Mom's Punishment for Cyber Bully Daughter - Page 9

Topaz Gem · ‎03-10-2010

On 1/15/2014 LipstickDiva said:
On 1/15/2014 RainCityGirl said:
Perhaps she wanted her daughter to feel a fraction of the humiliation that the daughter's victim felt.

And if the girl had beat someone up, should the mom beat her daughter up so she feels the pain inflicted on the victim?

That's an unfair analogy. RCG is correct. That girl now knows exactly what her victim(s) felt like, and believe me, it isn't pleasant. Teenagers don't respond to lectures, time outs, taking away prized possessions, etc. Letting them feel a little discomfort is how they learn. They will learn this way throughout their lives; when they're out in the workforce, etc. No one is going to coddle you. I agree with the mother.

"Summer afternoon-summer afternoon; to me those have always been the two most beautiful words in the English language." ~Henry James

bathina · ‎03-14-2010

On 1/15/2014 Topaz Gem said:
On 1/15/2014 LipstickDiva said:
On 1/15/2014 RainCityGirl said:
Perhaps she wanted her daughter to feel a fraction of the humiliation that the daughter's victim felt.

And if the girl had beat someone up, should the mom beat her daughter up so she feels the pain inflicted on the victim?

That's an unfair analogy. RCG is correct. That girl now knows exactly what her victim(s) felt like, and believe me, it isn't pleasant. Teenagers don't respond to lectures, time outs, taking away prized possessions, etc. Letting them feel a little discomfort is how they learn. They will learn this way throughout their lives; when they're out in the workforce, etc. No one is going to coddle you. I agree with the mother.

It is a completely valid analogy. The mother did the same thing to this girl as the girl does to her victims. Teenagers don't respond to much- but when you clip their wings and take away the things they love most (in a firm but loving way), they come around quick. If this were my child, she would go at least a month with no cell phone and no access to internet.

Eta dang auto correct

sophiamarie · ‎08-08-2013

bathina: Unfortunately, in this day and age, we have to know where our kids are. Taking away the phone is not the thing to do. Years ago it might have worked but not today. First of all, if they really wanted to - they would use a friend's phone to text or whatever they do. Next, if something should happen to them or they need a ride and they are alone, they would need a phone to let us know. I don't think you raised any children - otherwise you would think differently. Please don't take this the wrong way.

Times have changed since we were kids. I'm glad mine are all grown, married, successful and happy. Also, with the phone comes the internet. That's just the way it is. There are other ways to punish that child - I just don't think humiliation is the right choice.

sophiamarie · ‎08-08-2013

d/p

Animal Lover · ‎12-03-2013

This punishment is not going to fix what's wrong that girl.

Maybe some therapy is in order for starters.

bathina · ‎03-14-2010

On 1/15/2014 sophiamarie said:
bathina: Unfortunately, in this day and age, we have to know where our kids are. Taking away the phone is not the thing to do. Years ago it might have worked but not today. First of all, if they really wanted to - they would use a friend's phone to text or whatever they do. Next, if something should happen to them or they need a ride and they are alone, they would need a phone to let us know. I don't think you raised any children - otherwise you would think differently. Please don't take this the wrong way.

Times have changed since we were kids. I'm glad mine are all grown, married, successful and happy. Also, with the phone comes the internet. That's just the way it is. There are other ways to punish that child - I just don't think humiliation is the right choice.

I've raised a daughter through teenagehood. I'm in my early 50s, so not exactly ancient. I stand by what I said.

Animal Lover · ‎12-03-2013

On 1/15/2014 sophiamarie said:
bathina: Unfortunately, in this day and age, we have to know where our kids are. Taking away the phone is not the thing to do. Years ago it might have worked but not today. First of all, if they really wanted to - they would use a friend's phone to text or whatever they do. Next, if something should happen to them or they need a ride and they are alone, they would need a phone to let us know. I don't think you raised any children - otherwise you would think differently. Please don't take this the wrong way.

Times have changed since we were kids. I'm glad mine are all grown, married, successful and happy. Also, with the phone comes the internet. That's just the way it is. There are other ways to punish that child - I just don't think humiliation is the right choice.

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Animal Lover · ‎12-03-2013

On 1/15/2014 sophiamarie said:
On 1/15/2014 bathina said:
On 1/15/2014 EmmaBunting said:
no one here is saying that the child should not be disciplined. The disagreement is with the way the mother did it. I happen to believe that the best way to teach our children is by our own examples. What the mother did was shame and ridicule her daughter publicly. How does that show her not to bully and shame others publicly? There are better, more respectful ways to teach our children, in my opinion. If your child punches another......do you punch her back so she can "see what it feels like"? Of course not! And you don't shame your child so she can see what that feels like either.

Two wrongs never make a right.

I totally agree. Totally. The mother should have taken awAy this child's internet access and devices a loooong time ago.

ITA - The look on that girl's face says it all. She hasn't learned a thing and this is just another stoopid thing her mother is making her do. I agree with the poster who said "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree".... The child learned that behavior someplace.

I think the family (if there is father) needs counselling. Humiliating a child is not the cure. The mom tried other things and they didn't work - so why would this work?

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Animal Lover · ‎12-03-2013

On 1/15/2014 serenity4ever said:
On 1/15/2014 LipstickDiva said:
Those of you who feel this is wrong are offering no advice as to how you think the situation should have been handled, only judging what this mom did as wrong.

How would you all have handled the punishment? I'm curious.

I would have looked inward as to why my daughter was bullying someone. I would ask myself if something was causing the behavior because of the way I was raising her. There are many studies out there that children who bully other kids are they themselves bullied at home.

I would immediately go for family counseling and try and find out what causes this type of acting out on the part of my daughter. Until the mom gets to the root of the problem, this child will continue to have problems. Humiliation doesn't work and just ask any child psychologist about the damage humiliation can do to a child.

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Animal Lover · ‎12-03-2013

On 1/15/2014 JJsMom said:
If this girl has had a pattern of bullying, why is she only now thinking of taking away the iPod? She thought grounding and manual labor would solve the problem rather than taking away the source of the bullying? Along with selling the iPod, an apology to the people she bullied and maybe some community service would have been better consequences. It sounds like the mom has issues too.

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