Old-school discipline vs. abuse - Page 2

september · ‎03-09-2010

I couldn't even read throughtthe whole opening thread. It's abuse.....how awful for those children.

Marp · ‎03-09-2010

Based on what you have related in your post not only are the children being abused and quite likely in danger of serious bodily injury you too are in danger of serious bodily injury. The danger is just as likely to come at the hands of either child, but particularly the boy, as at the hands of the mother.

I don't know how you can keep from trying to stop the mother when she is going off on the children but by stepping in and trying to stop her she could well turn on you.

This situation has to be reported to the authorities for the well being of all involved. The children already clearly are in need of help. The girl before she hurts herself more or worse and the boy before he loses control and hurts (or worse) any or all of the household.

If I were you I would contact a social agency and see what help there is so you can leave the household as quickly as possible for your own safety. With a volatile situation like you are in even though you cannot legally just be put out if told to leave would you feel safe staying there until due process was complete? You need to protect yourself first and do what you can to get protection for the children.

Good luck, you have some very difficult decisions to make.

What is good for the goose today will also be good for the gander tomorrow.

JavaQueen · ‎03-09-2010

This is horrible. I do feel for the kids and I try to help them as much as I can. I spend incredible amounts of time working.

I had been told by people "not to get involved." My own upbring was tough, so maybe it didn't strike me as strange. Also, there are periods of time where I am away.

I travel back and forth.

Here's the thing: it seems like it has escalated. Because it didnt' happen enough where you would notice. I told her not to beat him for things he can't help and that he would benefit from counseling. He had developed some symptoms. They dragged him to the doctor and they couldn't find anyhting physically wrong with the child.

The woman has two families: her "normal" one she had with her ex-husband and this one: the product of an union with a man she never married. They are separated by geography, age and social status. The children from the first family seem normal with houses, families, etc. You never see them around.

She works a part-time job and collects benefits. . All these things came out in the open after I was in here.

MyGirlsMom · ‎03-09-2010

Someone has to step up to the plate and think about the children's health and well being. If in your word, the abuse is escalating, contact the family members who NEED to hear about this. The Authorities HAVE TO be contacted, this is not a "what if", "but", I don't know" situation.

Report Child Abuse & Neglect

If a child is in immediate danger, call 911.

If you suspect child abuse or neglect:

Call the NY State Central Register (SCR)
Child Abuse & Maltreatment Hotline 24/7

General Public: 1(800) 342-3720
Mandated Reporters: 1(800) 635-1522
Deaf/Hard of Hearing: 1(800) 638-5163
You can also call 311 in NYC.

Keep Your Face To The Sunshine and You Will Not See The Shadow

JavaQueen · ‎03-09-2010

The kids do talk to me.

I hate to say this, but the mother isn't quite "there." You explain things and it's like talking to a wall. She's not that bright. She's also. very erratic. She spent money on a Christmas tree and there wasn't food in the house. The kids are like "Oh well. You know how she is"

She told me on Thanksgiving she didn't care if I called the police. "Let them take me. I know what I am doing." This is not a normal person.

I don't know if people understand this: I am here not because I have a big savings account. I also help with expenses. Some of which are for the kids. I told them I was there for them.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@JavaQueen wrote:
This is horrible. I do feel for the kids and I try to help them as much as I can. I spend incredible amounts of time working.
I had been told by people "not to get involved." My own upbring was tough, so maybe it didn't strike me as strange. Also, there are periods of time where I am away.
I travel back and forth.

Here's the thing: it seems like it has escalated. Because it didnt' happen enough where you would notice. I told her not to beat him for things he can't help and that he would benefit from counseling. He had developed some symptoms. They dragged him to the doctor and they couldn't find anyhting physically wrong with the child.

The woman has two families: her "normal" one she had with her ex-husband and this one: the product of an union with a man she never married. They are separated by geography, age and social status. The children from the first family seem normal with houses, families, etc. You never see them around.
She works a part-time job and collects benefits. . All these things came out in the open after I was in here.

By not getting involved you are contributing to the abuse by allowing it to go on.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

There must be neighbors .... and they must have heard the screaming.

Has anyone said anything to you? If the police or CPS got involved, it could be blamed on one of the neighbors, right?

brii · ‎06-20-2010

@JavaQueen, you are indirectly responsbile if you do not contact the authorities.

panda1234 · ‎04-27-2015

@JavaQueen wrote:
The kids do talk to me.

I hate to say this, but the mother isn't quite "there." You explain things and it's like talking to a wall. She's not that bright. She's also. very erratic. She spent money on a Christmas tree and there wasn't food in the house. The kids are like "Oh well. You know how she is"

She told me on Thanksgiving she didn't care if I called the police. "Let them take me. I know what I am doing." This is not a normal person.

I don't know if people understand this: I am here not because I have a big savings account. I also help with expenses. Some of which are for the kids. I told them I was there for them.

No food in the house??? Neglect is a form of abuse. Please act on this.

JavaQueen · ‎03-09-2010

Thank you all for reading and pointing me in the right direction.

Unless you have ever been in it, it is very difficult to deal with and to know how to respond to it.

This is probablly why abused women often don't act when they are beaten by a partner.

About the 30 days to get out:

I might have 30 days to get out, but this is NYC. Finding and securing a place is a lot harder than some of you might realize. If it were, I wouldn't have been here this long. There's a lot of other ocmplicated issues, but at least I have more of an idea of how to proceed.