My Co-Worker - Page 14

GCR18 · ‎07-03-2013

My sister's live in boyfriend beat her up one night because of a joke she told. She had bruises on her upper torso. She moved out, then moved back in a week later. There was no talking to her. She ended up marrying him. He didn't touch her again, but the verbal abuse started a couple years into the marriage. They were divorced after 20 years.

I would gather literature on the local woman's center and any counseling available through work. I'd give it to her when nobody was around and tell her I was there for her. I talked to my sister until I was blue in the face and it went in one ear and out the other.

Silver Lining · ‎04-16-2010

@noodleann wrote:
@Cakers3 wrote:
@151949 wrote:
When I was a kid and one of my brothers would pick on me or hit me - my Mom absolutely did not tolerate the running to her about it. Her answer was always - Why are you running to me - stand up for yourself. Hit him back if they hit you and they'll learn not to hit you. For this reason I always wonder why women don't stand up to these guys and hit those %$$#@R@ back. Pick up a broom handle or a rolling pin and DEFEND YOURSELF. If they are in pain the next morning they will think twice before they do it again. It worked with my brothers.

@151949Sibling squabbles are a far cry from grown men beating on a woman.
And shouldn't your brothers have been taught not to hit you at all??

Strike him with a roller pin??? What is this - a cartoon from the old days??

You apparently do not understand the psych make up of an abusive partner.
Striking a very, very, angry and powerful person can have his victim ending up......dead.

SMH
Kudos and a million thanks for saying what I was thinking when I read that post. If I wanted to be killed as I slept, sure, I'd kosh him over the head.

If you've been reared in a dysfunctional, abusive family, you tend to go on to have relationships in which dysfunction and abuse figure in some way, if not prominently. More to the point for some here, you don't understand what normal is. The dynamics of real civility, of living without a quid pro quo, zero sum game in play every minute of the day and the sense that assault on mind and body can happen at any time, for any reason, makes it hard to recognize, much have a "normal" relationship.

By the same token, if you've never been in such a relationship, its dynamics won't make sense to you. You have no frame of reference for how something so wrong could be sustained for so long. Most importantly, through no fault of yours, unless you're trained in this stuff, you're going to have no appreciation for what it's like to live with the erosive, degrading effect of that constant background threat. It creates the ultimate sort of learned helplessness, and IMO explains why it takes so long to get clear of these bad situations.

@noodleann, your post, specifically the last paragraph, is probably the most erudite thing I've ever read on the forums. It answers the question of why a person would return to an abusive situation and why other people can't understand it. Thank you.

proudlyfromNJ · ‎05-01-2010

@NYC Susan wrote:
@occasionalrain wrote:
I admit to growing up in a home where no one hit or ridiculed anyone so it's hard for me to relate to someone whose experience was the opposite. I understand to some abuse is normal; what I don't understand and find unacceptable is putting others in danger. Why do these women call the police who risk their lives to rescue them only to return. To me, there is no justification for that.
Until you've experienced this and/or seen it up close, you have no right to decide what's justified and what's not justified.

It's very easy to sit up on a high horse and judge others. But not so easy to go through the horror of being in a situation like this. You find it "unacceptable"? Maybe more abused women would be less afraid to speak up and seek help if they didn't have to worry about being criticized and blamed by people who think the way you do.

eta: Like you, I grew up in a home where no one hit or ridiculed each other. I've never lived in a home where that happened. But that doesn't mean I can't have some understanding and empathy for people who are victims of abuse. We can certainly feel compassion for people in situations that are different than our own.

Pay her no mind. She thinks Jorhan Van Der Sloot didn't kill Natalie Holloway.

SydneyH · ‎03-10-2010

@happycat wrote:
Yes, I worked with a woman who would come to work periodically beaten. Several of us tried to help her.
Long story short, she didn't come to work for a few days. When she did come back, she was kind of dazed, not right- she was worse this time that I had ever seen. Several of us tried to help, encouraging her to leave. One man who was single told her she was going to end up dead. Begged her to bring her 2 kids and stay with him till she could get int to a womens shelter. She would not leave. I was bringing her food, not sure if anyone else was or not. It was just pitiful.
I changed jobs soon after all that happened. I saw years later in paper, she was finally divorcing the husband.
A few years ago, I ran into her at Wal Mart. She said she was doing good. I hope she still is.
I really did think he would kill her.
@SydneyH, I hope your co worker gets help soon.

So do I and before the self righteous and self professed therapist who called me an abusive bully decides to go there, there are times when we have spent over 50 hours together in a single week. She is a very open and direct person as I am, I'm not apologizing for the feedback she ASKED me for. On a positive note, her nose is not broken, I'm taking her little girl out for ice cream and to my son's baseball game so she can run some errands. Thank you for those who shared without the snark.

Lindsays Grandma · ‎03-10-2010

Hedge...I read your post and the first words out of my mouth were "Oh my God, that poor woman." I have heard that some people in your type of work end up being physically hurt by patients, so sorry it hap

@x Hedge wrote:
I had this conversation beforeI got married. I pointed out to my tall, powerfully built husband-to-be that he had the power to kill me (or anyone else) with one blow.
His mom and dad were similarly matched in size to us, so he could picture the possibility and was appalled!

Two of his friends occasionally beat up their wives and they'd talk to him about why they did it. He and I talked about other options if ever feeling a desire to hit someone.

A senior employee reported to work with a black eye. She had been beat up and robbed by her son. Following encouracement, she did report him to the police for elder abuse.

A couple of nurses would report for work with black eyes periodically. One had an abusive boyfriend.
She'd say, "It's my fault, I made him hit me."

The other was 'unwell' in a way that made her crave sympathetic attention. She had an unending series of 'accidents' and likely responsible for her own black eye.
I actually saw her break bones in her own foot one day. She happily hobbled around with a crutch for weeks.

As for me, I've been punched square in the face by a patient having a psychotic episode. I've been kicked punched and bruised by spastic patients and intentionally hit and kicked, scratched and spat on, and knocked to the floor more than once (all at work) by patients with behavioral issues.

pened to you.

The moving finger writes; And having writ, Moves on: nor all your Piety nor Wit Shall lure it back to cancel half a Line Nor all your Tears Wash out a Word of it. Omar Khayam

Bri36 · ‎02-20-2017

@SydneyH, that's very nice of you to take her little girl out for some fun.

Does the little girl witness this abuse or is she abused herself? What a sad situation to grow up in...

CalminHeart · ‎03-09-2010

OP said she didn't take it very well. This probably shut down the coworker and she'll never talk to OP about it. OP needs to step back and stay out of it since she couldn't remain calm or objective about it.

Melania · ‎06-12-2013

@151949 wrote:
@proudlyfromNJ wrote:
@151949 wrote:
@proudlyfromNJ wrote:
@151949 wrote:
When I was a kid and one of my brothers would pick on me or hit me - my Mom absolutely did not tolerate the running to her about it. Her answer was always - Why are you running to me - stand up for yourself. Hit him back if they hit you and they'll learn not to hit you. For this reason I always wonder why women don't stand up to these guys and hit those %$$#@R@ back. Pick up a broom handle or a rolling pin and DEFEND YOURSELF. If they are in pain the next morning they will think twice before they do it again. It worked with my brothers.
Hit back? A broom or rolling pin? Unless the abuser is the size of Danny Devito this would never work. Most men can overpower a woman very easy. Have you never watched the ID channel?
Trust me - my brothers are all huge men - 6'4" to 6'7" and big - not skinny. But I never let them intimidate me! Men overpower women because the women LET THEM. You just gotta be mighty mouse. I can't hit as well as them but boy oh boy could I kick! Your gonna get hurt anyway it goes - don't just lie there and take it.
@151949. Well, I do agree a woman can kick and fight back and not just lie there.... But in the end the man will overpower her. Did you ever beat up these brothers of yours while they were trying to beat you up?
Yes and that was how they learned to stop beating me up - when I got the gumpton to hit them back.And I learned to not be anyones doormat and just take whatever is being handed out. My Mom was right to make me learn to stand up for myself.

Hence the huge chip on that shoulder... SMH

occasionalrain · ‎03-10-2010

I have never offered an opinion on the Hollaway disappearance because it never interested me.

Ultimately, each of us is responsible for the choices we make. It's unfair to expect others to pay the price for our choices, more than that, it's just wrong. I have read nothing but excuses here.

Noel7 · ‎03-09-2010

@occasionalrain wrote:
I have never offered an opinion on the Hollaway disappearance because it never interested me.

Ultimately, each of us is responsible for the choices we make. It's unfair to expect others to pay the price for our choices, more than that, it's just wrong. I have read nothing but excuses here.

@occasionalrain

Does that mean you will not be accepting Social Security when that time comes? Or Medicare?

Because what you paid into SS, if you did, is nothing close to what you will rake in, should you get SS. Not to mention, it's young people footing the bill for you, not what you paid into it.

And the stats show the average person getting Medicare will cost much more than first assumed, should you be like most people and get sick while you have the benefit.