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Valued Contributor
Posts: 944
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Moving a grave -- anyone ever done this?


@nun ya wrote:

@Smoky wrote:

@151949, I surprisingly discovered a stranger had taken pictures of my parents' grave and posted on findagrave..  I had a total hissy fit and in between findagrave and the stranger that posted them- public or not- privacy rules.. the gravesite was graciously removed and findagrave was respectful towards our family and apologized..  I was in tears when I saw it- neither of my parents would've liked that..  

 

I called the cemetery- we've been friends with the owners forever- was told people do this all the time..  I said, "They won't do that with my parents' ever again."  Like they said, had they seen someone doing that, they'd of asked them to not as they know how we are about our privacy..  


 I love where my parents are buried, except for the fact that a movie was filmed there and hoards of people gather there once a year and act like idiots. Running all over, taking pictures and just being disrespectful.


I respect your feelings about Find A Grave.  I have the opposite opinion.  Find A Grave has been very beneficial in helping me with genealogy research.  I don't do Ancestry (one day, when I have time), but I've pieced together quite a bit from google, National Archives, and sites like Find A Grave.  Find A Grave helped me with my father's and grandparents dates of birth and death.  And it clarified the spelling of my great great grandmother's name.  

 

Of of course we should respect and honor graves. I just don't think posting on Find A Grave is disrespectful.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,812
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Moving a grave -- anyone ever done this?

@nun ya, that's just awful how disrespectful people can be and don't care.  I would never do anything like that to a person's loved ones resting place.  

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Rocky Top you'll always be home sweet home to me.. Good ole Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee... Rocky Top Tennessee
Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,812
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Moving a grave -- anyone ever done this?

I'm sure find a grave does a fine job helping people and I don't think it's disrespectful posting there, our family didn't like those Graves being posted, as find a grave said to me, they respect our privacy and respected our feelings.

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Rocky Top you'll always be home sweet home to me.. Good ole Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee... Rocky Top Tennessee
Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,812
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Moving a grave -- anyone ever done this?

@LonestarBabs, I am so sorry for taking this thread sort of off topic.

 

 

I do hope you are successful with moving your dad's remains and don't have any issues.  Seems you've got the right professionals helping.

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Rocky Top you'll always be home sweet home to me.. Good ole Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee... Rocky Top Tennessee
Honored Contributor
Posts: 18,604
Registered: ‎10-25-2010

Re: Moving a grave -- anyone ever done this?

My MIL always made her wishes known that when she died, she wanted her father's body moved so that they could be buried side by side, They were born in Europe and her mother died in childbirth when she was 19 and was buried there with her twins who didn't survive.

 

My BIL( her son) is  a funeral director and even if he provided his services for no cost, it was way too expensive.

 

You have to get special licenses and permits.  Depending on the condition of the vault and casket, they might not be in good enough shape  to be moved and we would have to purchase new ones.  Two grave openings and removing the headstone and transportation really added up fast.  

 

It could have cost us anywhere between $15 and $20k.  So, my MIL didn't get her wish.  She left no money to be used for this expense and she and her father are buried in the same cemetery.  That is as good as it's going to get.

 

There are reasons people movement their loved ones, but it isn't cheap.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 25,929
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Moving a grave -- anyone ever done this?


@Smoky wrote:

@151949, I surprisingly discovered a stranger had taken pictures of my parents' grave and posted on findagrave..  I had a total hissy fit and in between findagrave and the stranger that posted them- public or not- privacy rules.. the gravesite was graciously removed and findagrave was respectful towards our family and apologized..  I was in tears when I saw it- neither of my parents would've liked that..  

 

I called the cemetery- we've been friends with the owners forever- was told people do this all the time..  I said, "They won't do that with my parents' ever again."  Like they said, had they seen someone doing that, they'd of asked them to not as they know how we are about our privacy..  


My DH only searches for & photographs them when he gets an e mail or letter requesting it.

 

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,515
Registered: ‎06-26-2011

Re: Moving a grave -- anyone ever done this?

@Suziepeach  Thanks. I don't know if anything will come of it, but I'm going to get as much information as possible to aid in the decision. I agree that one's final resting place is supposed to be final, and as one poster put it 'it's only a body and a box, the person isn't there' but according to the folks at the military cemetery relocation is quite common.

 

I have an appointment with the funeral director today to voice my concerns about the circus-like atmosphere of the cemetery, and while I'm there I'm going to bring up the subject of relocation. It may be too costly, but I won't know until I investigate!

 

As for Find-A-Grave -- it's been very helpful to me on two occasions: my childhood friend died and while I knew what cemetery she was buried in I had never seen the grave, and when I discovered my ex-husband had died and I wondered whether he was buried or cremated. Both time Find-A-Grave provided answers. It felt more to me like a catalog of information rather than intrusive.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 25,929
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Moving a grave -- anyone ever done this?

@Suziepeach  I am curious why you had such a strong reaction about your parents graves being on Find a Grave. It is all public knowledge - you can go to many places on the internet and find where people are buried. I have even gone back & found the graves of my MIL's 3 stillborn babies that were never even named - just baby  lastname #1 - #2 - #3.

Cemetaries give out information to anyone who asks - it is public knowledge.In some states the final disposition of the remains is listed right on the death certificate. All easily found public information.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 645
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Moving a grave -- anyone ever done this?

@LonestarBabs  I am sorry you are having to go through all of this. I am in a military town. One of the cemeteries here was becoming a lot like what you described. Families of people buried there complained to the city counsel and ordinances were enacted to stop all that. Now it is illegal to put anything other than a small flower arrangement or a small flag on the grave sites. Flower arrangements must be either plastic or removed when they become wilted or "unsightly". So far, over the past 5 years since this was enacted, the cemetery looks very nice. The owner of the cemetery was cited for not keeping up with his responsibilities at the initial complaint. Maybe that would work for you?   

 

I had investigated moving my father who's ashes were on his father's grave. Initially I had wanted to place my mother's ashes on the same grave, State law in NY where they lived for most of their lives, prohibits more than two cremains or bodies in one grave site. Dumb in my opinion. I had to put my mom's cremains on my uncle's grave. Just to drop a probe to see how deep the first coffin was buried, cost $1750. Then to open the grave and place the cremains was another $2700. Putting my mom's cremains in a small vault in a mausoleum was $5000.

 

 To me, funeral services are highway robbery and take advantage of people during one of the hardest times. 

Having read the book: The American Way of Death in the 1970's, I am disgusted with the whole thing. It has gotten much worse since the book was written.   (Just my opinion, not meant to upset anyone)

 

“The price of light is less than the cost of darkness.”
– Arthur C. Nielsen
Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,812
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Moving a grave -- anyone ever done this?

@151949, oh we understand all the public stuff, our feelings are we don't want our parents' graves on the internet, short and simple- they wouldn't of agreed to that either.   Findagrave had no problem with our request, they were extremely kind and respectful.. 

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Rocky Top you'll always be home sweet home to me.. Good ole Rocky Top, Rocky Top Tennessee... Rocky Top Tennessee