Community Chat

[ROMARY]

homedecor1: I can't count the number of times that non-r*ligious brought-up youngsters ended up the very opposite, even working in that field. (And vise-versa.) The Universe works in mysterious ways, always evening out things in the long run. Not to worry....

[Lynneuk]

Just be happy that she has found her special someone,that is what is important. One day for a big elaborate wedding costing thousands does not make a marriage. Maybe you could give them the money you would have spent on the wedding for a down payment on a house. That would be a real and lasting investment in their future.

[AuntG]

Homedecor1, I can understand your concerns and they would be mine too. Remember when Archie Bunker took baby Joey and had him baptized? Couldn't relate to that when I watched the show as a middle-schooler, but I could now. However, I'd know better than to do that and would force myself to keep quiet.

[Big Sister]

Give it a bit more time; maybe there is a compromise that can be made between you and your DD. Good luck and congratulations.

[homedecor1]

Aunt G & Romary 1: thank you both for your comment. I've moved past these issues (hard at first) BUT I'm grateful to have my son (who is a cancer survivor -6 months after married he was diagnosed, 2 yrs of h####) and to have my beautiful happy & healthy GD as she is our miracle (they thought they'd not be able to have children after his treatments). So I learned to just "accept" what they feel is right for them & as it is their choices. Have a wonderful week ahead!

[ID2]

Remember the wedding is for THEM. Not for mom or dad or family. My friend had the same thing happen to her. Her daughter got engaged and absolutely didn't want a wedding of any sort! My friend was heartbroken, this being her only daughter. Her daughter got married at the courthouse and my friend had a dinner for them and immediate family at a local restaurant. That was it! Pay more attention to their marriage, a wedding is just one day.

[Stella Dallas]

In addition to the rest of advice you've been given, I'd like to suggest you give them some time and DON'T pester them about it. If you can be patient (and I know it's hard), they might change their minds.

I'm just the opposite: my DH and I tried to bribe our son and his now-wife to elope. We offered them money but they went ahead and had a nice wedding and we gave them the money anyway

And now we're awaiting our first grandchild this summer.

BTW...the best advice I was ever offered regarding their marriage was: STAY OUT OF IT. If and when they ask you to take sides in a disagreement DON'T DO IT. I have a sister whose son has been married for over 20 years; that was the first advice she gave me and it's served me well.

Also, OP, I love your name.

[goodstuff]

I can understand your disappointment, but this is your daughter's wedding, and you should honor her wishes. Instead of insisting on the big wedding of your dreams, rejoice that she is marrying a fine young man -- and perhaps help to make the dinner after their courthouse nuptuals a memorable event. And be glad you aren't wrestling with a daughter who wants more wedding than you and your husband can comfortably afford (a frequent situation and source of family angst). Don't let your dreams of a big wedding become a source of conflict and discomfort between you and the happy couple.

[Hayfield]

I understand your disappointment but it is her wedding. I'll always remember when I got engaged, I wanted a small wedding, a something simple, but my mom wanted "a wedding", so I let her plan most of it, she had fun. While I enjoyed the day, it was "her" day and not "my" day. I have a daughter and if she ever gets married, she's going to have "her" day. A friend of mine recently went to a "party" the day after the couple went to the courthouse and had a simple wedding with their parents only but the next day had a party, maybe that would work. Whatever you do, don't "guilt" them into anything, they'll never forget it, I never did and I've been married for 37 years.

[EnglishRose88]

UPDATE! They've decided to get married in a small but very lovely, quaint chapel. She has bought her wedding gown and she looks like a princess. The reception will be held at the groom's parent's home. They have a very nice, large home. The reception will be held outside by the pool. The pool will have floating candles and flowers. It's going to be a formal sit down dinner after cocktail hour. And then there will be a DJ and there will be a dance floor for dancing. I took your advice and stayed out if it. I was fine with the court house ceremony (not really but I didn't say anything.) Well.....the groom's mother WAS NOT going to let them have a court house ceremony! She stepped in and organized the whole thing. Both bride and groom seem happy with the arrangement. I think they just didn't want or have time to deal with organizing a wedding.