Community Chat

[QueenDanceALot]

I can't imagine any caring person not saying something to someone they know who is being abused, but you can't demand explanations or demand that they take certain actions.

Make yourself available as a friend by offering to listen as others have said.

Give them information about  organizations that can help them.

No one is going to seek help unless and until they are ready to.  And the sad truth is that the most vulnerable time for an abused woman is right after she leaves the abuser.

She will then need people who can protect her.

[Plaid Pants2]

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@Cakers3 wrote:

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@occasionalrain wrote:

There was a time when women had few if any options other than to stay in an abusive relationship. No more. There are shelters, legal recourse, Public Assistance... For that reason and for the fact that they put others at risk, including their children and the police who are called on again and again to respond, I have no sympathy for those who choose to stay.

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@occasionalrain  This post indicates that you have not worked in a professional capacity or at the very least volunteered in this subject matter.

While I agree that there are more recourses today, relief from abusive situations does not happen overnight.

Shelters are not meant to be long-term solutions.

Children still have to attend school.

Public assistance is not available at the drop of a hat-especially if the woman is married. 

Domestic violence is not something to take casually.   Not every woman is equipped emotionally to recognize that the abuse is NOT HER FAULT-no matter how many times she returns to the abuser.

Emergency restraining orders do not last forever, either.

It is very easy to assume that the woman does not deserve empathy because she returned to her abuser.  We know that even women who are trying their best to escape can still be found by her abuser.

This topic shouldn't be about the woman who returns; it should be about why not every solution works for every woman.

I would suggest that those who believe women are not worth sympathy for remaining in a very complex issue-legal, emotionally, physically, culturally, and so on take just one moment to volunteer and understand just how different every situation can be and just how different women can perceive themselves to be helpless.

There isn't always the grand solution for every case.

Fear is the most debilitating emotion that can either make or break a person's stamina, too.

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@Cakers3

I would also like to add to what you have said, is that often times, abused women have no self-esteem. They think that they can't do any better, or deserve any better.

Also, the abuser may have her isolated, as in she doesn't have a vehicle to drive, no cell phone of her own, live in a remote place, forbids her from seeing/talking to  family and friends, she has very little, if any money of her own.

She might even be too scared to leave.

Even though I have never been in an abusive relationship, my heart breaks for those that are, or have been.

It isn't easy to escape the clutches of an abuser.

[Noel7]

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@Happiness Is Inside JOB wrote:

I am so sorry to hear of this situation. I have read some great stories of moxy on here from my QVC sisters, I love the lady whose daughter popped him right in the mouth and he was on the floor.  I love the sister who saved and moved out early one morning.  We as women are strong!!!

I have a saying I learned years ago - We teach people how to treat us. 

So when you don't like something you have to ****** ****** ****** it in the bud or end the relationship, one or the other.

Also for me, independence is a requirement, I have a saying, I pay the cost to be the boss.  For some men, when you are not working that gives them the courage to act a fool.

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I have to disagree @Happiness Is Inside JOB

That's another platitude that people fool themselves with.  How does a young child teach her father not to beat her and leave marks?

How does a grown woman teach a serial abuser, and they frequently are, not to rip her hair, violate her and cause her other injuries?

[momtochloe]

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@Plaid Pants2 wrote:

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@Cakers3 wrote:

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@occasionalrain wrote:

There was a time when women had few if any options other than to stay in an abusive relationship. No more. There are shelters, legal recourse, Public Assistance... For that reason and for the fact that they put others at risk, including their children and the police who are called on again and again to respond, I have no sympathy for those who choose to stay.

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@occasionalrain  This post indicates that you have not worked in a professional capacity or at the very least volunteered in this subject matter.

While I agree that there are more recourses today, relief from abusive situations does not happen overnight.

Shelters are not meant to be long-term solutions.

Children still have to attend school.

Public assistance is not available at the drop of a hat-especially if the woman is married. 

Domestic violence is not something to take casually.   Not every woman is equipped emotionally to recognize that the abuse is NOT HER FAULT-no matter how many times she returns to the abuser.

Emergency restraining orders do not last forever, either.

It is very easy to assume that the woman does not deserve empathy because she returned to her abuser.  We know that even women who are trying their best to escape can still be found by her abuser.

This topic shouldn't be about the woman who returns; it should be about why not every solution works for every woman.

I would suggest that those who believe women are not worth sympathy for remaining in a very complex issue-legal, emotionally, physically, culturally, and so on take just one moment to volunteer and understand just how different every situation can be and just how different women can perceive themselves to be helpless.

There isn't always the grand solution for every case.

Fear is the most debilitating emotion that can either make or break a person's stamina, too.

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@Cakers3

I would also like to add to what you have said, is that often times, abused women have no self-esteem. They think that they can't do any better, or deserve any better.

Also, the abuser may have her isolated, as in she doesn't have a vehicle to drive, no cell phone of her own, live in a remote place, forbids her from seeing/talking to  family and friends, she has very little, if any money of her own.

She might even be too scared to leave.

Even though I have never been in an abusive relationship, my heart breaks for those that are, or have been.

It isn't easy to escape the clutches of an abuser.

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Great points @Plaid Pants2 and many have lived with abuse of some sort even in their early years.  It's a tough cycle to break.

[Cakers3]

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@Happiness Is Inside JOB wrote:

I am so sorry to hear of this situation. I have read some great stories of moxy on here from my QVC sisters, I love the lady whose daughter popped him right in the mouth and he was on the floor.  I love the sister who saved and moved out early one morning.  We as women are strong!!!

I have a saying I learned years ago - We teach people how to treat us. 

So when you don't like something you have to ****** ****** ****** it in the bud or end the relationship, one or the other.

Also for me, independence is a requirement, I have a saying, I pay the cost to be the boss.  For some men, when you are not working that gives them the courage to act a fool.

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@Happiness Is Inside JOB  I disagree. The abuser does not learn how to be an abuser by his (or her) vicitm.

The abuser already has those negative traits and while the abuser would not get away with abusing a "strong" woman, it is also very, very unlikely that the abuser would choose to be with a woman who would not put up with abuse.

[151949]

When I was a kid and one of my brothers would pick on me or hit me - my Mom absolutely did not tolerate the running to her about it. Her answer was always - Why are you running to me - stand up for yourself. Hit him back if they hit you and they'll learn not to hit you. For this reason I always wonder why women don't stand up to these guys and hit those %$$#@R@ back. Pick up a broom handle or a rolling pin and DEFEND YOURSELF. If they are in pain the next morning they will think twice before they do it again. It worked with my brothers.

[Cakers3]

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@151949 wrote:

When I was a kid and one of my brothers would pick on me or hit me - my Mom absolutely did not tolerate the running to her about it. Her answer was always - Why are you running to me - stand up for yourself. Hit him back if they hit you and they'll learn not to hit you. For this reason I always wonder why women don't stand up to these guys and hit those %$$#@R@ back. Pick up a broom handle or a rolling pin and DEFEND YOURSELF. If they are in pain the next morning they will think twice before they do it again. It worked with my brothers.

@151949Sibling squabbles are a far cry from grown men beating on a woman.

And shouldn't your brothers have been taught not to hit you at all??

Strike him with a roller pin???  What is this - a cartoon from the old days??

You apparently do not understand the psych make up of an abusive partner.

Striking a very, very, angry and powerful person can have his victim ending up......dead.

SMH

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[HisElk1]

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@Cakers3 wrote:

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@151949 wrote:

When I was a kid and one of my brothers would pick on me or hit me - my Mom absolutely did not tolerate the running to her about it. Her answer was always - Why are you running to me - stand up for yourself. Hit him back if they hit you and they'll learn not to hit you. For this reason I always wonder why women don't stand up to these guys and hit those %$$#@R@ back. Pick up a broom handle or a rolling pin and DEFEND YOURSELF. If they are in pain the next morning they will think twice before they do it again. It worked with my brothers.

@151949Sibling squabbles are a far cry from grown men beating on a woman.

And shouldn't your brothers have been taught not to hit you at all??

Strike him with a roller pin???  What is this - a cartoon from the old days??

You apparently do not understand the psych make up of an abusive partner.

Striking a very, very, angry and powerful person can have his victim ending up......dead.

SMH

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@Cakers3, I was getting ready to reply to this post and just saw yours.  If I could give you a million hearts, I would, so here's one.  

[LyndaGee]

Very upsetting.  Good for you, Sydney, for letting her know how concerned you are.  I'm sure that is a comfort.  She knows she's not alone and she has a caring friend.