Opinion people this way! - Page 8

Linmo · ‎12-16-2013

@Laura14 If you're worried about the time after the cremation until the burial or interment, there is no norm. Based on what you've written, it sounds like you're concerned that your mom drove up for 3 weeks and the services may not happen during that time. Talk to your cousins. They have the final say, but I'm sure that your mom was a big part of his life and they would want her to be there.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@Linmo Exactly. And she's pretty much told them that needs to happen.

@esmerelda I wish that were true but the hold up is inlaw birthday parties for people who never knew my uncle. IMO, that shouldn't even be a consideration. I survived not having a party this year thanks to covid. I think they can celebrate another day too.

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

I'll just say for our family, it's by the third day and that's the funeral day.

For cremation, I think, within 24 hours. Remains, I don't yet.

msgb · ‎08-30-2010

If your uncle was cremated then a memorial can follow when the family feels it is right.

There have been family members who were cremated and it was actually a few months later because then it was easier for other family members to gather.

bikerbabe · ‎03-09-2010

I wonder if the delay is really about birthdays or if that’s an excuse to avoid the dealing with the funeral? Just because someone says that’s the reason doesn’t mean it is. Just a thought.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@bikerbabe It's the reason.

One of my cousins has a second wife who is incensed at how "selfish" we all are that we are not considering her birthday or her 18 year old son's birthday which are the next two Saturdays. The kid is from a previous marriage of hers not a family member and has never met his step grandfather.

Anyway, the tea is they fought for 11 hours driving back home and she may not come at all to her own husband's father's funeral. My cousin's sister apparently made a command decision and her father's funeral is set to take place on 7/18 which is the wife's birthday.

The sad fact is that her husband was planning on throwing her a surprise birthday party after the memorial service to kind of lighten the mood. Don't think he is in the mood to do that for her now or even if she will be in attendance at all.

I get life stinks right now for everyone and my uncle's death is inconvenient timing for her but if you absolutely won't allow your son who no one in this family knows to be unattended by his mom for his 18th birthday then you take the hit. No mature 18 year old wants mommy at their bash.

A sister and his children need to grieve a brother and father respectively in a reasonable amount of time.

Junebug54 · ‎03-09-2010

Ok I'll be the naysayer. My opinion is you should MYOB. I think you said a few posts ago that you wouldn't be invited to the funeral but you were going anyway. Sounds like one side of the family doesn't get along with the other. Take a step away, honor your uncle your way and bow out.

Laura14 · ‎06-09-2014

@Junebug54 You are absolutely right and I have.

I washed my hands of my cousins a long time ago. Honestly it's a bit karmic that one of them married someone as selfish as they can be at times.

And I say uninvited because I am not included in the conversations back and forth (they assume someone will let me know and I am sure expect to see me there) but I am going with my mom to honor her brother.

If I didn't have my mom in the middle of this, to be honest I would have taken a step back into church and done my own thing my way for my uncle.

Sage advice!

FiddleDeeDee · ‎03-06-2020

@Laura14 My mother died this past March and I, attempting to do the right thing by her, asked a similar question about the funeral and service. In the end, I buried her by myself because that's all that was allowed in June. I drove her urn (in my trunk) to the cemetery and the caretaker came to my car, I popped the trunk, he took the urn and I waved good-bye. No service, couldn't go to the grave, nothing. No clue when there will be any type of a service.

Having family travel from all over and then only be able to have 2 people at the curb was simply not realistic or fair to anyone. Each place has it's own rules so maybe the Church would allow 50 people but the cemetery would not...or the other way around. Where she was being stored needed to the space for new dearly departed. It was simply what had to be done.

I believe you have to do what is best for those who are responsible for the burial. There is no correct time now. I have Jewish friends who have discovered that even their traditions regarding death and burial are having to be altered. Then you have the back-log of others so you may have no choice BUT to wait until your turn arrives. It's a Brave New World regarding funerals, that's for sure. Hugs to you and your mom on your loss.

"Coming to ya from Florida"

Lali1 · ‎08-21-2014

When my mom passed we had a memorial within a few days. Then months later or a month or so I don't remember we spread her ashes at my uncles beach house. Same with another family memeber a memorial right away then the family kept the ashes. That was my husbands side of the family. I'm from the spread the ashes not keep them camp.
ETA: I'm sorry for your loss.