Community Chat

[jlkz]

My uncle, a widower, lived at home alone for the last 5 years before he passed at 90.  While a well-regarded professional, he refused to go to assisted living although he was almost totally blind and diabetic.  

He also refused pleas by his family and granddaughter to allow us to put some type of life alert in the house:  no way Mr. Stubborn said.  While he was checked on daily by family, the first time he fell it was shortly after his checker left.  He was on the floor for 18 hours with his little dog.  

After a stint in the hospital and rehab where he gained some strength in one leg,  he went home and again refused an alert system.  This time the fall caused extensive injury:  he had surgery but became delusional and fiercely combative to the point that we thought we would have to hire security for his room.  

He was heavily sedated and slept through several days.  I brought my dad's ( his brother who had passed a year earlier ) rosary beads and the nurse placed them on his neck.  He passed

a few hours later.

 ( When my dad passed, it was my uncle who walked into his room and as my dad looked up, he said his name and passed.  I am sure my dad came for him. )

Point:  it is not always money that is behind a refusal to get an alert system.  Sometimes, the person just wants to leave this earth.   What they never consider is the pain, heartache, etc. they permit to envelop the remaining family and friends.  If they did, they would not persist.

[Carmie]

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@patbz wrote:

 Even having caring and attentive family is not always enough. My late MIL lived in a small town where 2 of her children lived.  They called and visited daily but one time they didn't coordinate and both were out of town.  My MIL tripped over her dog and hit her head on a bathroom sink. They estimate she was in that bathroom for 8 plus hrs before she was found.  She recovered in the hospital and was never quite the same.  We all need backup plans if we live alone.

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You are 100% correct.  This past July a close family member of mine fell and broke a hip.  It was over the July 4th weekend.  Most of my family was on vacation out of town.

It was a very good thing she had a cell phone in the pocket of her robe or she would have laid on the kitchen floor a day or two.

 It's scary to live alone or have some type of disability and not have proper help.

Years ago, my eye doctor, who was the sole caregiver of his mother went outside in the middle of the winter at night to take trash out.  He fell on the ice and hit his head.  He froze to death and no one knew because his back yard was private and secluded.

His mother was stuck in bed for two days alone.  Only when the doc didn't report to work and his secretary called the police did they find him dead and his mother who was barely alive.

I think this type of thing happens more often than we know.

[Carmie]

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@JAXS Mom wrote:

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@Nicknack wrote:

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@Carmie wrote:
She lives in the suburbs near Philadelphia.  She has never been married and is the youngest child in her family and the only one still living.  She was born in the home she lives in.

She is of sound mind and wants to live in her home.  I don't know exactly what her help does nor how they charge, but her nephew, told me that  the figure she gave me was correct.  I know her help is there most of the day... She is alone at night only.

Some posters have said care can be had for $4000-5000 a month.  That would still be  48,000 - 60,000 a year and much more than most people can afford.

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@Carmie  Home care is much cheaper than Assisted Living.  Not even 24 hr. a day home care is $200,000 a year.  Someone is taking extreme advantage of your relative.   It really seems like her nephew should be looking into this for her.

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I think a cognitive test by a geriatric Dr is in order. $

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She is my late father's first cousin and there is nothing I can do.  Her nieces and nephew live 90 minutes from her and visit her occasionally and  take her to church, etc.

the last time I visited her she was of sound mind and quite feisty.  She apparently can afford the care she is receiving and I know she has several people helping her in her home.

there is no legal way for anyone to interfere with her wishes.  She has no children or siblings.  If you ask her personal questions that are not your business she will let you know you crossed the line.

It is not wise to mess with an Independent Italian woman.

[Marp]

@Carmie, if I could give you a multiple hearts for your last sentence, "It is not wise to mess with an Independent Italian woman." I would.

[MyShadowLove]

These stories are so tragic!...Unfortunately, there are so many more similar to this....It is a disgrace to our society that there is not more affordable care for our elderly and also the fact that there are many families who neglect the care of their elderly!

I can understand where it is very difficult  for the elderly to lose their independence as time goes on and they just don't want to move from the comfort of their homes...However, it is up to each of us to take responsibility and see to it that our loved ones are well cared for...At the same time, families should have more affordable resources to turn to that can help in their care.

Oh wait, I just realized that it is being expected that everyone should have been prepared for these situations and should be millionaires by now!...Expenditures and Resources are going elsewhere!

Silly me!

[Bestdressed]

@Marp ... Thanks for the reminder to check on parents, neighbor or the elderly.  My dad had an alert penant that he wore everyday.  The 1st time he broke his hip, he fell outside the back door an hour after I left his house.  That pendant saved his life that day, as I was called right after he fell.

I remember a family friend died after he fell outside his house, on a cold December night.  He was dying of cancer. The family was asleep when he went outside in the middle of the night. They found him in the morning... it was too late.

I guess, there is no way we can be protected at all times. I sometimes worry I will fall outside, letting the dogs out late at night.  My husband sleeps soundly at night... unlike myself.

[Kachina624]

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@JAXS Mom wrote:

Why were two people one of which was in a wheelchair and the other using a walker alone in the first place? It really sounds like they should have had a round the clock live in or been in assisted living. 

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People have what they can afford.  Money was probably an issue so they lived alone.

[feline groovy]

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@MaggieMack wrote:

This story hurts my heart. It probably didn't take her long to succumb to the cold. One of those medical alert necklaces might have saved her life if either she or her husband had one on. Tragic.

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ITA with all points, Mags.

Or do as I do, and have a charged working cell phone on you at all times.

I have chronic health conditions, live solo, and you just never know.

When I'm home, I always wear a hip/waist pack with my cell and cordless phones in it.

Even when I take a shower, I leave it in the bathroom close by.

When I'm out, my cell phone is always on me somehow or in my purse.

This way, you can help others as well.  8)

I even have a 'backup' cell for my cell, LOL, just in case.

Seriously, "there, but for" go any  one of us.

P.S.:  

If you know anyone under 80 with daily health challenges, please stay in contact with them as well.

Thanks.

[Marp]

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@feline groovy wrote:

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@MaggieMack wrote:

This story hurts my heart. It probably didn't take her long to succumb to the cold. One of those medical alert necklaces might have saved her life if either she or her husband had one on. Tragic.

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ITA with all points, Mags.

Or do as I do, and have a charged working cell phone on you at all times.

I have chronic health conditions, live solo, and you just never know.

When I'm home, I always wear a hip/fanny pack with my cell and cordless phones in it.

Even when I take a shower, I leave it in the bathroom close by.

When I'm out, my cell phone is always on me somehow or in my purse.

This way, you can help others as well.  8)

I even have a 'backup' cell for my cell, LOL, just in case.

"There but for" go any  one of us.

P.S.:  

If you know anyone under 80 with daily health challenges, please stay in contact with them as well.

Thanks.

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I just want to add a reminder that a charged cell phone will be able to call 911 without the need for a service provider.  If you don't know what to do with your old cell phone perhaps there is someone you know that could benefit by being able to call 911 in an emergency but does not want or cannot afford cell service.

[qvcaddition]

I called my 74 yr old friend Sat. Morning. Got the answering machine.  She usually picks up, but didn,t.  I thought she is out, but didn,t call back that day.  No biggie, but was strange, because she always calls back the same day..  I wanted her to know QUACKER FACTORY would be on that day, her favorite.  A big QVC HOARDER.  I got busy Sun with volunteering, so called again Monday morning, again answering machine. I said Bars WHERE ARE YOU, I am coming over today if you don,t call back.  The phone is picked up and her son said his Mother passed away a couple of nights ago in her bed with her two dogs by her side.  After the shock, I figured she died Friday night.  She was not sick.  We had spoken Thursday night and discussed what she brought from Susan Graver and QUACKER.  

Her family did not keep in touch with her every day, she did not have an alert button, and we did not talk everyday, but at least once a week.  I did not know her family.

I have a 87 year old friend with no family here.  I have her call me everyday to check in because she is forgetful and frail.  Her daughter lives in another state.  My friend called her daughter two weeks ago and just today, her daughter returned the call.  If this women forgets to call me each day, I call her at night.  Sometime she get aggravated with me when I ask her to call between 4 & 5'  S says she doesn,t want to wAtch the clock.  I think dementia is getting worse.  I am the only one in her life here.  Daughter can travel to different states and Europe, but not to see her Mother for BIRTHDAY OR MOTHERS DAY, a week apart.  

SAD how the elderly are treated by family.  Not like  years ago with respect.

I also have a friend in the city who has no family, no friends left and refuses to move closer to me.  She also refuses a medical life button. I keep in touch with her once a week.  I would call the police in her area if I COULD NOT REACH her.

BOTTOM LINE, WE NEED TO WATCH FOR EACH OTHER.  Sorry for long post, but this is happening and I Want to get it out there.

I emailed my son every morning.  If he doesn,t get my e mail by 3, he will call or come to my house. I also have a Medical alert button.  At least I know  I won,t be dead for two days before discovered.