Community Chat

[NicksmomESQ]

  Don’t stress over it.Just ask your son how they should be introduced.Hold your head up high & enjoy the festivities. You raised him. You’re his mother, period!! ❤️

[OfCourse]

I would definitely discuss this with your son and the birth mother.  You didn't give us enough information about the circumstances, such as whether people know he's adopted, to give advice.  If people don't know and you want to introduce her as the birth mother, maybe putting the word out ahead of the shower would be a good idea.  You could say you and your son are excited that his birth mother will be there, or something like that.  Then everyone would have already processed this information and will be expecting it.

[Bri36]

What does your son call her?  What do you call her?  

I would just refer to her as you normally do.

[Mominohio]

I think you have already gotten the best advice here. Ask those involved how they would like to be introduced. 

It seems from what little you have posted about this here, that it is no secret that your son is adopted, but perhaps his ongoing relationship with his birth family will be a surprise to some guests?

I'd say it is up to those directly involved to choose how to introduce everyone. At this point in the game, I don't see any reason his brothers can't just be called his brothers, and his birth mom, called that if she wishes, or just her name if she doesn't want to upstage the event with a bunch of people talking about the fact that they didn't know he was adopted, who his birth mother is, etc. etc. etc.

[Kitlynn]

I would just introduce her by her name. If someone ask if she is related then you can respond by just saying she is also his Mom. Most of the time people won't ask. The only thing that matters is that everyone is there for a wonderful event.

[BirkiLady]

@panda1234  Both my grandson and a niece are adopted. My grandson's adoption is an open adoption. His birth father and his entire family are included in our family get-togethers. All of us (including my grandson) call her by her first name. 

If someone does ask if they are related, I would simply say, "Of course. We're all family today."

There is no reason to explain anything to anyone! I would imagine the birth mother gave up your son under difficult circumstances and this will be a difficult day for her. The less said, the better for her. YES, definately check with your son and his finance. I'm sure they have already thought about this. Great question!  

[BirkiLady]

@chrystaltreeYou cannot assume the birthmother is comfortable having the relationship made public. She must be asked. When she gave up that baby, it was probably not by choice and may still be painful. Even though it is an open adoption, this must be handled with tact and grace. She deserves her dignity and respect. 

[suzyQ3]

I'm sure that you son and his soon-to-be wife can give you the best answer.

Personally, I think that introducing his birth family members simply by name is a bit cold. And it wouldn't prevent people from asking the common question as to how they know the wedding family.

[viva923]

just introduce them as mr and mrs John Doe very dear and close family friends. Or I would like you to meet Mary and John Doe some very dear and close family friends. It really is not anyone business who exactly these people are. They are dear close friends of your family that is all that counts

[GenXmuse]

I am adopted and my birth mother was at my bridal shower and both she and my half brother at my wedding.  I introduced them as such. It was a closed option but I was able to find her when I was 19.