Re: Paging the poster ""Complicated"" please....

Plaid Pants · ‎11-03-2014

What got to me was, xoxo made it sound as if she was the only person to have ever struggled taking care of an elderly parent, and poor her, she's helpless, there is nothing that she can do, except complain.

No, many of us have gone through it, or are going through it. Is it easy? No, it isn't. No one ever said that being a care-giver was going to be easy.

She'd rather sit on her backside, whine and complain about how "mean" her father, brother and dad are being, instead of getting up and actually doing something about it.

That's what the rest of us do. We do what need to be done, to make sure that the remaining time our aging parents have left, is good.

Because, you know, sometimes you have to put their needs ahead of your own.

It's called being selfless instead of self-centered.

She seems to not give a tinkers darn about the quality of life that her father has. It's always one excuse after another as to why nothing can be done.

Well, pretty soon, so won't have that annoying thorn in her side to worry about anymore, because her father will be gone from her life forever, and she'll never have to be bothered by him ever again.

Her lack of action, and refusal to do anything to help her father have good quality of life speak volumes as to how she feels about him.

Because remember, actions speak louder than words.

game-on · ‎03-22-2010

I happened upon this thread.... and what I saw was a defeated woman.... no matter how she got there she is very down.....

plaid pants .... you and others may be handling your situations differently, but this lady doesn't seem to be able to do it the same way....

Instead of jumping all over someone who is down and out... I feel it is better to be supportive....

She is lashing out at the posters here, IMO, because she feels helpless and frustrated.... she lost her mom and now is facing the loss of her father, who probably has dementia ..... and is dealing with two men (her brother and her hubby) who are doing things the best way they know how.... but all three of them have a big problem.... it is the care of the father....

I think she is at the end of her rope..... I would not want to push her over the edge.

SurvivedOne · ‎11-04-2013

On 11/14/2014 game-on said:
I happened upon this thread.... and what I saw was a defeated woman.... no matter how she got there she is very down.....

plaid pants .... you and others may be handling your situations differently, but this lady doesn't seem to be able to do it the same way....

Instead of jumping all over someone who is down and out... I feel it is better to be supportive....

She is lashing out at the posters here, IMO, because she feels helpless and frustrated.... she lost her mom and now is facing the loss of her father, who probably has dementia ..... and is dealing with two men (her brother and her hubby) who are doing things the best way they know how.... but all three of them have a big problem.... it is the care of the father....

I think she is at the end of her rope..... I would not want to push her over the edge.

She is posting on the beauty and fashion forums, so she's not quite at the end of any rope. She is not helpless. What needs to be done is what is best for the only living parent left, to preserve whatever amount of life he has left. It means doing what is uncomfortable, what is beyond difficult but mandatory at this stage.. I'm sorry, but someone in their 90's living in an apartment with no gas and whatever else is wrong mentally, physically, emotionally..that is beyond abusive. I would literally move heaven and earth to get him out of there, to someplace safe where he will be kept warm, fed, cared for mentally, physically and under medical care. Why this has not been done without excuses makes no sense whatsoever. It is beyond cruel.

Plaid Pants · ‎11-03-2014

On 11/14/2014 SurvivedOne said:
On 11/14/2014 game-on said:
I happened upon this thread.... and what I saw was a defeated woman.... no matter how she got there she is very down.....

plaid pants .... you and others may be handling your situations differently, but this lady doesn't seem to be able to do it the same way....

Instead of jumping all over someone who is down and out... I feel it is better to be supportive....

She is lashing out at the posters here, IMO, because she feels helpless and frustrated.... she lost her mom and now is facing the loss of her father, who probably has dementia ..... and is dealing with two men (her brother and her hubby) who are doing things the best way they know how.... but all three of them have a big problem.... it is the care of the father....

I think she is at the end of her rope..... I would not want to push her over the edge.

She is posting on the beauty and fashion forums, so she's not quite at the end of any rope. She is not helpless. What needs to be done is what is best for the only living parent left, to preserve whatever amount of life he has left. It means doing what is uncomfortable, what is beyond difficult but mandatory at this stage.. I'm sorry, but someone in their 90's living in an apartment with no gas and whatever else is wrong mentally, physically, emotionally..that is beyond abusive. I would literally move heaven and earth to get him out of there, to someplace safe where he will be kept warm, fed, cared for mentally, physically and under medical care. Why this has not been done without excuses makes no sense whatsoever. It is beyond cruel.

^ This

HisElk · ‎09-30-2012

On 11/14/2014 game-on said:
I happened upon this thread.... and what I saw was a defeated woman.... no matter how she got there she is very down.....

plaid pants .... you and others may be handling your situations differently, but this lady doesn't seem to be able to do it the same way....

Instead of jumping all over someone who is down and out... I feel it is better to be supportive....

She is lashing out at the posters here, IMO, because she feels helpless and frustrated.... she lost her mom and now is facing the loss of her father, who probably has dementia ..... and is dealing with two men (her brother and her hubby) who are doing things the best way they know how.... but all three of them have a big problem.... it is the care of the father....

I think she is at the end of her rope..... I would not want to push her over the edge.

game-on, I posted on her original thread about taking some of your advice, which BTW, I thought was eloquently written.

There were some "not so nice posts", but many of them were people who were trying to help and giving her advice. Then I read how she called many people bullies, etc. and IMO, that just wasn't fair to those who took the time to try to give her some advice/help, particularly when written in a kind, gentle way. One poster, pitadakota, took quite some time to write a nice, lengthy post giving her some ideas and advice.

From what the poster "Survived One" posted, it surely doesn't sound like she's near the end of her rope.

Marianne1 · ‎04-16-2013

I am sorry, but discussing the poster behind her back it kind of off putting for me.

I hate to make waves, but it makes me uncomfortable.

sorry.

game-on · ‎03-22-2010

Marianne.... good point....

I am out....

Plaid Pants · ‎11-03-2014

On 11/14/2014 HisElk said:
On 11/14/2014 game-on said:
I happened upon this thread.... and what I saw was a defeated woman.... no matter how she got there she is very down.....

plaid pants .... you and others may be handling your situations differently, but this lady doesn't seem to be able to do it the same way....

Instead of jumping all over someone who is down and out... I feel it is better to be supportive....

She is lashing out at the posters here, IMO, because she feels helpless and frustrated.... she lost her mom and now is facing the loss of her father, who probably has dementia ..... and is dealing with two men (her brother and her hubby) who are doing things the best way they know how.... but all three of them have a big problem.... it is the care of the father....

I think she is at the end of her rope..... I would not want to push her over the edge.

game-on, I posted on her original thread about taking some of your advice, which BTW, I thought was eloquently written.

There were some "not so nice posts", but many of them were people who were trying to help and giving her advice. Then I read how she called many people bullies, etc. and IMO, that just wasn't fair to those who took the time to try to give her some advice/help, particularly when written in a kind, gentle way. One poster, pitadakota, took quite some time to write a nice, lengthy post giving her some ideas and advice.

From what the poster "Survived One" posted, it surely doesn't sound like she's near the end of her rope.

Right. She said that she wanted help, but when people tried to help her, there was always one reason or another as to why that piece of advice couldn't be done.

In other words, she said that she wanted help, but what she really wanted was just tea and sympathy.

Well, tea and sympathy only goes so far. Sooner or later, you are going to have to actually do something.

And when she didn't get her tea and sympathy, she lashed out.

Well, if all she wanted was tea and sympathy, she should have said so from the very beginning, that way, people wouldn't have wasted their time and energy trying to be helpful, only to have her come back and say that their well meaning advice wasn't going to work for whatever reason, and to have her become the bully to those who were only trying to help her.

It cuts both ways.

She can dish it out, but she couldn't take it.

SurvivedOne · ‎11-04-2013

Talking being someone's back?? An anonymous "nic" posted by choice not only in the Health forum but here very personal details about a very personal situation. Asking for advice. This is a shopping channel forum. Not "talking behind someone's back". If someone doesn't want advice, good back or indifferent, don't put anything out there. Then others won't comment. Or take the time, all the energy that others have to try and help someone. By offering constructive, common sense and extremely intelligent information and/or help.