My Childhood Home

CrazyKittyLvr2 · ‎05-11-2013

The house I grew up in was always considered home even after I married at 18 and moved 85 miles away.

After Dad died in 1995 we decided Mom would sign the house over to my sister and BIL. They moved in, added an addition and helped/took care of Mom. She died in 2006. It was still home to me and my sister always said, this is still your home.

Sis and I never stood on ceremony at each other's home. Help yourself to whatever you want. Drinks, food etc. Don't ask just help yourself.

Sis died in 2021 and her DH has the house now, as it should be.

I am just a guest now, It is no longer home. He has made that clear. DD and I have only visited twice in the 4 years since my sister died. We got coffee and bottled water at Dunkin before we went to the house...He complained to me about his teen grandsons raiding his fridge hence we take our own drinks.

I have no desire to ever visit again. BIL and I always got along but weren't close. It is very strange to know everyone (parents & sister) is gone and I'll never "go home" again.

Pardon my rant?, it's 4am and my insomnia is in overdrive.

jlkz · ‎12-02-2013

@CrazyKittyLvr2

Evidently, this "home" feeling has persisted since BIL demonstrated the strange behavior from a while ago. His grandsons "raid" his refrigerator and he's unhappy with their behavior rather than be glad they come around to see their grandfather.

As you have discovered, things change over time for many reasons, seen and unseen.

The concept of "Home" isn't the building occupied in the past but the memories of those who surrounded and cared for you as you grew up. Those memories remain with you and can give you comfort in the later chapters of your life.

The actual first building to which I was brought home from the hospital still exists: DH and I bought it from my grandparents and sold it a few years later. If I drive by it, no feelings emerge: just glad another family is there.

The building where I grew up from as a toddler to bride, has been torn down and morphed into a townhouse development. No feelings emerge there either.

The warm feelings exist in my memories but they are centered around people who truly loved me...an aunt. I helped ready her house for sale and haven't driven by it since she passed over 15 years ago. Yet the relationship brings comfort and warmth still... For me that is " going home " until we meet again.

As you wisely described, it is as it should be with that house now that your sister has passed: It is his house. But you have the memories of those who created the concept of "home" and you can visit it any time.

You have created memories for your daughter that have become her " home " and similarly they will remain her home, not just walls and a roof.

You may want to talk with a counselor...this may be a lingering grief that pops up with insomnia and may be worse during the holidays.

May 2026 bring you wonderful surprises and happiness !

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.
Sir Winston Churchill

Janey2 · ‎06-07-2010

I look at this in a different way. He might not be your cup of tea and even seem a little (let's say) grumpy. I do not think he is such a bad guy. He helped take care of your mother for many years. It is not easy for an in law to take on that responsibility and take them into their house, (or her house until she signed it over). The thing is he lived with her.
If you do care for him don't visit. I do not get attached to things so I guess it is not easy for me to understand. I have lots of good memories from years past and like to think about them, but do not have to be in the place they happened.
,

AngelPuppy1 · ‎03-13-2010

Home is in the heart I guess! We had a similar situation in our family. The "family" home was passed down to other family members. We grew up in the "family" home and we all just came and went as we wanted and my mother wanted it to be this way. A place where we could all feel very comfortable and familiar - a place where we could come at any time - walk in, help ourselves to whatever was available in the fridge, plop down on the sofa and chairs, and stay whenever we needed or wanted to. But when a house passes on or is sold to another family member, sibling, etc., this situation changes, and we just have to go with it. We have our memories and this has to be enough.

"A day without sunshine is like, you know, night." - Steve Martin

FranandZoe · ‎03-09-2010

My Mom sold our home in '07 and she moved into an apartment. It was great for her. It had become too much for her to maintain - physicaly and financially. The house is a Craftsman style built in the 20s - it was beautiful.

The house is only about 5 miles away - my brother and I will occasionally take a ride past the house - big mistake. The yard is an unkempt jungle and the house is not well cared for either. It's sad. How I wish my hubby and I had bought the house - we could have easily turned it into a duplex and rented it out.

Roscoe the Rascal · ‎04-19-2016

I drive by old places we lived and always a nice memory or two pop up. I think maybe missing your sister and parents and the memories together is more of the issue. I lost my sister and brother and I miss them dearly. I drive by their old place now and then and think good thoughts. Sometimes a big tug at the heart as well.

Some of my husbands siblings I don't mind not seeing any more. It all works out. Christmas is a difficult time. Not my favorite time of year.

goldensrbest · ‎03-10-2010

My mom had to go into a nursing home,my brother sold the house, what also bothered me is that he had said for years he wanted that house,over and over,he decided not to buy it,it was very cheap in price,found that hard to understand.He rents a small apartment.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.

willowbark · ‎07-20-2025

We had a few childhood homes all owned by my parents as they progressed up the ladder to a better position financially. Each home held cherished memories and it's not bad to get sentimental about it. I have no interest in visiting any, the memories sustain me and put a smile on my face.