Community Chat

[SaRina]

I always find opinions here interesting, so I’d like your thoughts on another situation involving wedding etiquette.

My cousin’s daughter is getting married in a few months and my cousin is holding a party in her house next month to celebrate the upcoming nuptials.  Thing is, my cousin has selectively invited some cousins and some aunts/uncles.  She is using the reason for not inviting all as "they live out of state".  She has also not invited a cousin who "hasn’t attended family functions for several years", but is the sibling of a cousin who is invited. 

How do you feel about this?  A problem?....or not?   Her prerogative?  If you do have a problem with it, would you say something?  Or just leave it alone?

I’m going to make some dinner now, but will be back later.  TIA.

[ChynnaBlue]

I think that sounds entirely reasonable.

Why invite people who won't be able to make it or could only do so at great expense if you think they won't come? And why invite someone who hasn't bothered to show up to past events? It seems that person has sent a very clear "I'm not interested" message, so why wouldn't she listen to that?

A party isn't about how who can invite the most people or who do we need to invite to avoid hurting someone, it's about who the couple most wants to be with to celebrate the event. And it's no surprise that the list won't include every single family member, especially people they haven't seen in years.

If you want to have an event that every single family member is invited to you, have a family reunion, not a wedding.

[151949]

I think it is her party and she can invite whomever she wishes? Who do you think she should invite? Perhaps everyone from your side who is going to the wedding? If you wish to have a more inclusive party I'm sure that everyone would be glad to attend your party as well.

[deepwaterdotter]

Her party... Her prerogative.

[qvcfreak]

I'm going with, it's up to her who she chooses to invite. If it were me, I'd invite everyone, out of town or not.  I'd hate for something as little as an invite cause chaos between family. Just not worth it. 

[CelticCrafter]

I would stay out of it.

I was once invited to a cousins wedding, neither of my siblings were.  It's not like I was closer with her or that they were under a set age so I don't know what the reasoning was but I did not attend.  I just felt it wasn't right to invite one and not the other two.

[SaRina]

My curiosity got the better of me and I stuck around to see what the responses might be.....and also to see if I adequately conveyed the situation (which I didn't).  :-)

We have always been a very close-knit family since I was a child, gathering for holidays at each other's homes, attending parties and other functions....everyone.  This is a definite departure from the past, even the recent past and it is the first time a relative has done such a thing.  My cousin is basically deciding for those who live out of state that they can't make it when, in fact, they can.  They always travel.  As far as the cousin who hasn't attended lately, that was mostly due to illness and some bad luck.

Our family is grumbling about it and some are absolutely livid, feeling hurt and slighted.  We cannot figure out why my cousin has done this.  My feeling is....you send the invitation and let everyone decide for themselves.

Oh, my cousin is quite wealthy.

[MickD]

I would invite the whole darn clan and see who sticks to the wall.....I think most appreciate being invited even if they can't attend....no big wup.

[Preds]

Well, things have changed so much that I have no answer for that one.  Going thru this with my DD right now.  One side of the family "demands" that invites be sent to everyone ... no matter what.  The other side says just send them to the ones you care about and live with.  Some will have hurt feelings, but if you have no contact with them ... you will be considered a "gift grabber".

Wish you luck on these answers.  We all have different views.  I just wish my DD had eloped.  LOL

Oh, and she is hosting a baby shower this weekend.  131 people!  For a baby shower? 

[Preds]

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@MickD wrote:

I would invite the whole darn clan and see who sticks to the wall.....I think most appreciate being invited even if they can't attend....no big wup.

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Hey Babe!  The only problem with that is they have to plan for all those "extras" and pay ahead.  Cost is .... give me your glass of wine.  LOL 

Tell our boy ... ELOPE ... I'll buy you a house.