Community Chat

[fourpaws56]

@catwhisperer I need to clarify I guess, I NEVER ask for help of any sort from anyone. I will never burden anyone despite feeling alone and helpless. My thread was about just to be kind to one another, nothing more nothing less My struggle is real and it is my own. I keep my feelings to myself, I would never be a burden to others...

[catwhisperer]

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@fourpaws56 wrote:

@catwhisperer I need to clarify I guess, I NEVER ask for help of any sort from anyone. I will never burden anyone despite feeling alone and helpless. My thread was about just to be kind to one another, nothing more nothing less My struggle is real and it is my own. I keep my feelings to myself, I would never be a burden to others...

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@fourpaws56....I have been knowing you on these boards for many years, and I know you are one very strong lady. You have been through a lot. 

[blackhole99]

@catwhisperer  I live a quiet, relatively stress free life and hate it when that is disrupted. I have an elderly aunt who knows how to push my buttons. I call her usually once a month to see how she's doing, I feel a sense of duty to call, she is my mother's sister and never had any children. Anyway, we cannot get through a phone call without some kind of snide remark from her or a dig of some sort. It upsets me for weeks and I've decided not to call her or communicate with her in any way. So, I get where you are coming from and it's not a bad thing that you are putting yourself first. How quickly would they come to your aid if you needed them, my aunt always gave me short shrift and I can still expect that.

[YorkieonmyPillow]

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@catwhisperer wrote:

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@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:

@catwhisperer  I handle it by ending the "friendship," because IMHO that isn't a friendship - not what you are describing.

You are functioning as their unpaid therapist. They dump it all on you so they don't have to work through it.

The last person who tried that on me is no longer in my life.....it gets boring after a while. My time is as valuable as theirs..........

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Hey girl....thank you so much for your comments. You are so right, but I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, so I just don't respond, hoping they will get the hint. Apparently, they don't.  

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I don't think you have to worry about it - people like this aren't the sensitive type.

You could probably drop a 16-ton anvil on their head and they'd barely feel it....

[catwhisperer]

@blackhole99...thank you for understanding. You are right on. They all know that I am going through a lot and say "I'm sorry", but continue to carry on with their own issues. Sorry, can't deal with it anymore. 

[Daisy Sunflower]

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@catwhisperer wrote:

I have several friends and family members who continually call/email/message me wanting emotional support for all their problems. I have always been there for them and tried to be supportive over the years, but I am at a point where I have so much stress in my life, I have all I can do to get through a day and maintain my sanity. I just don't have the energy emotionally to deal with all their problems on top of my own. (They are all very much aware of what I am dealing with).

Once they get emotional support from me, I don't hear from them for weeks, until another bomb drops in their lives. I have finally gotten to the point where I don't answer their calls anymore and am not not quick to respond to their emails/messages wanting sympathy.

Anyone else dealing with this? If so, how do you handle it?

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@catwhisperer

Don't answer their calls right away -- call them back when it's convenient for you. And cut way back on the amount of time you spend on the phone with them. Be ready with an excuse to get off the phone.

With e-mails, just let them go unanswered for a while. When you do e-mail them back, just say something like, "I haven't been checking my e-mail much because I have so much going on right now, but I hope things get better for you soon. And I hope things get better for me, too."

It gets the point across without sounding harsh.

[meallen616]

@fourpaws56, and everyone,

[Lucky Charm]

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@Daisy Sunflower wrote:

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@catwhisperer wrote:

I have several friends and family members who continually call/email/message me wanting emotional support for all their problems. I have always been there for them and tried to be supportive over the years, but I am at a point where I have so much stress in my life, I have all I can do to get through a day and maintain my sanity. I just don't have the energy emotionally to deal with all their problems on top of my own. (They are all very much aware of what I am dealing with).

Once they get emotional support from me, I don't hear from them for weeks, until another bomb drops in their lives. I have finally gotten to the point where I don't answer their calls anymore and am not not quick to respond to their emails/messages wanting sympathy.

Anyone else dealing with this? If so, how do you handle it?

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@catwhisperer

Don't answer their calls right away -- call them back when it's convenient for you. And cut way back on the amount of time you spend on the phone with them. Be ready with an excuse to get off the phone.

With e-mails, just let them go unanswered for a while. When you do e-mail them back, just say something like, "I haven't been checking my e-mail much because I have so much going on right now, but I hope things get better for you soon. And I hope things get better for me, too."

It gets the point across without sounding harsh.

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This is THE BEST advice.

[ShowMe]

@FourPaws......What a great post you started.

Sweetie, you and I have been posting together for quite a few years now.....   We have been here through thick and thin.  Yes, we have shared much with each other and I cherish these times with you.

Yes, we have both been through a lot, and still are going through it.  One thing I have recently learned is that "silence is golden".  That can be taken many ways.

Want you to know I love you, and hope we have many more times to share.  Take care sweetie.

[Kardi]

Being a person others turn to when they are troubled isn’t always easy, but it might be your gift.  Sometimes you must set limits, but you may be saving someone’s sanity or their life.  I draw the line when a person attacks me personally.  I’ll usually be a sympathetic ear up to that point.