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Respected Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Opinion people this way!


@Laura14 wrote:

@Sushismom  My exact words!  I begged her to give me the phone so I could tell my cousins "You are NOT invited!"


Too bad your mom didn't listen to you! But, again, she allows herself to be taken advantage of. Nothing you can do about that.

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Re: Opinion people this way!

@Sushismom   I know.  I am trying not to make her world any more painful which is why I stuck it out and cleaned up for her and then removed myself. 

 

I was beyond angry it was not funny.  I told her they were NOT invited for Christmas (I am making that call too) as it was an immediate family only kind of year.  

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Re: Opinion people this way!

I don't have time to read all the responses.  Sorry for the loss of your uncle.  I personally think any service should be within a week to 10 days.  Somehow I think you need that service and family get together (if allowed) to really start the grieving process and move forward.  But everyone is different.

 

If birthday parties are what is delaying the service, well, that seems kind of selfish to me on their part as I would think a funeral would take precedence.

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Re: Opinion people this way!

[ Edited ]

@Laura14 wrote:

@Drythe  We have no such restrictions here.  The delay is simply for inlaw birthday date conflicts. 

 

I think my mother has made it quite clear to her niece and nephew that she would like to say goodbye to her brother sooner rather than later.  She's here for three weeks and I think it's not fair to make her either extend her stay or force her to make another trip.

 

 

 

To vent a bit, these same two cousins demanded that after a 6 hour drive into town the day after her brother passed that she immediately spend money and prepare a large meal for them and their families when they invited themselves over to the house. 

 

They brought along a large dog they know she has allergies to, an inlaw's father with yes, THAT hat, and a kid.  Now I could care less what your beliefs are be it BLM or MAGA but a grieving stranger has invited you into her home during one of the worst times of her life.  She has spent money and cooked for you after a long drive.  Leave the freaking emotionally charged issues in the car!  It's rude.  And a man of his age should have been raised better.  He's way before manners went away.

 

To  me, there is a wife and a husband of both cousins who should have said to my mom, let's make the meal.  You've just lost your brother.  You're on the road anyway.  Stop by for a hug and a nice dinner.

 

And now she is in limbo about when she can formally say goodbye to her brother, the last of her immediate family save for her kids.  I get it's their call but you would think they would consider her over an inlaw adult child's birthday.  

 

I was so mad Sunday night I washed the dishes for her and cleaned up the kitchen and then locked myself in the basement.  I am so happy to be done with my cousins on this side for the forseeable future, maybe that's why I want it done and over with too.      

 

I am so tired of my mom being taken advantage of and not getting some respect here, especially from them.  She went above and beyond for her brother and his care and saved them a lot of money even when one is making six figures while she is fixed income.  

 

Anyway, thanks all for answering.  I appreciate the responses and big hugs to those who have also lost.  Heart  

 

  


@Laura14 

 

oooooo..k...

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras
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Re: Opinion people this way!

Thanks @Puppy Lips .  I feel the same way but apparently the world has moved on.

 

I know I am in a snarky place right now with all of this but I think there is something very wrong with humanity when we can't even be "inconvienced" to bury our loved ones. 

 

Those priorities seem really out of line to me.    

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Re: Opinion people this way!

[ Edited ]

@Laura14 


@Laura14 wrote:

@Cakers3   I think so.  He passed Saturday morning overnight and they did go for a visit to the nursing home I believe before he was taken away. 

 

They did their arrangements the next day and I would assume he is either already in the process or it is done.  

 

My cousin said they could pick any day and they picked 7/18 which we thought was a long time and honestly thought it was because one of the grandsons is in the military and needed some time to get leave.

 

Nope.  Turns out an in law's adult child has a birthday this Saturday and then another inlaw has her 50th the next. 

 

I just feel for my mom who would like to go and honor her brother while she is in town. To us, it just seems the proper thing to do.  As far as I know it's just a memorial and not a mass or formal service.  They didn't do one for their mom either.     

 

ETA:  And yes.  I would absolutely go to my uncle/godfather's funeral.  I've not been invited yet to this one either but I will be there regardless.  


Do you have any concerns being in a group with strangers at the funeral service,  or the party?  There could be potentially Asymptomatic COVID spreaders.  You or mom have no issues with age or comorbidity?   Are you willing to take the risk of getting infected with Covid?   Or your mom getting infected with Covid?   You can't be too careful.   Will all the people be wearing masks, and observe social distancing?  Will you and your mom?   If you and your mom decide to go, please stay safe. Wear masks, and if you can, observe social distancing.    Covid is deadly.   And be very careful.  Good luck.

 

 

~Put food in front of me, and I will eat it.~

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Re: Opinion people this way!


@Laura14 wrote:

Thanks @Puppy Lips .  I feel the same way but apparently the world has moved on.

 

I know I am in a snarky place right now with all of this but I think there is something very wrong with humanity when we can't even be "inconvienced" to bury our loved ones. 

 

Those priorities seem really out of line to me.    


 

 

 

 

@Laura14 

 

 

 

 

You keep saying "bury", but you also said that your uncle is being cremated.

 

 

I am confused as to which it is.

 

 

 

 

 

If it is a body, then I can understand burying the body soon.

 

 

 

But if your uncle is creamated, then there is no rush as to when the ashes can/will be disposed of.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.
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Re: Opinion people this way!

@Anonymous032819  This is only a memorial service we are talking about.  The ashes or "burial" will be done later when I guess his kids go to the islands.  

 

I came home and asked what the latest was.  My mom apparently lost her nice gal and told the cousins she wants her brother memorialized I guess is the correct term I should use now not later.  She's not dragging the emotion out again in a month and you have people trying to plan when to come and pay respects too.  

 

This is all about an in-laws' birthday parties for an 18 year old kid who never met him and the 50 year old wife of the man who just lost his father. I turned 50 this year in April.  Guess what?  I didn't get a party not because someone actually died but because we didn't want anyone to die from Covid.  Grow up already and take another day.  

 

I told her about @Cakers3 idea and she loved it but I think she is 69 years old and really wants an all family together goodbye for her big brother.  I think she's in her rights to demand that over a strange kid and a second wife.

 

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Re: Opinion people this way!

[ Edited ]

@Laura14 wrote:

So I lost my uncle to Parkinson's on Saturday.  Honestly a blessing if you have ever seen someone deal with a neurological illness.  It's beyond inhumane.  Almost seems selfish to be so sad to not have them here and in that condition.  Smiley Sad

 

BUT, moving on to your opinion please.  I am used to memorials being within the week.  My cousins are now at a month out and counting because of in law birthdays on the next two Saturdays. They seem in no hurry to bury their father and we have no restrictions currently in GA about services. 

 

My mother drove up for three weeks.  She expects her brother's funeral to be within that time.  

 

This is the same branch of the family that buried their mother in a coffee canister by request a couple years ago.  Some may remember THAT thread.  

 

What is a normal time frame to have a funeral now?  He is being cremated so no actual burial here obviously.  Have times change this much or do we not bury our dead within some sort of "reasonable" time frame anymore?

 

 

 

 


@Laura14 

 

My condolences on your uncle's passing.....

 

There are restrictions here regarding funeral services: There are limitations on the number of people that are allowed to attend, and social distancing is enforced at the services and burial site....

 

My friend's dad just passed away in mid-June and his memorial service and burial at the cemetary took place a week after his passing..... (some of his children do live out of state)....His death was not due to the Corona virus.

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Re: Opinion people this way!


@Laura14 wrote:

@Sushismom  My exact words!  I begged her to give me the phone so I could tell my cousins "You are NOT invited!"


My father requested only a memorial sevice open to anyone that cared to attend.  No invitations were proferred.