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[ID2]

OP, all of this would have been avoided if you (and your sister) would have taken your wedding dresses out of your mothers house years ago.

[Irshgrl31201]

On 2/17/2015 ID2 said:

OP, all of this would have been avoided if you (and your sister) would have taken your wedding dresses out of your mothers house years ago.

What does that have to do with anything? In a typical family this isn't an issue at all and certainly not one for anyone to get mad over and call your daughter a name.

[rhinovodka]

I am sorry your mother called you such an awful name.

When I was growing up, my mother called me some names (she was very emotionally/verbally abusive). I have since cut her out of my life. I really did not want her negative energy around me (she relishes in making everyone else around her miserable). I still feel guilty sometimes that I cut her out, but I just don't want to be around her. I have no advice for you but I hope you find a fair resolution.

[Irshgrl31201]

On 2/17/2015 rhinovodka said:

I am sorry your mother called you such an awful name.

When I was growing up, my mother called me some names (she was very emotionally/verbally abusive). I have since cut her out of my life. I really did not want her negative energy around me (she relishes in making everyone else around her miserable). I still feel guilty sometimes that I cut her out, but I just don't want to be around her. I have no advice for you but I hope you find a fair resolution.

I am so sorry you had to deal with that. Rhinovodka, you did what was healthy for you. Your mom is the one that should feel guilty, not you.

[Buck-i-Nana]

On 2/17/2015 esmeraldagooch said:

On 2/17/2015 Buck-i-Nana said:

You have to decide if expecting/demanding an apology is worth the possible outcome. If your Mom doesn't feel an apology is necessary, or if your Mom never initiates the first contact since this event, are you willing and able to live with the consequence of never talking to her again. Odds are that your Mom is going to die long before you, and you will be left to live with the results of your decision here. Only you know how you will react if you demand an apology you may never get and then live with that after she is gone and you can never regain all the lost possible moments.

I totally disagree with this. After counseling and reading Dr Wayne Dyers books I finally got the strength to stop the abuse before my mother passed and she did stop. When she died unexpectedly the fact I had stood up and stopped the abuse was the best thing I have done for ME in my life. If I had NOT done it I would have deep regret over this forever.

I would never ask someone to apologize about anything. If you have to ask, the response is not heartfelt and genuine even if they do it.

As for the dresses, I would leave them with her, never mentioning them again. After she's dead take them and do with them as you will. Obviously she knows now they are a trigger point and by not mentioning them again, takes away that power from her. Don't choose to be her pawn.

You disagree with someone making the determination of whether or not they could live with the consequences before taking action? Well OK then.

[esmeraldagooch]

I took that chance and won. Shania Twain has a song with the lyrics I'd rather die standing than live on my knees. I have to agree. Choosing to pull your own strings doesn't mean you fight with anybody, you choose to not let anyone have power over you again. The OPs mother won't like it but neither did my mom. Once you've gained it back you'll never put yourself in that position again.

[ECBG]

On 2/17/2015 ID2 said:

OP, all of this would have been avoided if you (and your sister) would have taken your wedding dresses out of your mothers house years ago.

Hindsight had always been 100%!

[ECBG]

Have a lot of personal as well as professional experience here.

Nothing is worse than when someone hurts you right down to your soul. It is the worst kind of abuse and does not heal. I would go to a family counselor and learn how to coexist with your mother if you want to continue.

You won't believe now how much better it will get.

Bless you.

[Jeremiah 2911]

Is it possible that your mother has (or had) some of her own feelings attachment and/or some other emotional issues surrounding those wedding dresses?

Maybe she's having a difficult time parting with them herself.

I think she may be struggling with her own feelings about the wedding dresses -- and what's to be done with them.

If you can find it in your heart to forgive her that might be the best thing to do for you, your mother and the rest of your family.

[Tinkrbl44]

On 2/17/2015 Felixfan said:

OP here.

Thank you all for your input. This has been weighing heavily. I'm of the "life is short" mentality..which unfortunately has me torn between putting up with it or not.

Yorkie, Esmerelda, AlleyCat - thank you. Irshgrl - we are of like mind.

Ashleigh - The Cleaver family was a fantasy. A TV show. I am not expecting anything close.

My sister was a very willing participant. She was more than happy to recruit an additional dress to bring. She and I are close, and literally speak every day. If she couldn't make the drive or didnt' want to, she'd have no qualms about saying so.

What makes it harder is that my sister was able to pick up the dresses without drama. My parents apparently made a cursory mention of the argument. Honestly, I didn't inquire too much as I don't want to hear things third party. My concern was that my sister did not receive equal treatment because of the argument.

Normally I would be the bigger person and just act like it didn't happen. But this is different, it's not just a pushy strong opinion on something that I can either appease or ignore.

OP, I'm sorry you were the object of her wrath ... for whatever reason. Is it even remotely possible there is a medication component to this outburst. I'm very curious what your father's take was on this .... or are he and your mother constantly together? Has she ever spoken to your sister this way?

It's much harder with family, as it can be harder to cut the TOXIC people out of your life. I like the suggestion of writing her a letter, stating plainly how this hurt you ..... or letting the silence speak for you, if you aren't willing to risk there might be a Round 2.

I have a younger that occasionally turns into a "Tasmanian Devil" ...... and sometimes the only thing that can be done is avoid them.

Consider yourself hugged ... twice.

Tink