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Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,857
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Opinions for bridal shower alternatives

@honeybuns If they like wine how about asking everyone to bring an interesting wine to start a collection.I know a lot of younger people seem to enjoy wine and a lot seem to collect it.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,746
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Opinions for bridal shower alternatives


@occasionalrain wrote:

The purpose of a shower is/was to help set up a home or provide what's needed for a new baby. To me, having a shower for those who can well afford to buy what they need is a gift grab. Wedding showers are especially greedy since those attending will also be expected to buy a wedding gift.

 

I neither wanted nor needed a wedding or baby shower so I didn't have any. 

 

I agree with this. When I got married eons ago...I had nothing so I was glad to have a shower. We didn't live together first. I didn't register for anything as I felt that was like telling others what to get me and I wasn't comfortable with that. Same when I had my first child. I didn't have anything and was glad for my shower. Nowadays, I get invited to showers where the couple already owns a big, beautiful home, have great jobs, furnishings, nice cars and live together. Sometimes I think, "Dang! They live better than I do and have more than me," so why are they having a shower?  I've also been invited to a second baby shower within two years, same person, because the second baby was a boy(first one girl) and person wanted blue things and not pink! Some of the exact same items were on the registry as first pregnancy only in blue. When I had my sons, people only had one shower unless there were several years between births and you no longer had baby things. 

 

I'm not judging anyone. I understand OP wanting to do something for her ds and dil. I just don't know what you're suppose to do nowadays! Things have changed so much that showers, which really were meant to help couples starting out with nothing, don't really seem necessary for some.

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,139
Registered: ‎04-16-2010

Re: Opinions for bridal shower alternatives

@honeybuns  A few questions because I'm not understanding:

 

*ARE they registered somewhere already?

 

*If not, do THEY want to register? If not...why do you feel the need you have to throw them a shower?

 

I guess that's what I'm missing from your post.

 

 

DH and I eloped. Well, we tried to. Word got out and a few family members met us at the courthouse. We owned a home, it was furnished, we didn't need anything and as adults turning 30, we saw no reason to have to go the "traditional" route. His parents pulled together a reception (via pot-luck) and everyone had a super nice time. That was it. People asked us about gifts and we both replied that we didn't need anything so we didn't register. 

 

I have my own opinions about bridal/baby registry and don't care to share them. I WILL say that if two grown adults have a house, cars, furniture, 401K plans, etc , are footing the bill for their own wedding (Which they should IMHO) and don't register for anything then it really is a bit...too much to throw a shower and ask for stuff on their behalf. Again, that's just my opinion. I get that your Mom and you WANT to do this or feel you SHOULD but that doesn't mean you plan it. Again, there may be more info than you've given us so....

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Posts: 8,179
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Opinions for bridal shower alternatives


@occasionalrain wrote:

The purpose of a shower is/was to help set up a home or provide what's needed for a new baby. To me, having a shower for those who can well afford to buy what they need is a gift grab. Wedding showers are especially greedy since those attending will also be expected to buy a wedding gift.

 

I neither wanted nor needed a wedding or baby shower so I didn't have any. 


 

I would also say that with weddings, where the couple has lived together for many years and then have a big wedding. They don't need anything IMO.

 

But wait....I need to make sure my gift equals the amount of what the food would cost at the reception.lol

Honored Contributor
Posts: 15,458
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: Opinions for bridal shower alternatives

You have received many good ideas here. I don't know how many people you are thinking of inviting, but if you decide to go the "personal" shower route, or the wine shower route, or any of the other themed ones, I would scale down the number of guests to just the closest friends and family.  A huge shower for a couple who already have a home and all it entails, is not something I would do.

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,873
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Re: Opinions for bridal shower alternatives


@Sooner wrote:

I wouldn't want a personal shower for myself.  it just isn't something I'd be interested in sharing with the world and I figure 90 percent of the stuff would never be worn or used anyway.

 

 


@Sooner- I feel the same way. 


Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,185
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

Re: Opinions for bridal shower alternatives

The purpose of showers was to help couples out with items since way back no one lived together before marriage and couples are often older and have lived on their own or together for some time and are financially established.  It's tuned into a huge "gimme gimme" by selfish couples.  A few of my friends agreed to showers on the condition of no gifts but money to their favorite charities if any guest feels  they need to give a gift.  They all did this for their weddings also.   Back when some of my younger friends got married out of high school or college and had nothing it was great to throw a shower.  I know I'd be ashamed to ask for specific gifts or any gift if I already had been living on my own and had all I need!  Everyone seems to have the entitled opinion that they need to get gifts when they know darn well they can afford whatever they want!! 

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Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Re: Opinions for bridal shower alternatives

[ Edited ]

@honeybuns: Congratulations on your son's upcoming marriage!

 

Like you, my DS was married last summer. He and his wife worked hard and sacrificed much to purchase a home prior to their marriage. Her parents and the previous homeowners gave them a lot of furniture and many of the traditional items: silverware, china, stemware, etc. In addition, the bride's mother was against the idea of a registry, so they did not have one. There were, of course, still gift items that they could use. Bride's family was from another state, so I asked my DSIL to host a surprise bridal shower at which we could invite our family and the bride's friends from work, who lived in our state. I drew up a short registry list and included it in the invitations, as I know many feel as I do: we enjoy suggestions in a wide variety of price ranges for a gift. Not registered at a particular store or site. Even couples who "have everything" still need and appreciate a wide variety of items for their home and lifestyle! I asked my son to help me with ideas for the registry list- what to include, what to omit. They received lovely gifts which they use and enjoy in their home. I did not include the list in the invitations to the bride's mother and sisters, who were invited guests as I did not want to offend in any way, of course.

The bride and groom had a great day (he went to the pub with the guys who made the trip), she was very surprised and they received lovely gifts that they appreciated, including a gift card or two. Of course, the bridesmaids and her mom hosted another shower at a later date, which was a lot of fun, as well.

Have fun. The more parties and showers, the better! I wanted to be involved in planning a shower as I have no daughters, and I wanted to have that fun and show the bride that she was special to me. The only women who were invited to both showers were the moms and her sisters. We did not impose on any other guests.

Go ahead, plan a shower with someone for the bride, have fun with it, and enjoy doing a good thing, but do NOT make it a gift card shower. Just too tacky, even in today's world where tact and etiquette often seem non- existent. 

 

It's not about how much the bride and groom already have, it's about being there for them at a very special time in their lives and giving a gift from your heart that will bring all of you joy at giving and receiving! Anyone not of that spirit can always respectfully decline the invitation.

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Re: Opinions for bridal shower alternatives

I just went to a bridal shower on Saturday for my sister-in-law's sister. She and her fiance recently purchased their first house and requested a lot of kitchen and home items on their registry. This is the first marriage for both, so a shower was totally appropriate to hold.

 

If you're looking for alternatives to a tradtional shower I wouldn't go the route of a gift card shower. I've heard by etiquette experts and bridal shower veterans that's very tacky, especially if the request is printed on the invitation. If the couple doesn't need or want any gifts, I would just do a simple, casual get together for them, maybe a BBQ or  potluck lunch. Or how about a cocktail party? The couple above I mentioned had one on a Saturday night. Guests did not have to bring any gifts.  I believe it was wine and finger foods that were served. That might be nice too. Or if they're into plants and flowers, how about a "flower shower" where everyone brings something they can plant or put in a garden. 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,862
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Opinions for bridal shower alternatives

If it were me, I'd be having a conversation with the brides family and not impose my value system on anyone.

 


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