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Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,416
Registered: ‎11-03-2013

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school


@terrier3 wrote:

@SaRina wrote:

@terrier3 wrote:

@SaRina wrote:

@If it were me @Brinklii, I would have informed the college that the student's belongings have to be removed. If they were to do nothing, then the new student coming into the room would have to inform the college again and make arrangements to have the girl's belongings removed  I have no legal authority to touch someone else's belongings.


If it was my child in that situation, I would have told her to go to the R.A. and get an answer on what to do with the stuff.

That's what R.A.s are for...mothers need to butt out.


@I'm not sure I necessarily agree with this @terrier3. It's nice if a child entering college has the wherewithal to handle such a situation, but children have different maturity levels and certainly going away to college for the first time, 3 weeks in, may be slightly overwhelming. It's a transitional time into adulthood and greater independence so the child, while independent in many ways, still needs the parents' guidance.

 

I was very young (too young) when I went off to college and I'm sure would have appreciated my parents' guidance in a situation like this.  But anyhow..... even an R.A. telling the OP's daughter what to do with the stuff is not adequate. The daughter should not be touching her roommate's belongings or be responsible for removing them.


If a college freshman can't handle $200 of assorted stuff left behind by a roommate, maybe she's not ready to go away to college.

This is a trivial problem - not the end of the world.

Driving 3 hours roundtrip, "solving" the daughter's problem - didn't help the daughter mature at all.

Box it up, put it in a corner, and be done with it.


@terrier3 I love you more than my luggage but I have to say ouch on this one . . . first I want to say upfront I do not have children nor did I attend college so I probably shouldn't be weighing in on this but I do remember being that age and crossing the threshold from high school into the first steps of adulthood.

 

I guess what I am saying here is that the OP's daughter is having her first taste of independance and unfortunately was paired with a roomate who clearly was not ready at this point in her life.  It would have been great if she had been paired with someone that was ready to take on these new challenges together and learn from their experiences but unfortunately she is kind of left holding the bag in terms of cleaning up her mess.  From what I have read, the school seems incredibly not helpful (boo on them) in this situation so I understand how both the daughter and her mom tried to help as best they could.

 

For me, it sounds like a nice family trying to make the best of a bad/sad situation and I wish her daughter the very best going forward and I hope she gets a great roomate and thoroughly enjoys her college years and experiences.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,487
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school

@Mrsq2022 - yes they are growing into adulthood, and they want to be responsible because they think they are "adults". However, the OP should have minded her own business and let the next set of parents (or incoming student) handle it with the RA or Advisor. 

 

I'm guessing she didn't want her daughter to have to look at a mess in the dorm room and that's why she did it.

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 32,482
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school


@momtochloe wrote:

@terrier3 wrote:

@SaRina wrote:

@terrier3 wrote:

@SaRina wrote:

@If it were me @Brinklii, I would have informed the college that the student's belongings have to be removed. If they were to do nothing, then the new student coming into the room would have to inform the college again and make arrangements to have the girl's belongings removed  I have no legal authority to touch someone else's belongings.


If it was my child in that situation, I would have told her to go to the R.A. and get an answer on what to do with the stuff.

That's what R.A.s are for...mothers need to butt out.


@I'm not sure I necessarily agree with this @terrier3. It's nice if a child entering college has the wherewithal to handle such a situation, but children have different maturity levels and certainly going away to college for the first time, 3 weeks in, may be slightly overwhelming. It's a transitional time into adulthood and greater independence so the child, while independent in many ways, still needs the parents' guidance.

 

I was very young (too young) when I went off to college and I'm sure would have appreciated my parents' guidance in a situation like this.  But anyhow..... even an R.A. telling the OP's daughter what to do with the stuff is not adequate. The daughter should not be touching her roommate's belongings or be responsible for removing them.


If a college freshman can't handle $200 of assorted stuff left behind by a roommate, maybe she's not ready to go away to college.

This is a trivial problem - not the end of the world.

Driving 3 hours roundtrip, "solving" the daughter's problem - didn't help the daughter mature at all.

Box it up, put it in a corner, and be done with it.


@terrier3 I love you more than my luggage but I have to say ouch on this one . . . first I want to say upfront I do not have children nor did I attend college so I probably shouldn't be weighing in on this but I do remember being that age and crossing the threshold from high school into the first steps of adulthood.

 

I guess what I am saying here is that the OP's daughter is having her first taste of independance and unfortunately was paired with a roomate who clearly was not ready at this point in her life.  It would have been great if she had been paired with someone that was ready to take on these new challenges together and learn from their experiences but unfortunately she is kind of left holding the bag in terms of cleaning up her mess.  From what I have read, the school seems incredibly not helpful (boo on them) in this situation so I understand how both the daughter and her mom tried to help as best they could.

 

For me, it sounds like a nice family trying to make the best of a bad/sad situation and I wish her daughter the very best going forward and I hope she gets a great roomate and thoroughly enjoys her college years and experiences.


I am old.  I went to school with the dinosaurs.  But even back then some colleges treat their kids like they are their parents, some are more hands off, figuring your are old enough to be there you are old enough to pretty much take care of yourselves.  Mine was this last way.  It was like boot camp for being responsible and was the best part of my education.  

 

It depends on the kid and when considering a university, parents and child should talk to the people with the student life office and find out what is expected of the student as far as life skills and how they "monitor" the student.

 

My freshman dorm theoretically had "hours" but we came and went as we pleased and nobody cared.  Another university checked its kids in and out after like 10 p.m.  Also, fresh. year my roommate never showed up and the univ. let me pay just a tad more to have a private room.  It was great.  The next year I was with someone from another region of the US that I didn't know and we got along famously but she went to California the next year.

 

I loved my university and stayed for four years, but had NEVER visited before I went.  We didn't have extra money for travel.  So that wasn't an option for me.  It was a real financial strain on my family to help out.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,416
Registered: ‎11-03-2013

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school


@Sooner wrote:

@momtochloe wrote:

@terrier3 wrote:

@SaRina wrote:

@terrier3 wrote:

@SaRina wrote:

@If it were me @Brinklii, I would have informed the college that the student's belongings have to be removed. If they were to do nothing, then the new student coming into the room would have to inform the college again and make arrangements to have the girl's belongings removed  I have no legal authority to touch someone else's belongings.


If it was my child in that situation, I would have told her to go to the R.A. and get an answer on what to do with the stuff.

That's what R.A.s are for...mothers need to butt out.


@I'm not sure I necessarily agree with this @terrier3. It's nice if a child entering college has the wherewithal to handle such a situation, but children have different maturity levels and certainly going away to college for the first time, 3 weeks in, may be slightly overwhelming. It's a transitional time into adulthood and greater independence so the child, while independent in many ways, still needs the parents' guidance.

 

I was very young (too young) when I went off to college and I'm sure would have appreciated my parents' guidance in a situation like this.  But anyhow..... even an R.A. telling the OP's daughter what to do with the stuff is not adequate. The daughter should not be touching her roommate's belongings or be responsible for removing them.


If a college freshman can't handle $200 of assorted stuff left behind by a roommate, maybe she's not ready to go away to college.

This is a trivial problem - not the end of the world.

Driving 3 hours roundtrip, "solving" the daughter's problem - didn't help the daughter mature at all.

Box it up, put it in a corner, and be done with it.


@terrier3 I love you more than my luggage but I have to say ouch on this one . . . first I want to say upfront I do not have children nor did I attend college so I probably shouldn't be weighing in on this but I do remember being that age and crossing the threshold from high school into the first steps of adulthood.

 

I guess what I am saying here is that the OP's daughter is having her first taste of independance and unfortunately was paired with a roomate who clearly was not ready at this point in her life.  It would have been great if she had been paired with someone that was ready to take on these new challenges together and learn from their experiences but unfortunately she is kind of left holding the bag in terms of cleaning up her mess.  From what I have read, the school seems incredibly not helpful (boo on them) in this situation so I understand how both the daughter and her mom tried to help as best they could.

 

For me, it sounds like a nice family trying to make the best of a bad/sad situation and I wish her daughter the very best going forward and I hope she gets a great roomate and thoroughly enjoys her college years and experiences.


I am old.  I went to school with the dinosaurs.  But even back then some colleges treat their kids like they are their parents, some are more hands off, figuring your are old enough to be there you are old enough to pretty much take care of yourselves.  Mine was this last way.  It was like boot camp for being responsible and was the best part of my education.  

 

It depends on the kid and when considering a university, parents and child should talk to the people with the student life office and find out what is expected of the student as far as life skills and how they "monitor" the student.

 

My freshman dorm theoretically had "hours" but we came and went as we pleased and nobody cared.  Another university checked its kids in and out after like 10 p.m.  Also, fresh. year my roommate never showed up and the univ. let me pay just a tad more to have a private room.  It was great.  The next year I was with someone from another region of the US that I didn't know and we got along famously but she went to California the next year.

 

I loved my university and stayed for four years, but had NEVER visited before I went.  We didn't have extra money for travel.  So that wasn't an option for me.  It was a real financial strain on my family to help out.


Point very well taken @Sooner and I thank you for that as it is my nature to help clean up whatever mess there may be especially in this case as her daughter did not cause this situation.  I understand that her family should not have taken responsibility for the missing student and her stuff as I guess logically it should have fallen to the new roommate.

 

I am still peeved with the college but again I too am old (Flintstones have nothing on me) but for me it just seems the college was shoving the responsibility for a girl not ready for college off on a daughter and family and not taking charge of the clean up of a student that went AWOL.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,278
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school


@riley1 wrote:

@Mrsq2022 - yes they are growing into adulthood, and they want to be responsible because they think they are "adults". However, the OP should have minded her own business and let the next set of parents (or incoming student) handle it with the RA or Advisor. 

 

I'm guessing she didn't want her daughter to have to look at a mess in the dorm room and that's why she did it.

 

 


And what if the girl had stayed and turned out to be a slob,  or if the new roomie is a complete slob, is Momma going to butt in and tell the roomie to clean up their act or go in and clean the other half of the room.  No, she should have minded her own business.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,087
Registered: ‎03-10-2016

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school

@petepetey, aren't you glad you asked?   

 

Oy

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Posts: 303
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school

wow

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Posts: 135
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school

Not judging you but it would never come to mind to take someone elses property. Not my business. 

"God created memories so that we might have roses in December." - Italo Svevo
Honored Contributor
Posts: 30,916
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: My daughters college roommate quit school

   Tha type of thing happens  with freshman, it's not at all unusuall and there's no reason to be sad or worry about the girl.  You know nothing about the girl or why she went to a school so far away from home.  Sometimes, kids are unwittingly pressured by parents or teachers or older siblings to go to a school that really is not what they want.  They even fool themselves into believing it's what they want.  And then the parents leave and they feel stranded and alone.  And then there's that boyfriend you mentioned.  Distance and young love are not a good match.    It happened with a young man my older daughter met and became friends with at orientation.  A great kid, from CA.  He'd never been more than 200 miles from his home and suddenly he found his self at a college in MA.  Rural Ma, at that.   I believe he lasted about 2 months. he just got more and more depressed and started to stay in his dorm room and even stopped going to class.  And the poor kid worried about cold weather and snow.   Finally, his mom arrived and packed him up and took him home.  And he did just fine in life.  He took that school year off and enrolled in a local college and is now a social studies teacher...or was, the last time I asked about him  He and my daughter remained FB friends and even met up in San Francisco several years ago when she was there on business.  I think they bonded because my daughter who was so anxious to start campus life actually hated the whole dorm experience from day one.  It went south for her immediately after we dropped her off.  She was only 2 hrs away from home and we knew nothing about how miserable she was until she came home for Christmas vacation.  She brokedown and wanted to quit school and "re think" things but my husband wouldn't let her. He insisted that she go back for the next semester and then she could re-think things over the summer.    We did listen to her about the horror sof the dorm and we  rented a little studio apt off campus for the second semester.  And she thrived.  She got a part time job, made friends and everything was great.  She loved college.  Dorm life just wasn't right for her.  I'm sure that young woman will be just fine too.  She tried, it wasn't the right fit for her and now she can figure out what is right for her.  It beats what happened to my coworker a few years ago.  Her girl was the first in their entire family to go to college.  It had been her dream since she was 6.  A brilliant girl who was co valedictorian.    There were no indications that she had any second thoughts.  They drove her and her belongings to college, 3 hrs away.  Everything seemed good.   Six days later she and her belongings came home.  She had called a friend to come and get her.  A year later, she enlisted in the Navy and was accepted into a Navy medical corps  program, which is tough and very competitive and she excelled.  She intends to make the Navy her career, she loves the life and is now engaged to a young man who is a registered nurse....in the Navy, of course.  

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Re: My daughters college roommate quit school


@petepetey wrote:

No, the school said they didn't want the stuff, and it shouldn't have been left.

 

A new roommate is moving in and it can't be there.

 

I will hang on to it for now and would gladly ship it if someone paid me but so far, no one has asked for that to happen. 


 

 

 

 

      Don't worry about that stuff.  It's dorm stuff and the girl had no use for it at home so they left it.  The new roommate certainly  will not want it and it's likely that your giirl won't even get a new roommate until the next semester.  So, you did nothing wrong.  Do what every you see fit with it.  I don't how it is that so many people read the story and biggest concern was.....some bedding...lol    Cheap dorm bedding at that....lol