Reply
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,488
Registered: ‎07-16-2017

Re: Parents & Teenagers Being Friends

This Jane person sounds completely weird.Is there a father in the picture?Does the 19 year old work or go to school?Feel sorry for those daughters.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,702
Registered: ‎08-22-2013

Re: Parents & Teenagers Being Friends

One of my husband's former coworkers was like that with her kids. The boys kind of tolerated her hovering, but the girl made an illness out of it, literally. The boys went to college in state and so did the girl, but it took her like 7 years to graduate. The daughter is still under the mother's control, but the boys now have MIL's so she can only hover half time. The mom retired so she could watch the daughter's baby, it just goes on and on.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,853
Registered: ‎05-11-2013

Re: Parents & Teenagers Being Friends

Yes, Husband/Dad is in picture. He is used to coming in 3rd. 4th if you count the dog. And yes, she babies the dog like the kids. Oldest goes to college. School is probaby 40 miles one way. For now she is commuting.I think it's crazy given winter weather problems, paying for gas to say nothing that travel time could be spent on hitting the books. Although,I guess being at college during the day is opening her eyes to some independence.

 

A group of us had lunch one day, the youngest was home with a head cold. Girl called her Mother 3 times in an hour. It's a head cold for heaven sake. There were Grandparents across the street. The kicker, found out later they went to an event at school that night.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,853
Registered: ‎05-11-2013

Re: Parents & Teenagers Being Friends

I should add, other than her unexplained obsession with her kids, she doesn't have a mean bone in her body, would do anything for anyone and is good at her job.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,183
Registered: ‎05-08-2016

Re: Parents & Teenagers Being Friends


@NicksmomESQ wrote:

  I was always close to my son.He confides in me even now that he’s an adult.But I’ve always made it clear that I am his mother first & foremost.He needs a mother not another friend.

 I don’t judge him but I do tell him what I think.He knows that I will always tell him the truth.Home will always be his soft place to fall.

 It’s one thing to be close to your teenager.It’s another thing to be their friend.When they grow up the dynamic changes a bit.I found that I got even closer to my son.He appreciated my strength & guidance as well as the space I’ve always given him.We enjoy eachothers company.But we are not friends.I’m a proud mother of wonderful young man who is in the process of carving out his place in the world. As it should be.

  


ITA, & have raised my children the same way. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 27,887
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: Parents & Teenagers Being Friends

Many a good kid has been lured into abusing alcohol and drugs by one of those "cool moms".  They are predators.  They use kids to make themselves feel better.  Parents have to be diligent about who they allow into their children's lives and what homes their kids are allowed to spend time in.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,139
Registered: ‎04-16-2010

Re: Parents & Teenagers Being Friends

A huge NO to the entire situation.

 

 

True story:

 

We have drilled it into our kids head that drugs and booze are a HUGE NO. #1 reason is alcoholism is rampant on all sides of our families; so is drug addiction. It's not worth the risk of "just a sip".

 

One of our boys went with a friend for the weekend to the parents home at the beach (they were seniors in HS at the time, both were 17). Our son informed us that the booze flowed all weekend courtesy of the parents (they and other family members were there and we knew they would be else, he would not have been allowed to go) and ALL the teens were encouraged to drink as long as they didn't drive. My son was the ONLY PERSON who did not drink. He told us about those who drunk to the point of passing out; having to pull someone out of the pool who had passed out and fallen into the water; about helping people to the bathroom to vomit.....he came home disgusted about the whole idea of getting drunk for the sake of getting drunk (which is what they were doing).

 

We were shocked. We had NO idea this was going to happen/be allowed. My son dumped the kid as a friend. I called the school that Monday and spoke to his guidance counselor. Come to find there were a few parents who wanted the name of these people and their kids wouldn't tell them (all they knew was the name of the student who had invited them to the beach). There were some serious issues and a few parents wanted to charge the host parents for supplying booze to minors. I don't know the results of that but I know my son never spoke to the kid again. He was simply that turned off by what happened and the fact that his friend didn't see any of it as a big deal.

 

Thank God our son had the sense to say no.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,467
Registered: ‎01-09-2011

Re: Parents & Teenagers Being Friends

Most kids have enough friends. What they need are parents with parenting skills!

"Cats are poetry in motion. Dogs are gibberish in neutral." -Garfield
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,354
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Parents & Teenagers Being Friends

Behavior is dysfunctional and illegal on many levels.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,565
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Parents & Teenagers Being Friends

My husband has a cousin that has 3 children, they are all young adults, in their early twenties and still living at home.  They aren't "allowed" to pass on family outings, day trips, etc, can't travel alone unless their mother is with them.

 

None of them ever held jobs all through high school and unless they were given full scholarships for college (only one was) the other two weren't allowed to go because the father wasn't going into debt for them and wasn't co-signing student loans for them to go into debt themselves.

 

Weird family wanting to control everything.