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Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,078
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: People Who Won't Take No For An Answer.

There is a diff between NO! and a reply that is polite. Some people don't like to be direct,but sometimes we have to be.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,152
Registered: ‎05-15-2014

Re: People Who Won't Take No For An Answer.

@Retired Legal Secretary  Wow, seems like a pickle........I would attend though, you will probably have a nice time.  I have a similar group of friends and sometimes they do drive me crazy (I'm not single, but in other ways).   I go to the get togethers most of the time but they do girls weekends and I never go.  I find by the time the weekend is over I never want to see them again....LOL    I blame my hubby (poor guy) and tell them he doesn't want me to be away from him.  Not true, but it drives them nuts.  Hahaha!  Whatever you decide, just try to make it known that you're off limits but thank you anyway Smiley Happy

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,407
Registered: ‎07-07-2010

Re: People Who Won't Take No For An Answer.

@CrazyKittyLvr2  Have a good time at the party.  If he approaches you and asks for a date, tell him no.  Sometimes you just have to get it out there and be direct.  Knowing me, I would tell him to stop depending on his sister and get out there and find someone himself (even though if he has been married twice, maybe he is not so good at that).

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,847
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Re: People Who Won't Take No For An Answer.

@CrazyKittyLvr2  Run, don’t walk.   If he was that great, his actions  would prove it.

 

I don’t get people.  Some people can’t get it, that sometimes, you can be alone and HAPPY.  Many successful, beautiful woman are alone because they want to be.  I would pass on the evening it he was showing up.  Failed relationships, they happen to most people at some point, but this guy sounds immature and sis is making it worse.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,142
Registered: ‎07-01-2012

Re: People Who Won't Take No For An Answer.

This get together is already uncomfortable for you and seems to be a situation where you would be looking to dodge some people, and explaining your position to some others.Could you have a good time then if you went?

You mentioned you are not comfortable in crowds yet and so that is another thing you should consider.

 

Why go, go to another one.

 

No is no, and you do not need to explain your position over, and over again.

 

I have no tolerance for this sort of thing and would walk away from it. Friends accept a friend as they are and need not agree with everything they do and do not pester a friend concerning a choice or a no.

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,471
Registered: ‎10-10-2019

Re: People Who Won't Take No For An Answer.

 

 

 

Have to agree with @Group 5 minus 1 . Seems you are not being blunt enough for them to take the hint. If they are only a former classmate why be hesitate to make yourself clear? If you consider them a friend they evidently aren't or they would cease the asking once you politely declined. 

 

If it bothers you enough to post on the forum take stand and make yourself clear. 

 

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,110
Registered: ‎05-11-2013

Re: People Who Won't Take No For An Answer.

@SXMGirl  I'm going to see how I feel about going in a couple days.

 

I can have a mouth if someone starts getting snippy with me or really nasty. But I never want to hurt someone's feelings. I can usually find a way to say something that's not mean or jusr blunt but this time I'm stumped.

 

I know she adores him and is proud of him but he is just not the "catch" she thinks he is.  That catch has been thrown back too many times.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,941
Registered: ‎05-09-2014

Re: People Who Won't Take No For An Answer.

@CrazyKittyLvr2  You are entirely right. When you say no or not interested or indicate any rejection of someone elses's own hopes or preferences for the way you should live or behave, it should end it there.

 

The answer to the rude boundary-crossing question of "why not?" Is to say "why do you want to know?"  This doesn't validate their pushy question. It makes the mannerless person admit crossing the line that they should have accepted. And they themselves have to validate their "why not?" or they will finally give up. 

But sometimes you ask them why they press on with "why not" and here are further obnoxious, self righteous examples to deal with, most likely finally ending with them put in their place and giving up:

If they say "I only want you to be happy"

Your answer is "I told you I'm not interested. That is making myself happy. Are you not satisfied that I know how to express my happiness? I'm not interested makes me happy. So now you need not seek more for me."

There is no answer to your now-stated emphasis and it immediately takes the power of your happiness out of their hands. 

If they say "But you should just give him/dating a chance!"

Your answer is: I said I'm not interested. If I change my mind, I'll keep you informed. Can I be any clearer?"

 

There is no comeback for that either. You have made it very clear. 

 

If they say "Well, I was only trying to help"

Then you say, "Help with what?  My answer was I'm not interested. How is it helpful to ask me why not? A helpful person takes me at my word." 

Now don't go feeling like you were rude by pushing through the "why not" to make them defend their audacity. All your responses to any dumb comeback they make must be polite and pointed. You are responsible for civility and tone and firmness. You are not responsible for your affect on them,  If they are miffed or hurt, embarrassed or shocked, that's on them. As long as you provoke them to answering for why they can't accept your saying "not interested", then they are stuck with consequences they could have avoided. 

People like this do not see boundaries. You needn't be surprised at their nervy assertiveness. You make your boundary clear and then you stay silent to make them go somewhere else to hide their chagrin. 

If Baby Brother makes overtures on his own, that is easily shut down:  "I'm sure I didn't give you any reason to believe I'm interested in your attention. Please understand your interest in me will not be reciprocated."


Few men explicitly rejected or put in notice will keep trying.  Those who do will have to be embarrassed by a public rejection made in earshot of others to shut it down. Unwanted attention from a man has to be discouraged privately and firmly first, loudly if necessary, lest they think it's just you playing hard to get. Always polite, always clear and firm. 

Have fun at the party, any party that might have these social oafs in attendance. Stand up for yourself politely but persistently against the Won't Take No people.  They look for easier victims once you are too much effort. 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,913
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: People Who Won't Take No For An Answer.

@CrazyKittyLvr2 

 

You ask why?  I am who I am, and when I need to say no to anyone, including friends and family? My concern is primarily letting them know, in no uncertain terms, I mean no. If that hurts their feelings? So be it, I guess they didn't know me as well as I thought.

 

Beating around the proverbial *u*h is not, and has never been, who I am. That's my way! You asked, I replied.

 

 

 

hckynut(john)

hckynut(john)
Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,440
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: People Who Won't Take No For An Answer.

If I want to get rid of a pestering old geezer, I ask to see a copy of his 1040.

♥Surface of the Sun♥