@qbetzforreal wrote:
@KKJ wrote:
@BirkiLady wrote:
This mess has brought out some problems within your own family (your son's insecurities and lack of a confidant, his half-brother who told you the story which may or may not be accurate, issues between you and your husband about how to handle this "problem" which may not be a problem, and your need to mother-hen a grown man.
Why does your family feel the need to interfere with something that is NOT their business? Except for your husband, no one seems to be thinking or behaving with common sense. Your older son is passing along the story (without his brother's consent), you are also jumping in the frey without complete knowledge or your son's consent or wish for any help. Why become involved in an adult's life when it is none of your business and you only have gossip as the story? Your husband is correct: H*ll NO!
If you continue to pursue this line of thinking, be prepared to loose your son . . . and possibly your husband, too. Neither of them need a busybody who can't keep their mouth quiet and family secrets, SECRET.
Your son doesn't need you as a helicopter parent. He's in his 40's! Why is he returning to whatever state you live in to "explain things" today? Has he always had to explain everything to his parents? Hopefully, he has grown up and been able to stand on his own two feet decades ago without talking to mom & dad about making a decision.
Has he ever been married and have a family? Perhaps they should be his confidants? Or his best friends, whom he does business with and meets for sports regularly? Guys share their qualms with their spouse and a trusted best friend at that age!
ETA: Apologies for such a blunt post, but the OP has ignored kind, sensible responses. She apparently doesn't want to hear anything sensible! She is waiting to hear whatever she WANTS to hear. I doubt she'll get such a response. She obviously has a need to be center-stage in her (adult) son's life. Not a healthy place for any parent to be!
Wow, that's a bit harsh!
It is harsh, unkind and completely over the top.
@qbetzforreal @KKJ Yes, it is all of the above but it does bring up some blunt points about the adopted son is an adult and he will eventually do whatever it is he is going to do, so the family needs to get ready for that.
The family needs to decide what THEY will do, and decide how far away from the drama they want to stay, because I think they have a lot of options that would only make things worse.
Don't get ensnared in the other family. Keep on track with your family and in all probability the son will work it out. And if he doesn't, he doesn't. I don't know what to say about that--I don't have an answer. Be there for support if he asks and if he is ok on having support is all I can think of.
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