Oh for Pete's Sake It's Too Late Now!! - Page 6

minkbunny · ‎03-09-2010

@CrazyKittyLvr2 The last line of your original post stated that after telling all of us you now feel better about venting.

Perhaps after your sister vents to you she feels better as well.

libbyannE · ‎10-27-2010

@CrazyKittyLvr2

She only just retired in March. Might be nice for you to be a tad understanding, esp since she has medical issues that may make activity difficult for her. At the same time, I understand why you feel frustrated and need to vent, especially if you are going ‘round and ‘round, having the same conversation with her again and again. No easy answers, but she will have to find her own path.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

I was born to be retired; left my job to be a caregiver for my husband and mother 6 years ago, and have never looked back.

Health issues forced my husband and one of my brothers into retirement, and they really struggled with change to their longstanding daily routine. My brothers wife also retired, and it took nearly a year for her to adjust to being home. All 3 of them are very social; they need to be out and about, and feel connected.

I understood their issues, but am the complete opposite. I am not social; don’t want to see or hear people. Don’t need or want to know what’s going on back at work, and don’t want to be entertained by others. I have always entertained myself very well, and enjoy my own company a lot more than I enjoy being with others. I have yet to feel bored and don’t think I ever will.

My caretaker responsibilities have increased, but I earned my retirement, and am going to enjoy it my way.

september · ‎03-09-2010

@minkbunny wrote:
@CrazyKittyLvr2 The last line of your original post stated that after telling all of us you now feel better about venting.

Perhaps after your sister vents to you she feels better as well.

Bingo! Sometimes our friends and loved ones aren’t expecting us to give them solutions when they share with us...they are just looking for someone to listen.

Drythe · ‎07-09-2011

@50Mickey wrote:
@cherry Thanks for stating this. I did increase my font after a poster suggested that we do so. Maybe I made it too large? So I'll try again with this size.

@50Mickey

I'm trying to up my font size too.

It IS hard to know when you've got it right, isn't it?

"Animals are not my whole world, but they have made my world whole" ~ Roger Caras

fortune · ‎03-14-2010

@Sooner wrote:
I wish people would stop harping at retired people about needing to "DO" something!

I "did something" all day every day and sometimes nights and weekends for 40 years. I don't need anything to do now thank you very much I am happy as a clam!

I am now able to sleep late if I want, not get really dressed up and fly out the door into the traffic. I can watch tv, read my e-mail and get my day started when I like. I can decide when and if I want to eat lunch and what and where I want to eat!

I can read a magazine or a book. Go to the mailbox, open a package, watch the birds, sit in the hot tub, ignore the phone and the e-mail, go for a walk or take a shower at 11a.m.

I can pick up the dry cleaning in the day and go to the grocery store or post office when they are not busy (all the old people and the working people hit the post office from 12 to 1--I never understood why all the old people but me HAVE to go at lunchtime then complain about the line!).

I'm having a great time, and don't tell me I need a hobby or need something to do. If anyone is bored it's their own fault!

@Sooner

They say, "When you want something done right, ask a busy person!" Maybe you can help entertain Retired Legal Secretary's sister!"

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

@fortune wrote:
@Sooner wrote:
I wish people would stop harping at retired people about needing to "DO" something!

I "did something" all day every day and sometimes nights and weekends for 40 years. I don't need anything to do now thank you very much I am happy as a clam!

I am now able to sleep late if I want, not get really dressed up and fly out the door into the traffic. I can watch tv, read my e-mail and get my day started when I like. I can decide when and if I want to eat lunch and what and where I want to eat!

I can read a magazine or a book. Go to the mailbox, open a package, watch the birds, sit in the hot tub, ignore the phone and the e-mail, go for a walk or take a shower at 11a.m.

I can pick up the dry cleaning in the day and go to the grocery store or post office when they are not busy (all the old people and the working people hit the post office from 12 to 1--I never understood why all the old people but me HAVE to go at lunchtime then complain about the line!).

I'm having a great time, and don't tell me I need a hobby or need something to do. If anyone is bored it's their own fault!
@Sooner
They say, "When you want something done right, ask a busy person!" Maybe you can help entertain Retired Legal Secretary's sister!"

@fortune I am very good at things like that. I'd be happy to see her and say "Here. This is a great book. Go read it!"

ILTH · ‎05-18-2015

@Sooner wrote:
I wish people would stop harping at retired people about needing to "DO" something!

I "did something" all day every day and sometimes nights and weekends for 40 years. I don't need anything to do now thank you very much I am happy as a clam!

I am now able to sleep late if I want, not get really dressed up and fly out the door into the traffic. I can watch tv, read my e-mail and get my day started when I like. I can decide when and if I want to eat lunch and what and where I want to eat!

I can read a magazine or a book. Go to the mailbox, open a package, watch the birds, sit in the hot tub, ignore the phone and the e-mail, go for a walk or take a shower at 11a.m.

I can pick up the dry cleaning in the day and go to the grocery store or post office when they are not busy (all the old people and the working people hit the post office from 12 to 1--I never understood why all the old people but me HAVE to go at lunchtime then complain about the line!).

I'm having a great time, and don't tell me I need a hobby or need something to do. If anyone is bored it's their own fault!

I must have missed something. I didn't see where anyone is telling you you have to do something. I thought this was about OPs sister being at a loss about knowing what to do.

Also, not everyone is the same as you. Some people need structure in their days. Some people prefer active, rather than passive (reading, for example), activities. Some people need goal-oriented endeavors. Some people need a larger purpose. Some people need more than a hobby.

We're all different.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@CalminHeart wrote:
Some people don't adjust to retirement as easily and quickly as others. In addition, she has some serious health issues. Maybe she is just now realizing the limitations she has because of her health. That alone can be scary.

Stop suggesting ideas that require her to be on her feet. She obviously can't do those kind of things. Perhaps she can find a local senior center. They offer a lot of social activities and meals.

Give your sister a break. Let her confide in you. Just listen. You don't have to solve her problem or take it on as your own. Just be there for her.

I agree with all of this.

Lots of people settle into retirement easily, are never bored, and love it right away. For others it's more difficult and takes some time. A lot of people don't realize how much they'll miss the social aspect of working. Or having a set schedule. It seems appealing to be able to call your own shots, do whatever you want to do, but some people need more structure and feel lost without it.

It also can be emotionally difficult because - in the minds of some - they are now officially "old". (And that can be even more profound for people who have health issues.)

I don't think anyone can fix the situation for anyone else. My best advice is to lend a sympathetic ear and try to be understanding. Let her vent because this is a lot of change in the life of someone who has worked for a long time. What she needs now is someone to listen. The last thing she needs is to feel judged. She's struggling, and she needs a sympathetic ear and support. She'll find her own way, but she needs time to adjust. Her reaction to retirement is not at all unusual - It's exactly the same for many, many retirees.

NYC Susan · ‎03-13-2010

@minkbunny wrote:
@CrazyKittyLvr2 The last line of your original post stated that after telling all of us you now feel better about venting.

Perhaps after your sister vents to you she feels better as well.

I know that when I'm in impossible situations, I far prefer venting to someone who will lend a sympathetic ear rather than try to "fix" things. A few gentle suggestions are fine, but if they're not well-received, then that's not what's needed right then - and in fact can make things worse because it increases frustration.

It's not always solutions that we want - Sometimes it's just understanding, friendship, and caring, someone to complain to, a shoulder to lean on. And time to work through to the next stage.