Community Chat

[BirkiLady]

Please help with compassionate wording on a birthday card to my step-sister who has Parkinson's. Her birthday is Monday and from our recent phone calls, I fear this will be her last. 

All recent correspondence has been the usual stuff and this birthday card is typical for any other birthday. I've written in the card, but am at a loss for what to say to make this special without sounding like I fear it may be her last birthday. We're very close; she knows how much I love her. 

I always sign my cards "Love and warm hugs, 

                                       Naughty step-sister"

She's 11 years old than I am. She was an English Professor in SF, CA most of her life.

Our parents were married after all of us kids were adults. We had been neighbors before her parents moved to a smaller home due to her mom's cancer. Years later, her dad began dating my mom and they were married within a couple of years. Needless to say, all of us adult children were thrilled to combine the families.
We've lost her dad and my mom. I was the family member in Nebraska to take care of our parents as they aged, became ill, and passed.

She and her brother have both lived with their families in CA, however both have recently lost their spouses.
She's had Parkinson's for many years and recently was moved into an assisted living room and is being given smooth foods; unable to text any longer or open emails; mental confusion. I call her now; not vice versa.

My heart hurts for what she has been through and is facing in this journey. 

Any help with compassionate, fun words would be helpful. She still has a great sense of humor, loves to laugh, share political info, & family news! 

Thanks in advance. 

[Imaoldhippie]

@BirkiLady ...............Sorry but I think the words should come from your heart and sole only.  To express someone elses word or thoughts in my opinion would be a betrayal to your step sister.  The words dont need to be fancy, the message does not need a deep meaning.  It needs to come from your heart and your heart only.

You did a great job at describing your situation I am sure giving a little time and some thought you will write the perfect message.

Hugs to you and God bless you and your family.

[Mom2Dogs]

@BirkiLady    So sorry about the health of your sister....I don't really have any interesting words but I do recall when my mom was terminal, my aunt sent her a card that read 'get well soon'.  I thought 'really' you could not find a better worded card?  Knowing my anut I guess I should have been happy she sent mom a card.

For some reason that has always stuck with me and I take special care to buy a card that fits the situation.

I guess I would write in the card, 'I hope today is a good day'.

[qualitygal]

Don't get caught up in this could be the last.  She may have been depressed because of not feeling well.  Reach out to her sense of humor.  It's the message of not giving up. Even if that isn't the direction she's going, she doing, right now, go with that. That's nice of you to be so thoughtful of her. (Kind, caring, and all).  Bless both of you.

[mizree]

@BirkiLady  by all means sign the card as you always have.  just wish her a happy birthday as you always have.  remind her of some memory the two of you shared.  it pains you as you see this as her last birthday.  going forward send her a monthly (or whatever frequency) card with thinking of you or hope you are having a good day sentiments.  Prayers for peace and strength to you and your sister.  hugs

[On It]

Have you considered sending a humorous card? I think something that would give her a laugh might be a better choice. Then sign the card with your usual hugs and kisses, naughty step sister closing.

I am certain she is aware of her dire circumstances. It seems like a downer to mention it on her birthday. Recycled Greetings does some edgy cards if she has that type of sense of humor. Example: The front that has the words Happy Birthday above a hula dancer wearing a grass skirt with a coconut bikini top. On the inside of the card it says, "May your coconuts never hang lower than your grass skirt."

Perhaps somewhere between a corny joke and the coconuts is the sweet spot. Target sells Recycled Greetings. Hallmark has humorous cards as well. I think she needs a chuckle.

[Cakers3]

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@Imaoldhippie wrote:

@BirkiLady ...............Sorry but I think the words should come from your heart and sole only.  To express someone elses word or thoughts in my opinion would be a betrayal to your step sister.  The words dont need to be fancy, the message does not need a deep meaning.  It needs to come from your heart and your heart only.

You did a great job at describing your situation I am sure giving a little time and some thought you will write the perfect message.

Hugs to you and God bless you and your family.

---

@Imaoldhippie  I agree.

@BirkiLady. You have this. I understand.❤️💐

[BirkiLady]

@On It @Cakers3 @mizree @qualitygal @Mom2Dogs 

Your responses have been lovely and so appreciated. I was so worried that signing on and asking for help seemed to be the only solution, yet I still was unable to sleep until around 5:00 AM. Today I'm in a fog from lack of a good nights' sleep. 

Lots of funny cards have been (and will continue to be) sent! We've been doing that for decades. Wouldn't change that now.  

This AM looks a lot better and easier to finish writing my own card. Your kind comments are appreciated. Thank you for the helpful advice, which I figured out on my own! It's in the mailbox as I type this to you. Blessings.

[faeriemoon]

I think your words should be nothing but encouraging and uplifting.  If you are correct, and things will most likely not improve, you don't want her to pick up on that negativity by being overly- for lack of a better word- sappy.  Be yourself, be funny, a little snarky maybe (?).  Don't let her think you think this may be her last birthday.

JMO; and TRULY, you know best.

[BirkiLady]

@Mom2Dogs 

Cards or comments expressing "Get well soon" are actually impersonal IMHO if the individual has a cronic or terminal illness. I've noticed that happening for well over 25 years and do not understand how people can be so thoughtless of what they are really sending (or saying). 

Hopefully others will read your comment and think twice before sending such a card. It needs to be for a patient who is ABLE to get well soon. Many are simply living their lives as best as medically possible with cronic conditions.

It is absolutely necessary to select a card to fit the individual, their personality and the situation.  Thanks for a great comment!