Community Chat

[pdlinda]

@Patriot3   What a BLESSING SUCH A KIND, GENEROUS MAN IS in your situation!  I have tears in my eyes just reading about this marvelous human being and I bet you get TREMENDOUS pleasure out of seeing your flower beds look so beautiful!   

I would definitely give him a gift card or make a donation to his favorite charity in his name (yes, I have done that when the wonderful helper refuses to accept a "gift.")

[KathyM23]

My DH does chores for our neighbors who cannot do for themselves.  Cleans their gutters, snow plows or shovels snow, built a handrail for our 90 year old neighbors porch/sidewalk, helps with flower beds, etc.   

He absolutely does not want money for doing this nor gift cards.  He is also elderly, but in wonderful physical condition.  He has to have something physical to do all the time.  He does not want reimbursement of any type including food items, he does it to keep busy and sees a need.   @Patriot3   Perhaps your neighbor feels the same and he does it because he likes working in the flower beds and as you said, he keeps his property immaculate.  But, I bet he would like your brownies.  In fact now I want a homemade brownie!

[stevieb]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

@stevieb 

I hadn't considered the negatives of donating, so I'll remove that suggestion.

When a friend's pet dies we send a card and make a donation to an animal charity the friend supports.

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@occasionalrain  I like that idea. I too have done so, both for my own and for others pets when I know they were truly loved.

[shoekitty]

A nice meal and small gift card.  Does he like Starbucks, or a restaurant?  I know a gift basket you make up is nice. But I know at 86, that's a lot of work. I think Brownies and cookies is a sweet gift and a card expressing how much you appreciate him. Nice neighbor.

[DSD2]

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@LavernLuvsShoes wrote:

I have done things/chores for my elderly neighbors and they insisted on paying me - I respectfully refused to let them do so, BUT...

On several occasions, they have given me plants, homemade goodies and gift cards.

I graciously received the gifts in the spirit in which they were given.

Everyone is different, but it's hard for me to understand someone being insulted by a gift that was given in gratitude and love. 

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Perfect answer @LavernLuvsShoes 

[Sooner]

Maybe ask him if there is any lawn tool he needs for your yard, or offer to pay for some new tools that "we" could use, then say Oh you just keep them. . . even lawn bags that he uses or something like that that would help him on both lawns.  

New water hose?  My husband always likes getting a better garden hose. . . 

[drizzellla]

@Patriot3 I can only speak from our experience. We have lived in this house for 40+ years. Our neighbor across the street had lived in her house since it was built in the 1950s. Her first husband died when he was still in his 50s. She later remarried to a wonderful man. 

While the woman was living by herself, I would mow her grass and she kept her house looking like a show place. That continued until she died. After she died,  her second husband was on his own and in his 80s. He didn't have her to be the "driver" on keeping the house, gardens and lawn up to her standards.

Since he was older, he would try. So after he mowed the grass, my husband would run out and cut all the spots he missed with his riding mower. My husband tried to do it during his nap time.  Or my husband would clean his gutters or wash the siding that was starting to look dirty and moldy. We would take diner to him and take him out for lunch. 

We genuinely liked him and enjoyed his company. His kids rarely visited so we made sure if he needed help or something done that he would ask us. It was a very comfortable relationship.

He would offer to pay us. But we gladly wanted to help him. And knew he needed the help. And taking money just didn't feel right. We did it out of love. And not for any other reason. We were glad to do it and glad we were able to do it for him.

We took our "payment" after he died. We took 2 of his trash cans (with his kids OK). He had 8 trash cans. We were thrilled. One was a Rubbermaid that was MANY years old and still has many years left in it. And the other trash can matched 2 of our trash cans. 

His saying Thank You was plenty. Nothing more.

[Iwantcoffee]

I would send him a written thank-you note expressing my appreciation.

[Mz iMac]

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@occasionalrain wrote:

Doing a service for another and the resulting good feeling is diminished when paid. He has declined payment so respect his wishes and don't insult him with a gift card aka money with strings attached.

If he has a garden buy him a plant, if he has a pet get his pet a toy.

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@occasionalrain   Your comment reminded of something my mother said years ago.....My mother's handwriting is so beautiful she can write in calligraphy "free hand."  All self taught.  She has done many invitations, posters, newsletters, etc w/o payment.  She was even asked to "teach calligraphy" which she denied because she is a RETIRED school teacher.  When I asked her why she does not charge her response was this.......

"It's wouldn't be fun anymore if I accepted money." 

[Alsace Gal]

@Patriot3 

I've read so many wonderful suggestions from our members.

Make your brownies and give to him. He will accept them with delight, because that's the kind of man he is. If he can't eat them, you'll never know because that's the kind of man he is.

So many of us do a kindness to another each day and count our blessings.

Enjoy his kindness.