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Honored Contributor
Posts: 19,415
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: My first therapy appointment for grieving.

I know how much you were hurting so I'm glad you made the appointment.  Hope no medication is needed and that you come out of this with a better understanding that you did all you could for her.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,983
Registered: ‎11-21-2011

Re: My first therapy appointment for grieving.


@Beautiful life wrote:

 

 

I grew up in a dysfunctional family including my father. It will take many counceling sessions to talk about my life. It is true when someone you love dies you only see the good at first. That's how I felt when my dad passed along time ago but my memories come back with a father that was depressed, abusive and abused prescription pills. 

 

I know my mom was not a saint. I still have scars on my legs from a metal hanger she hit me with. She pulled my hair, called me names. Like I said before I forgave them both. I don't know why they were the way they were but have a feeling they needed help mentally and never got treatment for it. 

 

Im looking forward to group counseling. I'm trying to locate one close to me.

 

thanks everyone for your loving support.

 


@Beautiful life I feel realy bad for you. I think more than grieving your Mom's death, you are really grieveing the loss of a chance to have a great Mom.

Super Contributor
Posts: 430
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: My first therapy appointment for grieving.

So true piglet. My mom at the end when living with me was a softer person. My husband told me that last night that she at the end wasn't depressing to be around. I miss that mom. 

 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,588
Registered: ‎02-04-2014

Re: My first therapy appointment for grieving.

Thinking of you   @Beautiful life ....

 

Image result for animated . encouragement  saying

Super Contributor
Posts: 430
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: My first therapy appointment for grieving.

 

Thanks sea breeze☀️

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,258
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: My first therapy appointment for grieving.

@Beautiful life

 

Though it really upset me to hear just the bit you've told us about what occurred to you, you're sure doing the right thing by going to counselling. I hope that you can line up a group to be involved in as well.  Please know that there will be light at the end of the tunnel for you.  Do continue to return here, as I'm sure we'd really like to learn of your journey.

 

***

 

Not to usurp your journey, but I know a least some of us here also grew up in dysfunctional families, too.  Somehow I was blessed in realizing my mother was a real pip early on, after many abuses, so I steared clear of her as much as possible.  When older and she didn't care for whatever on a certain day and would explode at me, I started exploding back at her.  I really needed to do that.  Of course, it didn't help one iota, but it did make me feel better.  During college, while taking Abnormal Psych, I finally realized my mother had self esteem and other issues, which explained a lot!  What I really want to tell you and what my bottom line is is that I never loved my mother - not for one minute.  How can you, when that person's means of communication is to beat, slap, scream, yell and otherwise make every day miserable?  I want you to know that I hope you're able to resolve any feelings of guilt you may have.  You're incredibly special to be here today and do not owe that person anything.  It would be my wish and blessing for you to be able to feel free and fly like a bird.  XXX  Rebecca

Honored Contributor
Posts: 8,810
Registered: ‎06-10-2010

Re: My first therapy appointment for grieving.

@Beautiful life

 

I was happy to read that you are going for counseling.  That, to me, is a big first step....just admitting you need help and/or guidance.  There is no shame in that and I respect you for doing it.  I read somewhere years ago a passage that was talking about getting professional help from a therapist.  It said, " many times, those that need it most won't get it".  In my opinion every family has at least some dysfunction because people in general are dysfuntional.   It comes in all degrees. Some peoples families have a lot of dysfunction......some not very much.

 

 Whatever it is, I think we all could benefit from outside help at different times in our lives.  While life can be good, it can also throw us some pretty tough circumstances.  You did the right thing and I feel like just giving you a big hug. Here it is  A BIG HUG!!   Always remember....you are precious in the sight of God. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,525
Registered: ‎06-27-2010

Re: My first therapy appointment for grieving.

[ Edited ]
   
            (((@Beautiful life)))    Your posts bring tears to my eyes.    God bless you for doing the hard work to see a therapist, find a group or groups, and take each step to sort through this process.    It isn't easy...  but it's a perfect example of those things worth doing not always being easy.   You might want to ask your therapist if she recommends sharing details here on the forums.   You're new to therapy, your heart is tender, your emotions are raw...  our comments and opinions might be helpful, but might not be helpful, even though we have the best of intentions and want only good things for you.
            I wanted to add something I posted on another thread -- in my many years of therapy I've learned sometimes we think we want a therapist who always agrees with us and comforts us...  and we might feel an inclination to dismiss or discredit a counselor who tells us things we don't want to hear.    Useful therapy often is uncomfortable and difficult, certainly not always comfy or warm and fuzzy.   Now and then a good therapist has to tell us things that are hard to hear and assimilate.   So, please know this is normal and part of the learning and healing process.    In my experience, a good therapist also sometimes gives us "homework," suggests helpful reading or tasks, and might direct us to specific groups that would help us in our journey.
            I suggest using a small notebook for your therapy sessions.   If things come to mind during the days before an appointment, try to jot those down and take with you to each visit because they won't always come to mind otherwise.    Also, immediately after the appointment  I learned to find a quiet place (even if it was in my car before driving away) to make a few brief, quick notes about what I learned or what I wanted to follow up on.    We think we'll remember, but our memories don't always work well -- especially when we're dealing with grief, depression, or anxiety.    It's a dark irony...  at the very time we need to be able to listen and concentrate, our mind is unsettled and uncooperative.
 
            I know, in my heart, that this is going to be worthwhile for you.   You are strong and brave.   You deserve joy, peace, and comfort and you will find them.    You're in my prayers, (((Firestripes))).   Please take good care of yourself.❤️
 
Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit—the parallel powers of your heart and mind—better than how you give feedback.~Maria Popova
Super Contributor
Posts: 430
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: My first therapy appointment for grieving.

 

Great idea I will bring a notebook. I saw the bad in my parents but also the good. I was always devoted to them because I loved both of them. Both has issues and I did forgive them but never will forget.

 

MY KIDS ARE SPOILED BUT DISRESPECTFUL. I KNOW ITS MY FAULT

I NEVER WANTED THEM TO BE TREATED LIKE I WAS.

 

I do appreciate all my parents did do for me growing up not all was bad but I have lasting effects of the guilt placed on me.