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Contributor
Posts: 21
Registered: ‎05-13-2010

I am a first time poster here... I just feel like I need to get this out & know you will all understand.

My dog Buddy was given peace yesterday. He had problems over the years with his rear end glands and we made multiple trips to the vet. Recently, he was having problems again like he did when his glands were full...most all other habits were the same...ate, drank etc. but was having problems going. His glands weren't too bad but the vet said sometimes even just a little impaction can cause problems and we were expecting, like in the past, this would take care of it. Then, last week we took him in because he wouldn't eat like usual. Our 70 plus pound lab/collie mix who loved a good snack, was snubbing almost everything we put in front of him and was having problems going again. Another trip to the vet who thought he had an inflamation of his colon based on his symptoms....went home with pills and a bland diet, which at first, seemed to do the trick. Then he stopped eating all together and was really struggling to go. Back to the vet for lab work. His liver enzymes were, acording to the vet, exceptionally high, and his concern was liver cancer. They did an ultrasound & found a 12cm tumor on his liver. At 12 years old, any attempt to remove it was out of the question. My poor Buddy's body was shutting down. My husband & I met at the vet's office and we were given a chance to say our goodbyes, knowing we could not bring him home only to have to put him back in the car & take him back. It was only going to be a matter of time before he started to really suffer.

My heart aches today...I have never felt pain like this in my life. Our lives were taking care of him. We rescued him from a shelter in AZ and he has been our companion ever since. He has moved with us, gone on vacation with us, and more than anything, made our lives so happy & full. I know that it's better for him...he doesn't have to suffer.. I have to keep telling myself that... He was just such a huge part of us... he is everywhere in the house...he was part of what made it home...a home that feels empty now.

I am hoping that all of these "firsts" will get better... first time waking up without his nose nudging the mattress to wake me up, first time not having him follow me around the house in the morning while I get read for work, first time not finding him laying on the bathroom floor with his nose right up against the air vent... Feels like there's been a million firsts already & I dread those that have yet to happen.

Thank you all for listening to me... I just wanted to be able to try & get some of this out of my system and hope to help ease the pain my heart feels...