My Co-Worker - Page 4

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

When I was in my early 20's, I lived in an apartment complex that had a lot of college students living there.

One neighbor of mine use to beat on his girlfriend pretty regularly.

When I would hear him abusing her, I would call 9-1-1.

He knever knew that it was me that called the police.

Also, I put up the phone number for the local women's shelter in the common mailroom, in hopes that she would see it, and reach out to them for help.

I was afraid to get more involved than that, because what if he decided to come after me for "interfearing"?

This guy and I shared a kitchen area, and one day, when I was in the kitchen, he asked me if I could give him a ride to someplace.

I told him that I couldn't.

I did not want to be alone with him in a car! Who knows what he could have done!

dex · ‎03-09-2010

@Plaid Pants2 I think that you did everything that you could do for that poor woman.I hope she was able to get away from that terrible relationship.

noodleann · ‎06-10-2015

@SydneyH wrote:
@Kachina624 wrote:
I had a woman who worked for me. I don't remember if her So was boyfriend or spouse. He was head driller on oil rigs in Oklahoma and made a lot of money. She'd periodically call in sick from a hospital. When she'd show up for work she'd be bruised and battered. Then shortly after she'd blossom out in a new fantastic piece of jewelry, the good stuff. She had a cute name for him doing penitence, and all seemed to be forgiven.
This must be some sort of coping thing because after I composed myself and asked for an explanation.........she started laughing, like it was nothing. I was horrified because we had have conversations in the past about her's partner's abusive behavior, I thought I was making inroads but apparently not. I asked her if she would be laughing if I dared to come to work looking that way, she couldn't look me in the eye. I then asked if she had a casket picked out because that imo, is the the next step........

Good grief. As someone who's lived through physical and emotional abuse at the hands and mouth of a partner, I was shocked to read what I've highlighted above.

Saying "If I dared to come to work looking that way" is shaming the victim and actually contributing to a hostile work environment. You're trying to goad her into getting help, but you're actually denigrating her. Her reaction shows that.

Her abuser may be giving her the same sort of question about having a casket picked out "because that imo, is the next step." I got that kind of line appended to every altercation I had with my partner, for years, until I got out. It was a constant implied death threat. You don't mean it as that, but it, too, is threatening, bullying, and abusive.

This is not support. This is not creating a safe haven. This is the opposite, even though I'm sure that's not your intent. If you are going to continue to involve yourself with this woman's private problems, please consider reaching out to find resources that can help you find more appropriate, sensitive ways of extending a helping hand to a victim of abuse.

Q4u · ‎03-17-2010

When I had my serious fall in 2010, I hit with full weight and force on my left cheekbone on the wood bannister at the bottom of the stairs after falling from the first or second step at the top. While the doctors were amazed I didn't break my face bones but I ended up very swollen, with my left eye nearly swollen shut and extensive bruising that darkened considerably after a few days over nearly all my left side. I looked like I had been in a street fight. It seemed to take forever to fade and I'm sure people thought I'd been abused. Hard to convince people you haven't been when that's the first thing they think of.....

*~"Never eat more than you can lift......" Miss Piggy~*

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

There was a time when women had few if any options other than to stay in an abusive relationship. No more. There are shelters, legal recourse, Public Assistance... For that reason and for the fact that they put others at risk, including their children and the police who are called on again and again to respond, I have no sympathy for those who choose to stay.

patbz · ‎03-10-2010

As was previously mentioned, not every bruise is abuse. Twice in my 33 year marriage, family members had accidents that could have been perceived as abuse by others. We were moving bookcases in our large truck. DH used bungee cords to keep them secure and one sprung lose and hit DH in upper cheek (near eye) causing black eye and in other incident eight year old son missed catching a plastic water bottle which hit him in face, causing bruising. As I worked in Personnel for Federal Govt, I knew possible misperceptions, so in both cases my family members stayed home for about 4 days until swelling/bruising subsided.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

I've never witnessed abuse, or been abused. I always told my husband that if he EVER hit me, I would KILL him, and I meant it. My parents didn't beat on me, and I would never allow my husband to.

I always cautioned my girls about dating guys with anger issues. Youngest daughter picked a real winner about 10 years ago. In his parents presence, he grabbed my daughters left arm in anger during an argument. His parents gasped, and when the boy swung my daughter around, she had doubled up her fist, hit him square in the face and laid him on his ****** on the kitchen floor. Dad had raised his cane to strike his son, but liked my daughters actions much better. My daughter walked out and never looked back.

x Hedge · ‎08-18-2016

I had this conversation beforeI got married. I pointed out to my tall, powerfully built husband-to-be that he had the power to kill me (or anyone else) with one blow.

His mom and dad were similarly matched in size to us, so he could picture the possibility and was appalled!

Two of his friends occasionally beat up their wives and they'd talk to him about why they did it. He and I talked about other options if ever feeling a desire to hit someone.

A senior employee reported to work with a black eye. She had been beat up and robbed by her son. Following encouracement, she did report him to the police for elder abuse.

A couple of nurses would report for work with black eyes periodically. One had an abusive boyfriend.

She'd say, "It's my fault, I made him hit me."

The other was 'unwell' in a way that made her crave sympathetic attention. She had an unending series of 'accidents' and likely responsible for her own black eye.

I actually saw her break bones in her own foot one day. She happily hobbled around with a crutch for weeks.

As for me, I've been punched square in the face by a patient having a psychotic episode. I've been kicked punched and bruised by spastic patients and intentionally hit and kicked, scratched and spat on, and knocked to the floor more than once (all at work) by patients with behavioral issues.

x Hedge · ‎08-18-2016

@noodleann wrote:
@SydneyH wrote:
@Kachina624 wrote:
I had a woman who worked for me. I don't remember if her So was boyfriend or spouse. He was head driller on oil rigs in Oklahoma and made a lot of money. She'd periodically call in sick from a hospital. When she'd show up for work she'd be bruised and battered. Then shortly after she'd blossom out in a new fantastic piece of jewelry, the good stuff. She had a cute name for him doing penitence, and all seemed to be forgiven.
This must be some sort of coping thing because after I composed myself and asked for an explanation.........she started laughing, like it was nothing. I was horrified because we had have conversations in the past about her's partner's abusive behavior, I thought I was making inroads but apparently not. I asked her if she would be laughing if I dared to come to work looking that way, she couldn't look me in the eye. I then asked if she had a casket picked out because that imo, is the the next step........
Good grief. As someone who's lived through physical and emotional abuse at the hands and mouth of a partner, I was shocked to read what I've highlighted above.

Saying "If I dared to come to work looking that way" is shaming the victim and actually contributing to a hostile work environment. You're trying to goad her into getting help, but you're actually denigrating her. Her reaction shows that.

Her abuser may be giving her the same sort of question about having a casket picked out "because that imo, is the next step." I got that kind of line appended to every altercation I had with my partner, for years, until I got out. It was a constant implied death threat. You don't mean it as that, but it, too, is threatening, bullying, and abusive.

This is not support. This is not creating a safe haven. This is the opposite, even though I'm sure that's not your intent. If you are going to continue to involve yourself with this woman's private problems, please consider reaching out to find resources that can help you find more appropriate, sensitive ways of extending a helping hand to a victim of abuse.

Thank you @noodleann. Very well said.

OP has also totally ignored the possibility that her co-worker is the abuser, and got her black eye when her partner was attempting to defend himself.

LizzieInSRQ · ‎12-27-2010

Me neither. I will NEVER need a man in my life bad enough for even verbal abuse. I've worked and sacrificed and spent most of my time alone so that I rely on no one. I wish everyone could feel or want to feel the satisfaction of self reliance and not having to put up with someone else's garbage. Lonely at times, yes but I fear this type of situation more. God bless them and I hope they get out and thrive.