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Valued Contributor
Posts: 572
Registered: ‎01-10-2014

Thanks for all your responses!  No, I do not have children, so she wouldn't have another child to play with on an overnight visit. I think she just thinks it would be fun to sleep over. My hesitation is that I find her overwhelming.  She doesn't listen when her parents try to correct her, and she just does what she wants.  I see it everytime I visit.  I can deal with it for an afternoon, but overnight would just be too much.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,847
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

@Arianny wrote:

Thanks for all your responses!  No, I do not have children, so she wouldn't have another child to play with on an overnight visit. I think she just thinks it would be fun to sleep over. My hesitation is that I find her overwhelming.  She doesn't listen when her parents try to correct her, and she just does what she wants.  I see it everytime I visit.  I can deal with it for an afternoon, but overnight would just be too much.


 

If I were in your position I would just kindly say no that night time is my time and I like to be alone.  If you are so inclined you could then suggest a short outing for just the two of you.

The more I learn the more I realize how little I know.
Are you setting an example or being an example?
Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,179
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Need Advice

[ Edited ]

@Arianny wrote:

Thanks for all your responses!  No, I do not have children, so she wouldn't have another child to play with on an overnight visit. I think she just thinks it would be fun to sleep over. My hesitation is that I find her overwhelming.  She doesn't listen when her parents try to correct her, and she just does what she wants.  I see it everytime I visit.  I can deal with it for an afternoon, but overnight would just be too much.


 

 

The only reason for her to spend the night is if they could not get a sitter, with having an emergency. Other than that, just say no. A few years she will be a teen, and won't even ask you.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 12,522
Registered: ‎09-01-2010

Based on feeling this child is spoiled and unruly, I certainly would not want to entertain her for a sleepover.   Pretty much exactly how I feel about my husband's niece and nephews, who have only been to our house a few times.   

 

Out of the blue 5 years ago when my husband's niece was 10, we received a phone call from her school, saying she had missed her bus.   My husband went to the school to pick her up, and brought her here, as he knew his brother was out of town for the day.  That was my first suspicious thought.   Within 10 minutes after being here, niece asked to use the phone, and I overheard her say, "yes I'm here, and I'll call you back".   Suspicious thought number 2.   We had breakfast for dinner that night, which she thought meant we were poor and coasting by until payday, but somehow she managed to eat 4 slices of French toast and 4 sausage patties, washed down by 2 glasses of OJ and a Coke.   After eating, she asked to use the phone again, and then "told" my husband she wanted him to take her to her friends house to stay until her parents got home!  BINGO!   At that point I knew she had missed the bus on purpose, thinking she could get her uncle to take her where she wanted to go.   WRONG!   

 

Needless to say, she didn't leave this house until her dad called to say they were home, which was after 9 p.m.   Thankfully after telling us "she was bored", she pulled the blanket over her head and took a 3 hour nap.   She left this house much wiser that night, and I doubt we ever get another phone call that she has missed the bus.   

Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,875
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

I enjoy children and so I would just plan a fun dinner and movie of her choice.I would tell her ahead of time that her bedtime would be shortly after the movie.I would then tell her parents I would be bringing her home after breakfast.That is an easy visit in my books as a good portion of the time she would be sleeping.Dont make the evening too exciting though or she will want to do it more often.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,570
Registered: ‎09-13-2012

Re: Need Advice

[ Edited ]

@Arianny wrote:

Hi All.  Hope this is the right place to post this.  My friend's daugher is 10 years old. She is a cute girl, but is spoiled and unruly, and she never listens to my friend and her husband when they try to correct her on how she is acting. They basically let her do what she wants.  Well lately, the little girl has been asking me if she could sleep over my house.  How do I say no to her without sounding mean?  I don't think I could handle her on an overnight visit.  Any advice would be appreciated.  Thanks!


I would never say just no to a kid if I could avoid it.  It just causes trouble.  Could you offer her something else or maybe two choices and have her pick which one is best?  I'm not sure whether you ever do things alone with this little girl, but if not you could say, "I think we should plan something special.  How about you, me and your mother have a special tea party in the afternoon?  Or would you rather ______?" and give the second choice. 

 

The best way to get kids to cooperate is to praise them when they are doing good things and say "Such a good girl doing such a bad thing!" when they do wrong.  If you want to get a child (this has worked from age 3 to 13) to pick up the room, ask him.  Most likely, he won't want do to it.  So start picking it up yourself and say, "Could you pick that teddy bear up?"  When he does (that's been my experience), thank him profusely and tell him how good he is.  In no time, he'll be running around the room picking everything up and enjoying the praise.  Perhaps this kind of thing could help them to model her behavior.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,637
Registered: ‎05-13-2010

I would stay away from the child.  You don't like her behavior and have no control over her.  This could lead to a world of hurt for you.  Be friends with the parents only, if you can take it.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,693
Registered: ‎04-28-2010

Knowing myself, I'd say something like:  No, not now, but maybe when you are sixteen (or whatever age: eighteen, etc.), you will be all grown up and we can go out to dinner, return home and spend a bit of time chatting about what's going on in your life in high school, and then maybe you can stay overnight.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,864
Registered: ‎05-13-2012

As I replied to my children when they asked for a sleepover, "that would be a great idea to do sometime". THE END!

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,829
Registered: ‎03-18-2010

@Maudelynn wrote:

Take it as a compliment!  This little girl looks up to you and thinks you're fun.  My niece and nephew sleep over a few times a year.  They are very different with me than they are with their parents.  I agree- set the ground rules ahead of time...."If I have to tell you more than once XXXXX, you will need to go home." and be prepared to stick to it.

Enjoy!

 


I agree it is a compliment. She must find you cool and interesting. My BF daughter used to ask to sleep over at my house too. She was a teen and my daughter was much younger but I always said yes. She loved that I was into beauty as a colorist and then esthetician. Her mom wasn't into that kind of stuff and I think she enjoyed checking out all my stuff and getting stuff done. It was actually fun. She was sweet to my daughter and played with her too and my daughter thought she was a big deal because a teen was sleeping over.  While she was a really great kid and not a brat at all I do know kids who are total brats around there parents because their parents accept that but are completely different around other adults because they are perceptive enough to know, that won't fly with that person. 

 

Having said that if you really don't want her over, I would actually say to your friend that you do not think you could handle her. That isn't like calling her a brat but letting your friend know she is simply too much. I don't think that is a bad thing to say if it is the truth. I have had friends who are nightmares as parents and just because they don't want to discipline their kid does not mean I won't say I could not handle that kind of behavior. When you are a parent like that, you WILL get called on it.

Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.
JFK