My son met his birthmother this morning… - Page 4

Malcontent · ‎05-24-2015

I got the idea to help her because 1. she gave us our wonderful son and 2. my eldest son sent us pictures that his brother sent him; they are not nice pictures.

I feel as though I do owe her. Understand?

All my family disagrees with me.

Carmie · ‎10-25-2010

Since you asked. I would let your grown mature grown son handle this.

You have nothing to do with this, so do not contact his bio mother or her other children. They they are probably adults too. Don't offer money.

It is not your place to get involved. Just be there for your son.

Venezia · ‎03-09-2010

@Malcontent wrote:

I feel as though I do owe her. Understand?
All my family disagrees with me.

@Malcontent - You do not owe her. Anything.

You have raised your son for nearly 45 years - loved him, provided for him, given him a stable home. That's the only thing you owed and that was to him.

Those of us on these forums can only give opinions based on what you've said. Please listen to your family.

BirkiLady · ‎02-22-2015

@Malcontent wrote:
@BirkiLady

My son is a grown man (going on 45 in a few weeks). I think what he decides to do concerning his birthmother is his decision even if I don’t approve. Right now as it stands after meeting her, he is not happy with her or his alleged siblings.

He's an adult. He doesn't need your approval.

How does this involved you?

Your husband stated his thoughts, which are legally correct. Perfectly sensible.

Why are you trying to stir up trouble?

Money screams; wealth whispers.

decaf · ‎05-13-2021

@Malcontent There's a lot of good advice here. Your son had decades to develop expections of his birth mother and her surroundings, when the reality didn't match, it's no surprise he's upset. His reaction was an emotional one, to "fix" things, so he offered her money. He's a kind and generous man.

He will likely regret that decision because he'll now become her ATM. Your husband is right, don't give her money. You said, "I feel as though I owe her". Why? You don't owe her anything.

Give your son time and space to absorb and process his shock. Nothing wrong if he needs professtional help with that.

What's confusing to me is this- all this emotional turmoil about her finances. As an adult he knows not everyone lives in the same economic situation. Did something else happen at their meeting, maybe she (or his half siblings) said or did something that was hurtful. I hope not.

RoughDraft · ‎03-09-2010

@Malcontent wrote:
@BirkiLady

My son is a grown man (going on 45 in a few weeks). I think what he decides to do concerning his birthmother is his decision even if I don’t approve. Right now as it stands after meeting her, he is not happy with her or his alleged siblings.

Does your son have a family of his own? If so, I would think his OWN family should come first and foremost in any decision he makes. If he does not have his own wife/children, it's something he has to deal with on his own terms. Frankly, at his age I would think he would be better able to cope with the realities.

~The only difference between this place and the Titanic is that the Titanic had a band.~

Roscoe the Rascal · ‎04-19-2016

@Malcontent wrote:
@DSD2

My son offered the money after seeing the conditions she lived in.

Seems her life has always been a difficult one. Meeting ones birth parent doesn't always go well even if the situation is a good one. Lot of emotions involved. He won't turn out like her, but he could have if he would have been raised in that environment. That to me is what he is feeling. What if.

It will take some time to sort out and group therapy is very good in situations like these.

Giving one money can turn out going the wrong way. If he feels the need to help her cash is not the answer to me. I understand how he feels though, but he needs to think it through more if he wants to continue to help her. Sometimes substance abuse is an issue.

sligo · ‎10-20-2010

@ LOVE my grandkids. I completely agree with Love my grandkids. Now your son is older. Iin the past did she reach out to him. I would not give her any money! She would perhaps expect more in the future. I agree with your husband. Your son is a grown man. He is able to make his own decisions. YOU and YOUR HUSBAND have raised him beautifully. TRY not to get involved with this woman.She seems to have managed throughout her life. LOVE your son and husband. Listen to them. THANK YOU for raising a great son. BE PROUD! YOU HAVE DONE THE RIGHT THING!> Many blessings to each of you in the new year.

PamfromCT · ‎05-22-2014

@RoughDraft, I am sure you might not have meant your last statement, as It sounds very harsh and judgmental. I can imagine a desire to meet one’s birth parents, to assure them that you were given a loving life. At the same time, I think that most would want to see a birth parent also living a good life.

People of all ages can experience emotional turmoil for many valid reasons. It is not a character flaw. Part of being human.

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

Are things not good because she is poor and the kids don't have enough to eat? Or is it not good because of something else? If you decide to help financially, don't just give her money. Pay her rent to the landlord. Pay her utility bills directly to the utility company.

There have to be other reasons your son is not happy about her. Listen. Love. Be there for him. Depending on how it goes with him, he may want to get counseling.