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[goodstuff]

Anybody else out there dealing with elderly family members who insist on being more "independent" than they safely can be?

We try to help look after DH's 93 year old mother, who is living in a small assisted living home. She has severe arthritis and walks with a cane, sometimes a walker. Needs help getting in and out of cars, etc. Her hearing is extremely poor (she refuses to get a hearing aid), and memory isn't what it once was -- although she is not senile and is in remarkably good mental shape for her age. DH pays her bills and handles her money; the home helps with medication management. Problem is, she feels she should be able to call a taxi on her own and go out alone whenever she feels like it -- to a doctor's appointment, to visit her son in a nearby nursing home, whatever. DH and I do our best to help her with transportation when she needs it, but she has gotten restless with "depending on others" and wants to come and go on her own, handle her own medical appointments, etc. She really is not "incompetent", so we can't rule her life, but we don't think it is at all wise for her to be out and about on her own. She is stubbornly resistant. The assisted living home director is beside herself over this -- very concerned about MIL going out unattended.

Part of me thinks we should respect her right to do her own thing and "if she dies, she dies". So tired of the arguments and drama. Part of me feels an obligation to protect her. Honestly, she is the most stubborn, hard-headed, and difficult old lady I have ever known. She wants to "die with her boots on", as she puts it, and doesn't want others calling all the shots for her. Any thoughts or ideas?