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Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,578
Registered: ‎12-07-2012
My 81 year old mom has very recently been widowed, as my beloved dad passed unexpectedly. My brother has lived out of state for the past 40 years, and is wanting his 18 year old son to move into her home to attend college. She has only seen her grandson 5 times, and she has met my brother's wife once. She is a private person, and is a very particular housekeeper. She does not see problems, as she says he is well mannered. Your thoughts on this?
Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,021
Registered: ‎03-12-2010

Is he going to pay your mother rent?

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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,270
Registered: ‎04-20-2012

I would say no. An 18 year old will not have the patience or the desire to assist his grandmother, imo. The disparity in age is just too great and I believe it will end in disaster. She will need help in one way or another....is he willing? Or will he take control of her home bringing in friends, liquor or possibly drugs? She will not be able to control him. It is HER home.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,177
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I would say no. If he does the brother should pay rent for him.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,954
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

My son lived with my mother when he was in college.

It worked out great.

It gave her someone to "mother" - cook for, dote on. My son protected her and cared for her. Their close relationship became even closer.

I think this is a win-win for everyone...your mom will have a young strapping guy to watch out for her and she will get to know her grandson better.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 16,578
Registered: ‎12-07-2012
Rent money is not a concern. Her ability to cope with a young man away from home for the first time 2000 miles away concerns me. She imagines he will be no problem at all. Keep in mind she has only seen him 5 times, and has no real knowledge of his habits etc.
Honored Contributor
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On 1/25/2015 Tissyanne said: Rent money is not a concern. Her ability to cope with a young man away from home for the first time 2000 miles away concerns me. She imagines he will be no problem at all.

Not every 18 year old is a pot smoking drunk. He is going to college - not Animal House!

I would give it a chance.

How great for these two to become close!

I remember the "good old days" when families were close and often shared a home.

When my mom was dying, my son was there for her. Her other two granddaughters saw her one week a year (if that often) and spent the time in the hospital playing video games by her deathbed. They weren't being disrespectful as much as being forced to be in a room with a near stranger for whom they had little affection - they didn't KNOW their grandmother.

How wonderful it might turn out - your mom will receive as much love as she gives to her grandson.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,043
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

I foresee problems ahead. Maybe he is a fine young man and it will work out...it sure will be sad if it doesn't and she has to change those arrangements. Do they have a plan if that happens?

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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,021
Registered: ‎03-12-2010
On 1/25/2015 Tissyanne said: Rent money is not a concern. Her ability to cope with a young man away from home for the first time 2000 miles away concerns me. She imagines he will be no problem at all.

It isn't the money. Paying rent is a way of proving responsibility and tells him your mother's place has value. As a tenant he will have certain responsibilities and obligations. If he breaks the rules your mother will have recourse. He will have to make amends or leave.

If she's going to allow him into her home she needs to protect herself. There's way too much elder abuse happening by family members and seniors often fail to legally protect themselves and their rights.

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Super Contributor
Posts: 622
Registered: ‎11-13-2010

Tissyanne, there must be a reason why you've posed this question, and you know your family better than we do.

While I do think it might be worth a shot, it really does depend on that particular 18 year old.