Community Chat

[KaliaMonet]

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@jaxs mom wrote:

Did they do a chest x-ray? I don't know anyone that gets a chest x-ray during a normal check up and I can't imagine how a routine check up would find lung cancer. 

I'm so sorry for your loss. 

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Chest X-Ray and three cancer screenings (prostate, lung, and colon). My dad feared getting cancer, especially since his mom was a chainsmoker. 

[KaliaMonet]

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@Shanus wrote:

@KaliaMonet. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'd love to tell you the pain will go away, but when I lost my Dad (also lung cancer) 4 years ago, I never thought I'd see a bright day again. The doom has lifted a little, but not a day goes by that I don't think about my Dad.

The one good thing is that your Dad didn't suffer through months of treatments and constant pain and meds like mine. Your Dad passed away w/ his dignity and that says a lot. 

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That is the one thing I'm happy about. Thank you for your words. 

[KaliaMonet]

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@esmerelda wrote:

@KaliaMonet. I'm so sorry for the loss of your dad.  He does sound like he was a wonderful man.

I think doctors can burn out after years of "doctoring."  In the case of doctors who are part of a practice with multiple doctors I think they become workers on an assembly line.  Fifteen minutes with this person and then who's next.  A schedule dictated by the business owner...who may be a doctor himself...not by the people seeking care.

The best you can do at this point is live a life that honors your dad.

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These are mom and sisters' thoughts. All three of them are like, "maybe if doctors saw a person and not a quota or a number, maybe they would have seen something." I'm in my 20s, so I don't know anything different, but according to my mom, the profession was better and more personal when she was growing up. I hope someday there can be a return to that. 

[Tinkrbl44]

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@Cakers3 wrote:

@KaliaMonet  I am very sorry for your loss.  I cannot speak to why your dear Dad was not diagnosed earlier.  Sometimes parents don't always reveal health issues, either, to their children.   In my experience, anyway.

May you and your loved ones be surrounded in loving and healing light.

Take care.

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@Cakers3    

I also now know of three elderly parents (plus my stepmother) who didn't reveal all symptoms they were experiencing .... fear, denial, not wanting to worry family members ..... who knows why, but it happens more frequently than you would think.    

@KaliaMonet

I'm so sorry for your loss .......   and while you'll never know exactly what was going on, I think it's possible your dad was experiencing symptoms.    Since he got a clean bill of health, he may have thought it was nothing.   Sending you e-hugs.

[Rockycoast]

Saying prayers for you and your family. What a shock it must have been for you to find out your dad had cancer. That is how some dads are though. Keep the bad stuff to themselves and carry on so not to worry the family. He sounds like he was a great dad. i am so sorry for your loss.

[dooBdoo]

             Oh, (((@KaliaMonet))).    I'm so sorry.   I was only a few years younger than you when my dear father passed away.    You have so much to process...  the shock, the anger, the grief.    Please try not to direct blame or guilt to yourself... be gentle with yourself.    Sometimes our questions have no satisfactory answers, and we each have to find peace in our own way.   

            I can tell by your beautiful tribute, and by your posts over time, that you're an intuitive, sensitive, warm and passionate person.    I'll bet that's a manifestation of who your father was, and who he always will be in the spirit that lingers on, in and around you.   As a teacher, you'll share a part of him with countless souls who, in turn, will pass it on...  what an infinite, eternal gift of love.❤️

[Foolywooly11]

@KaliaMonet: So sorry for your loss, & I will pray for you & your family. Several years ago, when my Mom was hospitalized, her nurse noticed that my father seemed ill as well, & suggested he get checked out while he was visiting. He was admitted, & within days was diagnosed with pneumonia, then lung cancer, then passed away. It was all so sudden. I lived out of state, my Mom wasn't completely alert & oriented, so it was just my sister who was with them during this time. Again, I'm sorry for your loss, & hope that you will cherish the beautiful memories of your Dad & the purposeful life he lived!

[mistriTsquirrel]

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@KaliaMonet wrote:

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@NicksmomESQ wrote:

  Your father sounds like an awesome guy.I'm so sorry for your loss.62 is way to young.Thankfully he didn't suffer.My mom had lung cancer.She suffered terribly.

  Find strength in your wonderful memories.Cry as much as you need to for as long as you need to.Get it all out. Talk about your dad to your mom, siblings & friends.It helps keep him alive in your heart.

  Please know you have friends here too.Let us know how you're doing.You can always lean on us!!

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Oddly enough, the "not suffering" part is the one thing we find comfort in right now. He literally was fine up until the day he passed. We've seen friends and my aunt pass from cancer, and with the friends, the long, drawn-out suffering some of them experienced and the stress on their families followed by the financial issues from the bills... Does it make me a bad person if I find relief in the fact that we were spared that? That thought keeps creeping into my head, and I feel like it's the wrong thought to have! I already feel guilty enough because I wasn't there for my dad, and now I'm having that type of thought. 

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@KaliaMonet  I don't think there's anything wrong with having those thoughts.

I remember lying on a cot at the foot of my dad's hospice bed and listening to him breathe irregularly, and the restless sounds.  I knew he was suffering.  I prayed that he would just go, so the suffering would end.

My mother and sister and I are now a broken family.  Some of the anger has been a direct result of things that happened between us while my dad was sick.  If he had died suddenly, these things never would have happened, and maybe we would still all be speaking.

There can be so much suffering surrounding a person's death, and it's perfectly understandable to be relieved to have avoided some of it.

You may want to do an online search for grief groups in your area.  The non-profit hospice in my area offers them for free, and you don't need to have any past experience with hospice to join one of the groups.  Something like that may help you sort through your thoughts and feelings.  You can talk to people who aren't in your family or circle of friends about your thoughts and feelings, and you won't have to worry what your loved ones may think.  And hearing that others are having the same thoughts and feelings can help allay feelings of guilt, because you will realize that many other people are feeling the same things and having the same thoughts.

Wanted to add...as far as not being there for your dad...how in the world could you have possibly known what was going on in his body, and that he would pass soon?  I can understand the thought though, because we all look back and think things like that.  I just hope you will not beat yourself up.  

[Irshgrl31201]

I am so sorry to hear this @KaliaMonet. What a shock. If your dad wasn't experiencing symptoms like the normal ones associated with lung cancer (coughing, shortness or breath, chest discomfort, back pain, etc..) I don't know what normal yearly physicals would show without adding what other diagnostic tools like CT scans, etc.. would show when they suspect certain cancers.  Perhaps @pitdakota would know.

Again, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how angry and upset you are. I know you want answers and now. I would too!  Please accept my sincere condolences.

[Bird mama]

@KaliaMonet  I am so sorry that your beloved father was taken from you and your family so unexpectedly.  Losing a loved one is never easy.  I've experienced the unexpected loss of someone very dear and it took me a very long time to process it.  Prayers go out for you and your family.