Community Chat

[PIT-HAG Melissa]

On 2/17/2015 LipstickDiva said:

On 2/17/2015 Alley Catvocate said:

I do not agree with letting any kind of abuse go... Whether it is physical or verbal...

That just says it's ok to do it again,IMHO..

OT but it's nice to "see" you. I cannot get it through my head that this is your new nic, even though it clearly says so in your siggy. LOL

Thank you and DITTO... Always!

[Allegheny]

You need to talk to your sister to find out what this is about. I'm thinking the ""drive"" has something to do with it and may-be it turned out to be more than 1/2 hour or your mother misunderstood that the parties were splitting the drive. Why would your sister feel awful about it and volunteer to mail the dresses. For some reason your mother injected herself in to this matter and blasted you. May-be your sister was lamenting to her.

Regardless your mother had no right to fly off the handle and call you a B. Unless she is really a heartless person she is well aware she let her temper and mouth get the best of her and this conversation is probably disturbing her as much as it is you. I agree with you and feel your mother needs to apologize and explain what was upsetting her so much. It may take her some time to mustard up the courage to call you and apologize.

[terrier3]

On 2/17/2015 Alley Catvocate said:

I do not agree with letting any kind of abuse go... Whether it is physical or verbal...

That just says it's ok to do it again,IMHO..

This isn't a friend or a co-worker you can just snub forever.

It's an older mom.

I don't see the point in holding a grudge...just grow up and let it go.

She won't be around forever....why fight?

[lovescats]

My mother used to call me and my sister devils but maybe it was true (sometimes). I guess I would do whatever your mother wants done with them. I wouldn't wait for any apology.

[terrier3]

On 2/17/2015 lovescats said:

My mother used to me and my sister devils but maybe it was true (sometimes). I guess I would do whatever your mother wants done with them. I wouldn't wait for any apology.

I'm with you...

Why let a slip of the tongue turn into a major battle?

[straykatz]

On 2/17/2015 ROMARY 1 said:

Sometimes we can wait until the cows come home.........and nobody is about to apologize. I'd just drop it. And move on with my previous life. An apology would be a pleasant surprise, BTW. But I wouldn't count on it.

ITA.....there is risk in waiting/expecting an apology....I'd drop it too unless you want to widen the rift.

[MickD]

I would write or email your mom about the conversation and how it made you feel. It has nothing to do with the dresses or your sis. It is how she treated you. State your peace and move on. if she doesn't come around so be it.

[Irshgrl31201]

I notice you say that a lot Terrier, to just forget about it and not turn it into a major battle. It seems to me it is the mother who turned it into a major battle by calling her daughter that. I think the way you handle it is extremely unhealthy and most mental health professionals would say the same. It is one thing to overlook what a parent says when they are sick or having problems with mental health. It is quite another to sweep it under the rug when a parent does not have any of that going on.

Asking for an apology isn't turning anything into a major battle and it is to be expected. The only person turning it into a major battle is a mother who refuses to apologize for calling her daughter a b.

Maybe you stayed quiet for the sake of the family but that is absolutely the wrong thing to do because it in essence says that it is ok for a person to treat another person like that. I totally disagree with your stance that it is your mother and she won't be around forever and you can't snub her like you can a coworker. Sure you can. If there is someone in your life who is toxic and continually talks to you in a manner that is rude, mean and disrespectful, you absolutely can and should snub them. No one deserves to be treated like that EVEN if it is your own mother. I love my mother to death and we are VERY close but if my mother talked to me in this type of way and ways you have described we would have a very different relationship and it wouldn't be a close on at all.

I don't understand people who make excuses for others like this and then tell the INSULTED person not to make a big deal of it and not to turn it into a major battle. It is the mother who turned it into a major battle by referring to her daughter in such a terribly disrespectful way.

[JustJazzmom]

Some people are just miserable and want to drag others into their misery. My advice: don't let this person live inside your head.

Go over get the dresses and leave.

[terrier3]

On 2/17/2015 Irshgrl31201 said:

I notice you say that a lot Terrier, to just forget about it and not turn it into a major battle. It seems to me it is the mother who turned it into a major battle by calling her daughter that. I think the way you handle it is extremely unhealthy and most mental health professionals would say the same. It is one thing to overlook what a parent says when they are sick or having problems with mental health. It is quite another to sweep it under the rug when a parent does not have any of that going on.

Asking for an apology isn't turning anything into a major battle and it is to be expected. The only person turning it into a major battle is a mother who refuses to apologize for calling her daughter a b.

Maybe you stayed quiet for the sake of the family but that is absolutely the wrong thing to do because it in essence says that it is ok for a person to treat another person like that. I totally disagree with your stance that it is your mother and she won't be around forever and you can't snub her like you can a coworker. Sure you can. If there is someone in your life who is toxic and continually talks to you in a manner that is rude, mean and disrespectful, you absolutely can and should snub them. No one deserves to be treated like that EVEN if it is your own mother. I love my mother to death and we are VERY close but if my mother talked to me in this type of way and ways you have described we would have a very different relationship and it wouldn't be a close on at all.

I don't understand people who make excuses for others like this and then tell the INSULTED person not to make a big deal of it and not to turn it into a major battle. It is the mother who turned it into a major battle by referring to her daughter in such a terribly disrespectful way.

Trying to change someone else's behavior (especially a senior mother) is a losing battle.

You can't change other people....but you CAN change how you react to their behavior and how it affects you.

It doesn't sound as if she wants to remove Mom entirely from her life (that is always an option). Expecting an apology? Expecting someone to change their behavior? Almost impossible.

So my suggestion is to put it behind her....grow up and don't escalate their conversation.