My friend is caught in the middle. - Page 5

qbetzforreal · ‎08-28-2010

Sounds like the friend let her sons drop out of their grandparents' lives because visiting was boring.

And now there isn't a relationship as far as the sons are concerned. I don't think the grandparents realize this is the situation.

If the friend cannot get the sons to commit to a Christmas visit and FB friend request then she'll have to suck it up and tell her parents it's a no go.

It appears she has been avoiding this for many years.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

There are grandparents who have moved from the warm South to the cold snowy North to be near their grandchildren and involved jn their lives.

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

@chrystaltree

IMPORTANT .... lol

I just realized no one asked and I don't believe you mentioned .... but what do you know about the grandparents' MOBILITY ?

If one of them walks with a walker or cane ... or has a chronic condition, I take back some of my criticisms.

What do you know about the grandparents' activity levels?

I would guess somewhere between daily golfers and both in wheelchairs .... it's really an important consideration, IMO.

chrystaltree · ‎05-10-2010

@Tinkrbl44

I didn't ask about mobility issues but she did say that neither of them has any serious health issues that she knows about. However, they are in their 80s and with all that's going on with the airlines, I can understand why they wouldn't want to fly anywhere.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

Fact is, sometimes parents or grandparents get new people as they age. Sometimes they lose intereset in their families and grow closer to others who become family and frame of reference. Blood is not a lot thicker than water always.

Sometimes you can't go back. Maybe the grandparents grew so far away that it simply is what it is. Everyone has to chose for themselves what to do.

Mindy D · ‎05-23-2010

I think your friend ought to go see her parents. The grandchildren can do what they prefer. Remember though, the grandparents did try to have the grandchildren come stay with them but it just didn't work out. They also maintained contact through calls and cards. I hope that the grandchildren that don't have obligations go and visit. The grandparents should not be blamed for anything. Sometimes, people drift apart temporarily. When this happens, it can be a blessing when they drift back together again.

Cakers3 · ‎06-17-2015

@occasionalrain wrote:
There are grandparents who have moved from the warm South to the cold snowy North to be near their grandchildren and involved jn their lives.

@occasionalrain So? What is the point? How many do you know?

If that worked for those grandparents, fine.

If the grandparents in this saga preferred to be in the wamer weather, that is also fine.

The boys did visit but when they entered their teen years their interests changed.

They could have been encouraged to stay in touch by text, FB, or even a phone call. Why should the grandparents keep making the first contact? They have earned a life that is suitable for them, too.

Nobody has to live their lives the way somebody else did just because it is a different decision.

This whole story is just not important. And we only know one side so there is that, too.

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh

CrazyDaisy · ‎03-20-2010

Let's face it no teenager wants to spend time at a retirement community. Does not mean they could not have remained close, however even their own daughter stopped visiting. Of course they turned to their friends. Seems that the family abandoned the grandparents.

At 80 they should not have to resort to begging and paying people to come and visit them. Hope the family does the right thing while there is still time. Oh and you might want to tell your friend that she is teaching her boys how she wants to be treated when she gets old.

Someday, when scientists discover the center of the Universe....some people will be disappointed it is not them.

skatting44 · ‎07-26-2019

From your post , it sounds that " blame " was placed on the Grandparents for the lack of keeping in contact despite the Grandparents sending some birthday/graduation gifts.

Relationships between the Grandparents and Grandsons is a two way street . You say the last the sons visited the Grandparents they were teen agers .

Sounds to me that the Grandsons may be to egotistical to now sacrifice one Christmas for their Grandparents who at one time from your narrative were active in their young lives . Also what is the problem with Face book as friends so the Grandparents can see pics and talk one in a while.

If they were my sons , I'd tell them " think abt it " one day you will be old and gray and one last wish may be to see all your family together at one holiday.

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

I'm not faulting the grandparents for their choices. Not everyone enjoys spending their time with grandchildren and attending their activities. Lots of those who have retired feel they put in their time raising their children and now want to enjoy their retirement.

I'm not faulting the grandchildren either. The relationship they had with their grandparents was more acquaintances rather than close friends.