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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,257
Registered: ‎06-15-2016

Re: Our grandmas when we were kids

@QVCkitty1  I'm so sorry for both you and your grandmother! I've had that level of fear before and it is as bad as any acute physical malady, if not worse!  In our grandparents days there were so many real things to fear that many invented things they feared as a means of coping with what they could not control! You are right, today there are many wonderful ways to treat most mental and emotional issues! OCD and phobias run in my family! I'd never have believed it until I met a relative I'd not seen in over 20 years. I watched him do and say the exact same things I had in a similar situation due to our germ thing! It was almost like a set up it was so much like what I did and said! I hope you hold on to the memories you have and think of the good things about her, like her humor! She must have been remarkable to keep her sense of humor while suffering inside so badly! Women in those days had more internal fortitude than we do!

Never underestimate the power of kindness.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,257
Registered: ‎06-15-2016

Re: Our grandmas when we were kids

@LilacTree. I'm sorry for you and you mom! I would believe it and shudder to think about what your mom endured! How wonderful that you've taken the bad in live and used it to make you a great grandmother! Your grand's are surely lucky!

Never underestimate the power of kindness.
Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,257
Registered: ‎06-15-2016

Re: Our grandmas when we were kids

@IamMrsG. There is no higher honor! How wonderful, I know how you must feel!

Never underestimate the power of kindness.
Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,145
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Our grandmas when we were kids

@Imadickens Yes, I agree that our image of grandma has changed, especially with us.  My mother was probably ahead of her time.  She loved Prince.  Bought his movie Purple Rain and loved his music.  She always stayed up on the latest of things.  She dressed in nylon pants (the kind some people now wear)  Ha!  But she was very outspoken and funny as could be.  She was married 6 times to 3 different men!  She had some wonderful stories to tell.  I never lived with her and only got to know her when I was a teenager.  I never held a grudge because my Dad was an alcoholic and I understood at the age of 18 she wanted out of the house.

 

I wear a lot of Denim and co and always dress nice when leaving the house.  Everything always matches.  I haven't worked in 43 years and my married daughters don't work so we spend a lot of time with our children.  My middle daughter just sent me a Halloween card and told me how her daughter was playing with the part of her arm that hangs a little (it's always soft).  She said, "I told her that I used to play with my mom's arms (especially if I felt like I needed some closeness with her) and mommie (she calls me that) would say, "Are you playing with my fat arms?"  She said, "I tell them how wonderful it was having you for a mother.  I only hope mommie they will love me as much as I love being your daughter".  Can you imagine how wonderful that makes me feel?  She sent me text pictures of what she did the other day.  This is the kind of stuff I used to do for her and her cabbage patch doll (which she still has and sits in her and her husband's bedroom).  There were pictures of her oldest child's cabbage patch doll (daughter is soon 10) the doll was sitting in the car buckled up (going to the grocery store), riding on top of the trash can (helping daughter bring trash can to house), things like that.  That's what I used to do.  My daughter would come home and HER doll was sitting next to the overturned trash in her room, or the doll would be looking out the window waiting for her.  It was always important to teach them to use their imagination.  When times are that life stinks, they could always go to their imagination and it would make the problem bearable.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,257
Registered: ‎06-15-2016

Re: Our grandmas when we were kids

@Preds. I had two grandmothers who were similar to yours.  Both began very poor. My maternal grandmother decided that she wouldn't be poor and from a very young age worked to have beautiful things that she loved! She would lock her good clothes up when she went to work but her mother let the other girls break into her things and they destroyed them. She loved her sister and just saved up and bought more until she could move out on her own.

 

My paternal grandmother was always an odious, selfish woman. She hoarded what she could and never shared anything, even love! My father was the only person I think she really cared for, but I didn't know her very well! I wish I had! I have found out things now that explain much! I had known her weather had gone missing when she was about 4years old. What I didn't know, and am not sure if she knew, was that her mother died when she was a baby. Her father abandoned the two girls and within one year had remarried and had another daughter, with whom he lived his whole life! I found heart wrenching letters my grandmother had written looking for her father! No one told her where he was or even if he were still alive! I understand her need to covet things now. She must have had a fear of being left with nothing again!

 

There were many things I learned about all my relatives that explained so many things I never understood! I'm not sure if they knew and chose not to share or they didn't know or had chosen to forget! Either way, I have tried to be open and forthcoming with my family so they may have an insight into why I am who I am. It is certainly no excuse for behavior that is bad or mean, but it does give that behavior reason!

Never underestimate the power of kindness.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,139
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Our grandmas when we were kids

My maternal GM passed away from lung cancer when I was nine.  I only rember Christmas eves in her apartment and her playfully vebally  sparing with my GF.  I remember a story of her getting arrested for dong the Charleston.

 

My paternal GM was mean to my Mom when she & my GF came to live with us when I was in middle school.

 

 

Honored Contributor
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Re: Our grandmas when we were kids

My maternal grandmother was widowed very young, but had a bunch of kids and never remarried. My grandmother wore house dresses and an apron daily, but when she was going to church or out to dine she looked like a million bucks. No, she wasn't the most attractive woman on the block, but she had a presence when she dressed up. Without going into a whole lot of drama, I will say my gram was my refuge  many times ,when growing up was hard for me. My paternal grandmother had her own problems and I'm sorry to say I didn't get to know her at all. I remember my Dad say she came from Poland to marry his father. I remember being in her company a few times when I was very young, she really didn't speak much English. I remember seeing her in church and she wore a black dress with a white lace collar, black stockings with black lace up shoes. I also remember seeing her in a house dress and an apron. I guess that get up was what stay at home women wore to do house work in in the 40's and 50's.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,454
Registered: ‎03-22-2010

Re: Our grandmas when we were kids

I feel sorry for my father's mom; my grandfather was an alcoholic and ended up in a mental institution... they didnt have "rehab" places where we lived.  So my grandma dealt with raising her three children and all of the problems of being the wife of an alcoholic. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,330
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Our grandmas when we were kids

My grandmother worked alongside my grandfather in their business for 50 years.

 

She worked just as hard as he did.  It was a hardware, paint, and wallpaper business.  It wasn't always the cleanest work.

 

I spent the summers with them, and most of the time I remember her in shorts, a button down short sleeve blouse, and clogs.  On cooler summer days she wore long pants.  She never wore jeans.

 

My grandmother worked hard, but she got her hair "done" once a week.  On Sunday mornings, we went to 8am mass.  She was always dressed in a beautiful dress and high heeled shoes.

 

After mass, we stopped at the bakery, picked up donuts and krullers, and went back to the store where my grandfather was.  We'd eat coffee and donuts in between customers.  Then my grandmother would go into the bathroom and come out in her "work clothes."

 

My grandmother was a beautiful, hard working, strong woman, in the days before women like this were celebrated that much.

 

 

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.--Marcus Tullius Cicero
Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,081
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: Our grandmas when we were kids

My Grandma was what we now call a "plus"........and had her clothes custom made.   She was always the vision of perfection (except when she was digging in the garden!)

♥Surface of the Sun♥