Community Chat

[occasionalrain]

On 1/5/2015 happy housewife said:

If this family are all physically and mentally capable of holding down a job then , I agree that they are walking the path they have chosen for themselves. If he has access to the internet to post this story he can't be totally destitute.

Libraries have computers available to everyone.

[Snowpuppy]

If you've known him since college then he has an education? And can't hold a job?

That is not snark, that is a kind question that says something is wrong. And many spouses live in denial of their marriage. They still want to believe that he'll go back to being the bread winner one day. So she'll just continue to work pt until he does.

And their grown children have no jobs either? If so then there's a dynamic at work you're not aware of.

[goodstuff]

My hairdresser was telling me yesterday about her SIL and his wife who are currently living (free) with her and her husband. The SIL recently got out of jail (drug problems). Both are working, but they say they can't make it with their two kids. They don't help with housecleaning, let their kids trash the house, sleep in on weekends while the grandparents mind their kids, don't seem to have any plan for finding extra jobs or sources of income, and have given no date for moving to their own place. Meanwhile, my hairdresser found that the wife has been shopping for fun clothes, having mani-pedis, and spending for other non-essentials.

DH's homeless brother called today. He has found a place in men's shelter number 17 and substance abuse program number 27 (or whatever number it is; he's been in all of them). The accommodations aren't luxurious, but "free" is always good.

When you accommodate dependency, it blossoms.

[CouponQueen]

Sigh...I have mixed feelings..as I work in Mental Health (over 27+years) and unless you walked that road..it is not a easy one..very often they self medicate..(who came first..the chicken or the egg..doesn't really matter..)

Substance Abuse is a very sad disease in itself..addiction is addiction..be it nicotine, alcohol or drugs!

With resources being scarce..budgets depleted..nobody wants tax increases..but nobody wants them on the streets..it is a Catch 22..

For the grace of god go I...is all I can think sometimes..

[missy1]

On 1/6/2015 occasional rain said:

On 1/5/2015 happy housewife said:

If this family are all physically and mentally capable of holding down a job then , I agree that they are walking the path they have chosen for themselves. If he has access to the internet to post this story he can't be totally destitute.

Libraries have computers available to everyone.

Also, many places have free wifi.

[Financialgrl]

Four years is a long time to get their act together and then had fair warning of sale of home and they either didn't believe it or chose not to do something about it. Even if PT jobs are all that is available, take on two. You do whatever to survive.

Sometimes you can't save people from themselves.

[RetRN]

Many people are looking for handouts and hoping to find someone to enable them. I would not get involved.

[pinkwblingplz]

I agree. An old high school friend found me on Facebook and soon after she & her husband invited my husband and me to lunch. We didn't ask for separate tickets, we all just said we'd figure it up when the check came but we would have paid. It wasn't an expensive place.

We don't drink but they ordered beers. We didn't think much of it but they kept them coming. It never occurred to us that others would drink like that so early in the day.

The bill came and it was over $200. Obviously instead of paying the bill we took the receipt, did the math for ours (incl tip) handed over the cash and left. And they got mad.

Soon after that she posted online that she needed a place to stay. I didn't know what was going on in her life and she had been a good friend in high school but the whole thing just sounded like a hot mess to stay away from.

On 1/9/2015 RetRN said:

Many people are looking for handouts and hoping to find someone to enable them. I would not get involved.

[Financialgrl]

Karenintx: I have relatives who all work(ed) minimum wage jobs all their lives and still do. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, but the thing that always amazed me - they may not have food in the house or be late with rent but they NEVER were without their cigarettes, booze and weed. NEVER.

[jeanlake]

On 1/10/2015 Financialgrl said:

Karenintx: I have relatives who all work(ed) minimum wage jobs all their lives and still do. Absolutely nothing wrong with that, but the thing that always amazed me - they may not have food in the house or be late with rent but they NEVER were without their cigarettes, booze and weed. NEVER.

Financialgrl, are we related? My cousins and their parents live one state south of you. Growing up, I noticed how some of my parent's siblings were skilled at providing for family and future while others barely worked and were not prepared. Siblings helped them out to a point, but were also able to say 'no' it isn't possible to help you at this time. Sadly, an aunt I really liked helped herself to my mom's jewelry box when she came to town for my mom's funeral. I was a child at the time, but the differences between the branches in the family tree was apparent.

I imagine the grandmother in the OPs story was quite familiar with her own family. No doubt grandmother gave more than her fair share and was ready to move on and be comfortable. Good for grandma.