@LilacTree wrote:
From the other side, being the "mom," and my illnesses progressing, I can tell you there are days when my short term memory fails me (mostly with words I never had to look up before). I will be having my yearly Medicare checkup on Monday and am hoping I have not progressed beyond "mild short term memory loss," as was diagnosed last year.
As far as my "needs," I can still take care of most of them myself, but I feel that ebbing away. I know I'm starting to feel different inside, physically, mentally and emotionally. I don't expect that to stop progressing. I see things coming that I don't want to experience, nor do I want them to have to deal with.
In short, I have always let my girls live their lives. I feel strongly that if I start getting demented that that would be a curse and too much of a burden to everyone. My girls are in their fifties, they still have lives to enjoy. I'm not saying I would go to a nursing home because that, to me, would be worse than death. But I would not expect nor want them to have to bathe me, feed me, dress me, or tend to my more private needs.
What I don't do is put a lot of pressure on my girls to take care of my business either . . . I pay my own bills online, I make my own phone calls regarding anything related to my health and/or financial matters. I order my own food online and have it delivered. I support myself and this household myself. I ask nothing of my also chronically ill daughter who has Lyme, other than to drive me to my doctor appointments.
I do not call my daughters who work full time. I wait for them to call me. I do not even text them except if it is something important they have to know. I know how busy they are with full time jobs and taking care of their families and households. I also realize they need to have their time off with their families and friends and not with me.
They will be here for a few hours tomorrow for Mother's Day, but I don't expect them to make a big deal out of it, nor would I want them to. Birthdays, same thing. I am sure of their love and they are sure of mine, and that's all that counts.
I will do everything in my power to prevent any of my daughters from having to feel as the posters in this thread feel . . . regarding how being a caretaker has taken their quality of life away.
Illness and aging is a cruel thing for everyone concerned. I agree with what @gardenman said . . . people should die while they are still enjoying life and their loved ones around them are enjoying theirs. Unfortunately, we have no control over that.
No one is ever ready to die, but I hope NJ will enact the laws of "Death with Dignity," as I know that is what I would choose.
Oh @LilacTree, you are so brutally honest with yourself and so open and I have such a soft spot in my heart for you. You have so much going on and have multiple layers to your life. You are just the type of person I could easily see myself sitting and visiting with and caring about. Since I can't do that, I'm sending you a hug, from my heart to yours. ❤
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