Older Men Pursuing Much Younger Women - Page 2

Black Cat Back · ‎03-21-2010

On 1/29/2015 Jezzebell said:
OP I remember your threads in the Among Friends board about troubles setting boundaries with your neighbor.........do you maybe have a problem saying no to people in a way they know you mean business? Maybe you're too nice to everybody and then they take advantage? This guy sounds creepy, I'm sorta scared for you.

Maybe so to some extent, but there is a difference between setting boundaries and just being nice. I think someone with any brains would have got the message when I told him I was busy and stopped acknowledging him. Maybe today, he got the message that I am not so nice and polite anymore.

I think it's a shame in our society that being nice only gets you in trouble. And yet, if you're standoffish or cold, you're considered a bit@h.

jessa · ‎04-19-2013

On 1/29/2015 DARING GREATLY said:
On 1/29/2015 Jezzebell said:
OP I remember your threads in the Among Friends board about troubles setting boundaries with your neighbor.........do you maybe have a problem saying no to people in a way they know you mean business? Maybe you're too nice to everybody and then they take advantage? This guy sounds creepy, I'm sorta scared for you.

Maybe so to some extent, but there is a difference between setting boundaries and just being nice. I think someone with any brains would have got the message when I told him I was busy and stopped acknowledging him. Maybe today, he got the message that I am not so nice and polite anymore.

I think it's a shame in our society that being nice only gets you in trouble. And yet, if you're standoffish or cold, you're considered a bit@h.

ITA it's a shame........some people think if you're nice it means you're weak too. Can't win sometimes.

Chalcedony · ‎05-12-2010

Why not just say ""Thank you. I'm flattered but not interested."" Calling the police is a serious overreaction.

Black Cat Back · ‎03-21-2010

On 1/29/2015 Chalcedony said: Why not just say "Thank you. I'm flattered but not interested." Calling the police is a serious overreaction.

I would only call police if he doesn't leave me alone and it gets worse.

I wasn't appreciative nor flattered by his desire to date me. When someone pulls up alongside you on the opposite sidewalk and takes you completely off guard, my goal wasn't to make pleasantries with him, but to get the heck away from him!

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

Why don't you just stop walking down his street?

You showing up in his neighborhood only encourages him ... so, just stop. ${#emotions_dlg.thumbdown}$

Black Cat Back · ‎03-21-2010

On 1/29/2015 Tinkrbl44 said:
Why don't you just stop walking down his street?

You showing up in his neighborhood only encourages him ... so, just stop. ${#emotions_dlg.thumbdown}$

Today I wasn't walking "down his street," I was about 2 miles from his home. He was driving down the street I was on.

And frankly, I am not "encouraging" anyone by walking down his street and ignoring him. I have a right to walk anywhere I choose and not be accosted!

I've been walking in that neighborhood for over 25 years, long before he lived there!

Jannabelle · ‎03-09-2010

On 1/29/2015 DARING GREATLY said:
On 1/29/2015 Tinkrbl44 said:
Why don't you just stop walking down his street?

You showing up in his neighborhood only encourages him ... so, just stop. ${#emotions_dlg.thumbdown}$

Today I wasn't walking "down his street," I was about 2 miles from his home. He was driving down the street I was on.

And frankly, I am not "encouraging" anyone by walking down his street and ignoring him. I have a right to walk anywhere I choose and not be accosted!

I've been walking in that neighborhood for over 25 years, long before he lived there!

Hi Daring,,I agree you should be able,to,walk where you like....do,you mind saying your age?......also, next time,nip,it in the bud, the first time he (or anyone else)does something inappropriate do let him know it is in acceptable,.in plain English, try not to be too concerned about being nice, but let him know that behavior is not acceptable,and you are not interested in anything other than a friendly wave/neighborly thing.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

On 1/29/2015 sunshine45 said:
you probably should have told him you are in a relationship.....maybe that would have given him the message.

That's what I did when an older man was clearly interested in me at the beach last summer. I saw him there a few times, knew I was going to run into him again & again, and so I realized that I had to set a boundary as soon as possible

The next time he hinted about getting together, I nicely told him that I was in a relationship. And that did the trick. We still spoke several times after that, but my discomfort was greatly decreased.

I don't really see this as an older man/younger woman thing. I see the OP's situation (and mine) more as a woman being pursued by someone she's not interested in. I don't think the ages matter much. Some younger women like older men and some older men like younger women. I don't have a problem with that. My father is married to a woman much younger than he is, and they have had a wonderful, loving marriage for decades.

It's not just older men who "don't get it". Some men do, some men don't. And IMO age isn't really much of a factor. Lots of young guys are overly eager too!

Marienkaefer2 · ‎03-09-2010

On 1/29/2015 DARING GREATLY said:
On 1/29/2015 Jezzebell said:
OP I remember your threads in the Among Friends board about troubles setting boundaries with your neighbor.........do you maybe have a problem saying no to people in a way they know you mean business? Maybe you're too nice to everybody and then they take advantage? This guy sounds creepy, I'm sorta scared for you.

Maybe so to some extent, but there is a difference between setting boundaries and just being nice. I think someone with any brains would have got the message when I told him I was busy and stopped acknowledging him. Maybe today, he got the message that I am not so nice and polite anymore.

I think it's a shame in our society that being nice only gets you in trouble. And yet, if you're standoffish or cold, you're considered a bit@h.
Who cares what a stranger thinks about you? Listen, the same thing happened to me a year ago. I met up with a nice older gentleman on the trail I walk. He could be my grandfather. He was walking with a cane, going rather slow. We both stopped because there was a heron on the trail, and we were watching it. Well, we chatted, and he was pleasant enough, but then he asked me to dinner! I thanked him for the offer, but I'm married. So, you need to do the same, even if you're not married. I agree with other posters. Wear a ring on the left hand, carry pepper spray, and don't be overly nice (unless it's someone you'd WANT to go out with!

If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.--Marcus Tullius Cicero

Black Cat Back · ‎03-21-2010

On 1/29/2015 Jannabelle said:
On 1/29/2015 DARING GREATLY said:
On 1/29/2015 Tinkrbl44 said:
Why don't you just stop walking down his street?

You showing up in his neighborhood only encourages him ... so, just stop. ${#emotions_dlg.thumbdown}$

Today I wasn't walking "down his street," I was about 2 miles from his home. He was driving down the street I was on.

And frankly, I am not "encouraging" anyone by walking down his street and ignoring him. I have a right to walk anywhere I choose and not be accosted!

I've been walking in that neighborhood for over 25 years, long before he lived there!

Hi Daring,,I agree you should be able,to,walk where you like....do,you mind saying your age?......also, next time,nip,it in the bud, the first time he (or anyone else)does something inappropriate do let him know it is in acceptable,.in plain English, try not to be too concerned about being nice, but let him know that behavior is not acceptable,and you are not interested in anything other than a friendly wave/neighborly thing.