Community Chat

[JeanLouiseFinch]

DH and I want to do this. It's not urgent but would like to do it within the next year or so.  I haven't done any research but I'm sure it's expensive even with the most modest of plans.  It's just something we want to have done so it'll be easier in our kids later.  Basicslly, we will choose cremation and a simple memorial service, no cemetery plot, no burial.  If you have done this and can tell me how the whole thing works. I'd appreciate it.

[Travone]

I can't tell you how it works but my mother did this and it was so easy on us when she passed. She did it soon after my father passed and then lived another 20 years.  We knew about this.   But what we didn't know is that as she got older she even planned the funeral mass.....including readings and songs.  All we had to do is pick out the funeral cards and pay the priest. I can't begin to tell you how much peace we had knowing she had the funeral she wanted. 

Good luck with your decision. 

[Somertime]

It's easy............one stop shopping!  Make an appointment with a funeral director of your choice, he will go over everything with you regarding the choices you make.  Cremation, chose an urn, viewing for the family and friends, if a viewing do you want the casket open or closed, minister or priest in attendance, do you want to show a video or display pictures of the deceased.  The choice is yours..........think about what you want BEFORE you make arrangements as well as how much you wish to spend.

You can get a figure on everything and then if it is far more than you wish to spend, you eliminate some of your choices.  Yes, you pay up front in full unless your funeral director has a payment plan.  When the time arrives, your family notifies the funeral home and then makes an appointment to initiate the arrangements. If for some reason your family wishes to add to the arrangements you made, they will pay the differential, otherwise nothing is due, it's been paid for in full,

[CalminHeart]

I want a funeral Mass and cremation. I already paid for the crematorium space. I have money set aside for expenses.

I wrote up a ton of notes for my kids about insurance, investments, if my dog if he outlives me, big & little decisions, etc etc etc. These notes are bundled with copies of my will, living will, medical and financial POAs. One of my sons is on all my accounts to make it easier after I go.

[CalminHeart]

My parents set up and paid for everything years ago. It was a godsend when Mom died. Dad is now almost 92 and not doing well and I know it'll help when his time comes.

My brother had a terminal illness so I helped him set up everything before he died a few months ago. His loss is overwhelming to his spouse and me and having things set up really helped ease the stress. I miss him more than words can say, he was my best friend.

[Mom2Dogs]

My mom who had terminal cancer pre planned her funeral, it was a a huge help to us as none of us lived in the town she lived in so when she passed we did not have that task to take care of.  My sister went with her to the funeral home, they chose the casket, music, time, length of service.

My husband and I just purchased our burial plot this year after seveal years of 'discussions' on my part...I finally guilted him into buying the plot.  This coming year we will purchase our stone.

We are Christian but we do not want a formal service.  We will both be cremated and possibly a graveside service. Both of our families are small and most likely because of a large age gap I will be left to handle his service and I am not the type of person/personality that need a lot of people around me during difficult times.  I have already taken some flack from a few people about not wanting a service but hopefully I am able to stand my ground when the time comes.  I will be writing down our wishes and putting that information with our important papers...and let his daughter and my niece know where that information is in the house.

If you don not want to pay for your service right now, I would write down in a book exactly what you want and your children would know where that information is.

We had a friend that had his funeral planned, down to the smallest detail.  It was a lovely service....just not what I, or my husband wants.

I will be interested to read the responses to your question.

[Shanus]

Jewish tradition/law is no enbalming, so immediate burial (with 2 days) is best. Both parents prepaid their plain wooden box (dust to dust and ashes to ashes) and wrote out a request for the service for the family. 

While in shock and mourning, knowing the details were  taken care of helped so much.

I'm a little young hopefully to need it, but DH and I have chosen our service and prepaid the expenses like my folks.

***The prices keep going up and locking it in now seemed prudent.

[Shanus]

When my brother died unexpectedly over 20 yrs. ago, my Dad purchased a "family plot" with space for all of us. There's only one Jewish cemetery nearby, so we all know where we'll be. That also takes some of the sting about making arrangements.

[Carolina925]

I've not had experience with this but I do know when my mother passed, we were in such shock that it was very difficult to try and figure out what she would've wanted. I'm no longer married, no children, only my brother & sister, and have considered making my plans in advance. Good luck on your decision, I think it would make it a lot easier on those you leave behind.

[Puppy Lips]

In July DH and I visited our home state and went to a cemetery where we have a lot of relatives. What they started to do there is put cremated remains into a boulder. They drill holes into the rock and put the ashes in there. Then they put a round plaque with the info on top. What started as a fact finding visit ended in a $10k purchase. That got us our spot by a ravine and a Boulder, both of which we picked out. We both love rocks and trees, so this is perfect for us, plus his brother has a spot nearby. We will be in the same boulder. I suppose we can plan a service later, but this is a start. I think planning your own funeral is a very loving thing to do for those left behind. Blessings to you.