Community Chat

[tsavorite]

Sweeping it under the rug is bad advice. At some point telling your Mom that her calling you a B hurt you deeply/profoundly. She needs to hear that her lack of self control by calling you a name is not acceptable behavior. Would she have swept it under the rug if you called her a B? I can tell you if I had ever DARED to do that to my Mom (young or old) she would have expected a sincere apology with the declaration that I would never disrespect her again. AND RIGHTLY SO I might add!

Now you may share with her and she may not offer that apology and it will affect your relationship with her due to this. But at least you shared how it hurt you then it's up to her....you are both adults and she is well aware that loosing her temper and name calling was way out of line.

I agree with Irishgrl here so strongly.

[terrier3]

On 2/17/2015 Irshgrl31201 said:

That is you. I think there is a certain amount of slack I would give my mom because she is my mom and I love her. She has only ever been great to me and treated me respect so it is hard to answer as I have only known her in this way.

See, I look at a relationship as a two way street. I disagree when you say that you would never let a word end a relationship with your mom. That is putting all of the relationship on just one person when in fact there are 2 people. If my mom choose to disrespect me whether by actions or words then she is the one responsible for ending the relationship as well.

You think it is a trait of small person to not let themselves be continually abused and disrespected? No, the trait of a small person is to allow themselves to be continually mistreated because they have no respect for themselves or the backbone to say enough is enough. I love my mom to death yet if my mother continually treated me in a disrespectful way, she would not be in my life. I would pay her bills and take care of her in that way but she would not get a chance to continually disrespect me until and unless she took responsibility for her actions and wanted to make a change.

Now, if we are talking about one incident, that is completely different but even then when you allow someone to do in once and do nothing, you essentially invite them to treat you that way. People are only treated in a negative way when they allow it. I would not allow that.

I stand up for myself and in fact, I have defended and befriended a lot of underdogs in my day too.

I won't put up with abuse in work or my love life either.

But a mom is a different story. You only have one woman who gave birth to you..raised you and cared for you.

This doesn't sound like a mom from Hades...the OP said her mom had never called her that before.

It just seems silly to let something so small end the relationship. I doubt her mom would ever apologize either. It's just not worth it...there is no reason for her to hold a grudge about this...time to get over it.

Moms aren't like children or pets...it's not a relationship where you can do much "training" one way or another.

I would let it go, especially since mom and OP don't even live in the same state!

[terrier3]

On 2/17/2015 tsavorite said:

Sweeping it under the rug is bad advice. At some point telling your Mom that her calling you a B hurt you deeply/profoundly. She needs to hear that her lack of self control by calling you a name is not acceptable behavior. Would she have swept it under the rug if you called her a B? I can tell you if I had ever DARED to do that to my Mom (young or old) she would have expected a sincere apology with the declaration that I would never disrespect her again. AND RIGHTLY SO I might add!

Now you may share with her and she may not offer that apology and it will affect your relationship with her due to this. But at least you shared how it hurt you then it's up to her....you are both adults and she is well aware that loosing her temper and name calling was way out of line.

I agree with Irishgrl here so strongly.

Sorry, but your mom is not your friend, your co-worker or your child.

I would get over it.

[terrier3]

On 2/17/2015 Alley Catvocate said:

I wouldn't ever "DEMAND" anything...

I would simply live my life, not reach out and let her come to you...HOPEFULLY with an apology...

I am a HUGE Dr. Laura advice fan.. ( if you couldn't tell)

OMG...

[PIT-HAG Melissa]

On 2/17/2015 terrier3 said:

On 2/17/2015 Alley Catvocate said:

I do not agree with letting any kind of abuse go... Whether it is physical or verbal...

That just says it's ok to do it again,IMHO..

This isn't a friend or a co-worker you can just snub forever.

It's an older mom.

I don't see the point in holding a grudge...just grow up and let it go.

She won't be around forever....why fight?

Sorry but living life is hardly fighting..

WHERE do any of my posts state that? Please don't preach to me about moms not being around forever...I lost mine when she was 55..

Thankfully, she had terse moments but she also knew how to sincerely apologize...Without being prompted...

[PIT-HAG Melissa]

On 2/17/2015 terrier3 said:

On 2/17/2015 Alley Catvocate said:

I wouldn't ever "DEMAND" anything...

I would simply live my life, not reach out and let her come to you...HOPEFULLY with an apology...

I am a HUGE Dr. Laura advice fan.. ( if you couldn't tell)

OMG...

LOL..Your opinions do not mean much to me... NEVER have...

[terrier3]

On 2/17/2015 Alley Catvocate said:

On 2/17/2015 terrier3 said:

On 2/17/2015 Alley Catvocate said:

I wouldn't ever "DEMAND" anything...

I would simply live my life, not reach out and let her come to you...HOPEFULLY with an apology...

I am a HUGE Dr. Laura advice fan.. ( if you couldn't tell)

OMG...

LOL..Your opinions do not mean much to me... NEVER have...

...same here.

See, we can communicate without taking it personally...like the OP should do with her mom!

[PIT-HAG Melissa]

HILARIOUS! Mine don't matter yet you keep highlighting them and responding...

You will NEVER see me initially respond to yours... EVER..

[Irshgrl31201]

On 2/17/2015 terrier3 said:

On 2/17/2015 Irshgrl31201 said:

That is you. I think there is a certain amount of slack I would give my mom because she is my mom and I love her. She has only ever been great to me and treated me respect so it is hard to answer as I have only known her in this way.

See, I look at a relationship as a two way street. I disagree when you say that you would never let a word end a relationship with your mom. That is putting all of the relationship on just one person when in fact there are 2 people. If my mom choose to disrespect me whether by actions or words then she is the one responsible for ending the relationship as well.

You think it is a trait of small person to not let themselves be continually abused and disrespected? No, the trait of a small person is to allow themselves to be continually mistreated because they have no respect for themselves or the backbone to say enough is enough. I love my mom to death yet if my mother continually treated me in a disrespectful way, she would not be in my life. I would pay her bills and take care of her in that way but she would not get a chance to continually disrespect me until and unless she took responsibility for her actions and wanted to make a change.

Now, if we are talking about one incident, that is completely different but even then when you allow someone to do in once and do nothing, you essentially invite them to treat you that way. People are only treated in a negative way when they allow it. I would not allow that.

I stand up for myself and in fact, I have defended and befriended a lot of underdogs in my day too.

I won't put up with abuse in work or my love life either.

But a mom is a different story. You only have one woman who gave birth to you..raised you and cared for you.

This doesn't sound like a mom from Hades...the OP said her mom had never called her that before.

It just seems silly to let something so small end the relationship. I doubt her mom would ever apologize either. It's just not worth it...there is no reason for her to hold a grudge about this...time to get over it.

Moms aren't like children or pets...it's not a relationship where you can do much "training" one way or another.

I would let it go, especially since mom and OP don't even live in the same state!

I agree that a relationship with moms is different. More special and I am not necessarily talking about this OP because it doesn't sound like she is constantly berating her. I am talking about a mother who on a constant basis, has no respect for her children and treats them poorly. You may not be able to do "training" with your mom but you can absolutely determine how much abuse you would or would not take. I have read some of the stories about your mom and I know a lot of what she did happened because she was sick and had an addiction problem. I know that had to be hard for you. I personally would not allow my mother to treat me that way. I am not a person to throw my family away or take them for granted at all. If you have read my post here you will know that my family is the MOST important thing to me in my life. PERIOD. However, if I had a mom that felt she could say or do anything to me and I should just let it go, we would have no relationship at all. I don't go by the theory that, well, your mom will die someday so you should be nice to her and you will miss her when she is gone. I don't believe in that at all. If my mom cannot act in a manner that is respectful and loving (with normal family disagreements and arguments) then I wouldn't want to be close to her at all. I know many people who have cut family out of their lives because they were more of a heart ache and detriment to them and they are absolutely happier and live with no regret. I don't get the concept of "she is your mom you must keep her in your life at all costs". That is a dangerous concept and one reason why people have such problems because they don't know when to kick a toxic person out of their lives.

[terrier3]

On 2/17/2015 Alley Catvocate said:

HILARIOUS! Mine don't matter yet you keep highlighting them and responding...

You will NEVER see me initially respond to yours... EVER..

I thought this was a place to exchange ideas freely...

Not pick fights...

Who are you, BTW???