Re: My mother who has dementia living with me

Beautiful life · ‎03-11-2010

Thank you everyone for all your help and support. Your tips are so helpful.

I returned home and the caregiver said she didn't sleep all night, my mom is still up!

My moms house is in both hers and my name. We do have a trust. My mom never wanted to sell her house,always wanted me to have it then when I pass away go to my children. I don't have a choice but to rent it or sell it. My moms house will take time to get ready, she was a hoarder and tons of stuff to get rid of. I am getting help within a week or so to throw away trash and go through everything.

We have all accounts in both our names. She does not qualify for Medicaid, even if I took her name off the accounts they go back I think three years.

I would love for live in help but there's no room for a live in and would be costly.

My my mom does where depends, still leaks,she's only 80 lbs. my mom was in a nursing home for rehab and she got worse losing a ton of weight and got dehydrated. I took her to the emergency room for dehydration. The nursing home left her dirty, and didn't help her eat and took along time to get her help. I'm afraid of that happening again.

I have a husband and two children. I was tired before but now I'm exhausted. My mom also now starting to wander out of her room by herself early mornings. I'm so afraid she's going to fall again. I have a monitor now in her room but afraid I'll not hear her.

'She's has fell a few times, thank goodness nothing was broken.

''Her parents both had dementia, my mom put them in a residential housing place and later we found out they were abusive to my grandma ( was investigated when she ended up in the hospital) my mom always told me never put me in one of those places. I feel bad if I did because I know what could happen.

I was told that my mom would qualify for hospice, not sure what help I could get. I know they don't cover caregivers. My mom already has nurses and physical therapy come out a couple of times a week. I'm hoping she sleeps in tomorrow. Going to try to get approval for a neurologist and get medication.

Once again thank you everyone for all your help

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@Beautiful life wrote:

the caregiver is still up with my mom. It's 10:00pm the caregiver called me telling me my mom is crying for me all day. I'm not sure she'll be coming back after today. I live in California. I don't want to send my mom to a nursing home, I'm trying to get her help for her but I'm going crazy.

@Beautiful life

I haven't read every post, but you have my sympathy.

How long have you had her with you, and what is your plan for her care? I think it's pretty obvious you can't care for her yourself indefinitely. IMO, you are suffering from Caregiver Burnout, and you really need help; first try the Alz Association or speak with a social worker. You also need to check into Medicaid and discuss the financial specifics. When was the last time she saw a doctor? Perhaps a re-evaluation of her condition now is appropriate.

We went through this with my mother, and the time comes when you have to admit you're unable to provide almost 24/7 care and maintain your sanity. I hope you consider all the advice & ideas given and be honest about any one person's limitations.

Consider yourself hugged ... twice.

Katcat1 · ‎07-21-2011

@Beautiful life, I sympathize with you as it is very difficult to care for an older person, especially when she is sick. There are nursing homes that once your money is used up, Medicare kicks in. Not all nursing homes are set up like that. You have your hands full and my prayers are with you and your mother.

kindness is strength

qvcaddition · ‎03-10-2010

@granny me

@granny me wrote:
I have no words of wisdom, but please accept a virtual hug. My heart hurts for your situation.

Remember mom was there when she whined and cried and wet the bed and depended on her. It,s tough, but it,s tough for mom also.

QVCPhobe · ‎05-17-2010

I am very sad for you and send you prayers.

There are adult day cares which may help. I would contact the Alzheimer's Society and ask for resources and what you can do. Perhaps Medicare can help you.

honeybeagle · ‎10-19-2011

Dear Friend,

I have been through this with both my parents at the same time. My father had Luey body dementia and my mom had vascular dementia due to multiple strokes and became an invalid. They had no money. We moved them to a private senior adult foster care home where they shared a bedroom. It was the most wondrful thing we did!. We found the home on the website that Joan Lunden advertises , A Place for Mom. aplaceformom.com. It was a beautiful clean home in a wonderful neighborhood. Seven to eight residnets and two full time staff members that rotated shifts. The care was so personal the home so warm and invitiing. They had meals at the dining table together, watched t.v. together. They brought in people to do arts and crafts and play music and sing. They would even take them outside for walks in their wheelchairs, Our other alternative was a medicaid nursing home. I hope this is helpful to you, It was a answer to our prayers! They both ended up in hospice care there and passed away within tow weeks of each other. I am so grateful for the loving personal care they received in a loving home enviornment. God Bless you and your mother

KathyPet · ‎03-09-2010

DO you have power of attorney for your mother which will allow you to sign the needed documents to dispose of her home or is the title to the house jointly held? YOu need to have authority to sign a listing contract with a real estate agent, accept a offer for the house and then sign the closing documents and need the legal,authority to take those actions.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@qvcaddition wrote:
@granny me
@granny me wrote:
I have no words of wisdom, but please accept a virtual hug. My heart hurts for your situation.

Remember mom was there when she whined and cried and wet the bed and depended on her. It,s tough, but it,s tough for mom also.

@qvcaddition @Beautiful life

Yes, that's true, but dementia and the associated behavior problems is a whole different thing.

It can be painful, but a caregiver has to recognize when they are in over their head. Sometimes the best thing you can do is have a parent cared for by knowledgeable, experienced and caring professionals who can be there for them 24/7.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@KathyPet wrote:
DO you have power of attorney for your mother which will allow you to sign the needed documents to dispose of her home or is the title to the house jointly held? YOu need to have authority to sign a listing contract with a real estate agent, accept a offer for the house and then sign the closing documents and need the legal,authority to take those actions.

@KathyPet @Beautiful life

OMG ... excellent point. Having a POA is very important.