My 81 year old Mom - Page 5

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

I'd give it a try, and have all of DM's requirements/rules/chores/etc. on paper, signed by both. Send him the list well in advance, so he and his dad will have plenty of time to think about it, review grandson's responsibilities, etc. Way back when, lots of very studious young men rented basement rooms. In those days they were very, very much into studying. Most were at the Library every evening. Most (if not, all) of the ones I knew have been and are extremely successful.

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

kdgn · ‎03-09-2010

I'm one of those who saw their grandparents maybe 5 times before I was 18. 5 weeks total, if I was lucky. But they were good weeks....It wasn't that my parents didn't want us to be close, it was time, distance and money. We were always on one of the coasts, they were in the mid-west.

As to this situation, I'm getting the strong feeling that the poster's brother is seeing this as an opportunity to save money on room and board. It's convenient for him but I'm not sure he's thinking of his mother as 81 and capable of having a college student living there, even if he is well-mannered.

On the other hand this could be a wonderful experience for both of them and possibly the only way this young man is going to be able to attend this particular college.

Do you live anywhere near your mother and could keep an eye on things? Would there be any way that this young man could come out for a visit beforehand, stay for a week, see how it goes?

I've known some pretty opinionated 81 year olds who wouldn't put up with anything from anyone, not even family. Then again, I've known some 81 year olds who have lost the ability or never had the ability to put their foot down when rules were broken.

Not much help am I? I know my brother and I could have successfully stayed with either grandmother while attending college. We would have loved the chance to get to know them better. Several of my cousins? They would have taken advantage.

terrier3 · ‎03-10-2010

On 1/25/2015 Smaug said:
On 1/25/2015 terrier3 said:
On 1/25/2015 Ilikeshade said:
She will end up cleaning up after him...doing his laundry. If he goes out and it's past midnight she will wonder where he is. She will feel obligated to cook his meals; either that or allow him full access to her kitchen including accidentally eating her food. She will be ill prepared to have debates with him. What will she do if he disses her?

My mom did my son's laundry...and cooked him breakfast.

What's wrong with that? Many women (and men) enjoy cooking for their loved ones.

Accidentally eating her food????

They are grandmother and grandson...he's not a roomer!

I cannot believe the negativity...

Oh please, don't turn this into a battle of opinions. The OP needs assistance and posters are giving advice.

I'm giving advice too.

I think it may be perfect for both of them.

Grandma will have a young man in her home to protect her...she will get to know her grandson. She was used to being a wife and I'm sure cared for her husband...now she can "spoil" her grandson a little - and form a bond with him (I wonder if he's at all like his grandfather?)

Grandson will get to know and love his grandmother - and learn how to respect and care for their older relative.

I think it's a win-win.

Say Nay · ‎03-12-2010

On 1/25/2015 terrier3 said:
On 1/25/2015 Smaug said:
On 1/25/2015 terrier3 said:
On 1/25/2015 Ilikeshade said:
She will end up cleaning up after him...doing his laundry. If he goes out and it's past midnight she will wonder where he is. She will feel obligated to cook his meals; either that or allow him full access to her kitchen including accidentally eating her food. She will be ill prepared to have debates with him. What will she do if he disses her?

My mom did my son's laundry...and cooked him breakfast.

What's wrong with that? Many women (and men) enjoy cooking for their loved ones.

Accidentally eating her food????

They are grandmother and grandson...he's not a roomer!

I cannot believe the negativity...

Oh please, don't turn this into a battle of opinions. The OP needs assistance and posters are giving advice.

I'm giving advice too.

I think it may be perfect for both of them.

Grandma will have a young man in her home to protect her...she will get to know her grandson. She was used to being a wife and I'm sure cared for her husband...now she can "spoil" her grandson a little - and form a bond with him (I wonder if he's at all like his grandfather?)

Grandson will get to know and love his grandmother - and learn how to respect and care for their older relative.

I think it's a win-win.

Never go into anything blindly.

It could be a win-win or it could be a nightmare. If he lived in a dorm they would have the opportunity to bond yet have their own space. If they got along that would be the time to discuss living in her home. If they didn't get along so be it. But it's best to know that before he has his belongings moved in.

_____ ,,,^ ._. ^,,,_____

Buck-i-Nana · ‎09-28-2010

Tissyanne....I'm so sorry for your loss. Unexpected loss of a parent/husband puts your whole world into a jumble of emotion and wory.

Honestly, I don't see enough info provided by the OP to develop any viable "thoughts" on the matter. It really depends on both people involved, and much more than just enjoying privacy and housekeeping.

You say your mother is a very private person. Does the layout of her home ensure that she can maintain that privacy? If not, then it could be a problem. You say she is very particular about her housekeeping. Does that mean that any untidiness would be taxing on her, or would it be something that she could take in stride and perhaps teach her grandson the proper way to keep his area?

Has your mom been around teenagers much?

terrier3 · ‎03-10-2010

On 1/25/2015 Smaug said:
O

Never go into anything blindly.

It could be a win-win or it could be a nightmare. If he lived in a dorm they would have the opportunity to bond yet have their own space. If they got along that would be the time to discuss living in her home. If they didn't get along so be it. But it's best to know that before he has his belongings moved in.

I would err on the side of giving it a try.

It's tough for an 81 year old woman, who just lost her spouse, to live alone in her home.

This might be the perfect solution for BOTH of them!

lovescats · ‎03-10-2010

If he's going to college he's old enough to get up fix his breakfast and clean up afterwards and do his own laundry. Who would do it for him if he was living in an apartment? That's crazy thinking anyone no matter what their age needs somebody finding them extra work to do.

Buck-i-Nana · ‎09-28-2010

On 1/25/2015 terrier3 said: I'm giving advice too.
I think it may be perfect for both of them.

Grandma will have a young man in her home to protect her...she will get to know her grandson. She was used to being a wife and I'm sure cared for her husband...now she can "spoil" her grandson a little - and form a bond with him (I wonder if he's at all like his grandfather?)

Grandson will get to know and love his grandmother - and learn how to respect and care for their older relative.

I think it's a win-win.

My personal experience has me seeing this in the same light as you terrier.

I know families are all different, but my parents always told me that family is always there for each other and does whatever it takes to help each other. I taught my children then same thing and it has served us all very well.

terrier3 · ‎03-10-2010

On 1/25/2015 lovescats said: If he's going to college he's old enough to get up fix his breakfast and clean up afterwards and do his own laundry. Who would do it for him if he was living in an apartment? That's crazy thinking anyone no matter what their age needs somebody finding them extra work to do.

I can only relate to my experience with my son and my mother.

She LOVED making him breakfast, ironing his shirts, etc.

He loved driving her to the mall, taking her to the doctor, just being around at night - when a big house can be a scary place when you are older and not well (my mom had cancer)..

My mom had two daughters...my son was the first MAN in the family...she LOVED having a guy around!