cannot afford a dietician if their insurance doesn't cover it.

Some diets can help without being so restrictive with just some good changes. I would hope that the dietician could structure a "diet" individual to each person.

[software]

Not really totally similar but a host on QVC had a miscarriage this year then another host just announced her THIRD pregnancy and it was like 4th of July.    No fireworks but there was confetti.   I felt like it was over the top and insensitive.    An announcement would be fine, but it was ridiculous and on the air.

My opinion is like the others here.   You don't have to rub her nose in it but it is cause to celebrate.  Just do it.   And leave Anne alone-- no more suggestions, no more walking on eggshells.   None of anyone's business.  Live & let live.

@Abrowneyegirl